15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Bedtime expectations

Tip#5 Set and stick to bedtime routines and expectations

Bedtime is a blessing and a curse sometimes. So, Jenne, remember to establish bedtime routines and stick to them as best you can. Oh, but more important: explain the expectations to your sweet soon-to-be-snoring child. This is especially important with the three and four year olds who are no longer in cribs and have a long list of reasons to make their bedtime extend dangerously close to Mommy's bedtime.

With that wonderful almost-three-year-old, I do the typical: Jammies on, go potty, brush teeth, read books in bed...oh and then one last sip of water, and a kiss and mommy whispers this week's memory verse in his ear. We smile. I do a "nosy-nosy," he kisses both my cheeks. I kiss both his cheeks. I take time to enjoy him and let him know he is precious to me.

Then before the light goes out, the expectations are set: "When I turn this light out it will be the last time I hear your voice, right? What does bedtime look like? Your head is on your pillow, right? And your mouth is quiet, right? And your body is still, right? Right! And what happens if I need to come in after this? Yup. Mommy has to spank you. That will be sad, huh. Sure hope we don't need to do that. But don't worry, I will if I need to. Love you and goodnight, sweetie!"

And then I follow through, just like I said I would. Because being a mom means doing just that!

The Blessed Timer

There is one tool in my house that I have a special fondness for: The timer. Oh, let me count the ways this timer has helped me manage the various stages of mothering thus far.


Great uses for a timer

1. The most obvious (and least interesting) use of the timer is for cooking. But I must say that the timer on my oven has saved our meals from a burnt crisp pretty much every night. The little beep goes off and I think, "huh. What was that for? OH YEAH! I am cooking something!" Using the term distracted really does not do justice to the brain activity of this mom on any given day.


2. When naps fade away and "rests" become en vogue for my kids, the timer is set to the highest possible number it can go (60 whole minutes) and the child quietly reads and rests on his bed until the sweet dinging is heard.


C. When toothbrushing consists of a quick scrub of only the top two front teeth, the timer, set to 2 minutes, helps that child work on all his pearly whites. (In this situation, the timer was long ago replaced with singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" two times through.)


4. When my four-year-old is learning to play with an eighteen- to twenty-four-month-old, the timer serves as a great way for that older sibling to know that there is an end in sight. A timer set for 10-15 minutes (to begin with, anyway) is a do-able task for a preschooler, IMHO. It is SO HARD to play with a kid that is constantly messing with the toy he is playing with, so this is a good introduction for the older child to learn how to be selfless and for the younger child to feel included in the fun for a while. "You can read more about how we protect the sibling relationship in the early years here.


5. Timers are GREAT for time outs, of course. I am not a big believer in time outs, but they do have their place in the discipline toolbox. And a timer helps!


E. And when there is only one of something (like a trampoline, or a swing, or a fire engine) that timer comes in handy again. I can remember when my oldest two boys were three and five years of age and I would set the timer in the playroom for them to use all on their own. They would set it for the agreed upon minutes and have fun taking turns. The game became less of a "I want a turn with the cool toy" and more of a "Let's find something fun to play with so WE CAN USE THE TIMER!!"


And, because I have a baby, my current favorite use of the timer is for his sleep. There are two ways I can't live without my timer.


1.) Teaching a baby how to cry himself to sleep requires (for my personality) a timer. When baby cries in his bed, I automatically set the timer for the number of minutes that corresponds to the number of weeks old he is (4 weeks old = four minutes) and shut off the baby monitor. When that timer dings, I turn the monitor back on to check to see if he is still crying. It's a lifesaver because I CAN'T STAND to listen to my babies cry. (But if i don't set a timer and just turn the monitor off, I will forget that he is crying... and if I just leave the monitor on so I hear him crying, I about go insane, wringing my hands in nervous energy and tension.) For more sleep tips, you can check this post and also this one.

2.) Defining sleep cycles. OK. I will admit that I don't use a timer for this one. Just a clock. But it relates to #1 above, teaching babies how to nap... So, 45 minutes after my baby goes to sleep, he almmost always wakes up and cries. (45 minutes is a typical sleep cycle and most babies wake for a time after that first sleep cycle but will - and need to - go back to sleep if they are given the chance.) Anyway, I note if it is, indeed, 45 minutes after I put him down. And if so, I use my timer trick above and he can learn to fall back asleep. If it is past 45 minutes, then it can be counted (according to my favorite sleep expert) as a nap and I can go get him.

A Progression Through Motherhood

I got to thinking yesterday about how I have changed as a mother over the past 7.5 years. Being a first-time mom is WORLDS APART from being seasoned. Actually, in some ways the initial brain damage that occurs in the first several years of motherhood repairs itself with the addition of more kids (or just the passage of time - I can't be sure). For instance, I used to not be able to complete a sentence, let alone a thought, because I was so easily distracted by my baby. Now, a kid has to REALLY, REALLY need something before my thought is disrupted. That's not because I am trying to "teach him a lesson." No. Its an honest-to-goodness ability to tune out a deafening amount of background noise.


I have a few other examples of my progression through motherhood. Can you relate?

Definition of a "Great" Night's Sleep
With Baby #1: Eight straight hours. No interruptions. Ah, who am I kidding?! It's not a great night's sleep unless it's 10 hours - solid.
With Baby #2: Eight straight hours will do, but it must include waking up on my own - if a kid wakes me up, the night is automatically disqualified from being great.
With Baby #3: Eight hours, with only one interruption from only one kid - now THAT's great!
With Baby #4: Eight hours, 2 interruptions, no additional "mommy's bladder" awakenings, no snoring from the husband, and no insomnia. It's like heaven!

Showering.
When my first child was an infant: The shower was illusive. IF-IF-IF I got one in a day while my husband or mom was not there, it was remarkable. I have a distinct memory of putting my little cherub in a bouncy seat in the bathroom with me. The water is on. Shampoo is in my hair...nice and bubbly. Baby starts to cry. My panic sets in. The cry gets louder and harder. It's been 30 horrible seconds now. I am fully panicked. Forget it. I turn the water off immediately, suds still in my hair, and sooth my baby. The shower will wait. Maybe I can rinse my hair in the sink.

With baby #2: When the baby cries I control my panic long enough to rinse my hair. But no conditioner, and i did not actually wash my body. My first thought is NOT "oh by poor baby." My first thought is, "Your older brother is finally napping!! You can't wake him up!!" I am concerned about the crying baby, yes, but the bigger concern is still that first child who never did get to be a good sleeper.
With baby #3: Getting a shower is much easier with three kids than it ever was with one or two. How can that be? When baby #3 cries, this time I think, "The older two will just have to learn to sleep through the baby's cries." And as that baby cries I am finishing my shower (quickly but thoroughly), reminding myself "Babies don't die if they cry. Babies don't die if they cry...."
With baby #4: I am up at the crack of dawn because I finally learned that missing a shower for a measley half hour of more sleep in the morning only makes me crankier. I hear him crying. I continue the shower. Then I am reminded of what it was like showering when I had just my first child. And I think, "my that was a different world." (baby still crying, mom still showering), "Wow. So very different. I think I will write a blog post about that. Now, how would I start that post... what would be the first sentence... ah, yes. I know. Oooh that would be good... And I could also talk about how my definition of a good night's sleep has changed over the years, too. And, oh yeah, that's my baby, still crying, huh?..."