That's Not What I Meant...

I was re-reading my post "My Little Leaguer" and I was startled by what I wrote in my last paragraph. Do you ever go back and re-read your posts and think, "Heavens! That's NOT what I meant!!" My heart did NOT come through at all on this one.

So, it sounded like I was saying that I was so incredibly consistent, and so wonderfully prayerful, and am such a hard worker when it came to raising my Jackson. But honestly, what was in my heart when I wrote that was every failure, every frustrating day, every day that I did not have a CLUE what to do. I was remembering all the times I WASN'T consistent. All the times I gave in. And I was remembering, in the midst of trying to train him up, how I carried two of my babies to term, and how much of a louse of a parent I was during those months, and how much TV the kids had to watch while I was sleeping on the couch in the middle of the day, and how tired and grouchy I was...

And then (and only then) was I remembering that through the Lord's help (and the help of my sister and Lindy and a stack of books) how I kept on getting back on that horse, and did not throw my hands up and just give up. But it was not me who was faithful in all these years. It was my Lord. He was my Guide, my Help, my Source. He gently brought me back time and time again to training Jackson properly. He. He. He. Never me.

So, in case my horrible attempt at encouragement left a sour taste in your mouth, I hope that this clarification serves as a little bit of Listerine. Now, hear these words again: if you have a Jackson in your quiver, do not - do not - do not give up. Run to your Lord OFTEN for wisdom and strength. Knock on the doors of other moms who have done it before. Keep at the discipline (in order to succeed you must be willing to fail sometimes, too). Because there is fruit - beautiful fruit - in this labor.

The Blessed Timer

There is one tool in my house that I have a special fondness for: The timer. Oh, let me count the ways this timer has helped me manage the various stages of mothering thus far.


Great uses for a timer

1. The most obvious (and least interesting) use of the timer is for cooking. But I must say that the timer on my oven has saved our meals from a burnt crisp pretty much every night. The little beep goes off and I think, "huh. What was that for? OH YEAH! I am cooking something!" Using the term distracted really does not do justice to the brain activity of this mom on any given day.


2. When naps fade away and "rests" become en vogue for my kids, the timer is set to the highest possible number it can go (60 whole minutes) and the child quietly reads and rests on his bed until the sweet dinging is heard.


C. When toothbrushing consists of a quick scrub of only the top two front teeth, the timer, set to 2 minutes, helps that child work on all his pearly whites. (In this situation, the timer was long ago replaced with singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" two times through.)


4. When my four-year-old is learning to play with an eighteen- to twenty-four-month-old, the timer serves as a great way for that older sibling to know that there is an end in sight. A timer set for 10-15 minutes (to begin with, anyway) is a do-able task for a preschooler, IMHO. It is SO HARD to play with a kid that is constantly messing with the toy he is playing with, so this is a good introduction for the older child to learn how to be selfless and for the younger child to feel included in the fun for a while. "You can read more about how we protect the sibling relationship in the early years here.


5. Timers are GREAT for time outs, of course. I am not a big believer in time outs, but they do have their place in the discipline toolbox. And a timer helps!


E. And when there is only one of something (like a trampoline, or a swing, or a fire engine) that timer comes in handy again. I can remember when my oldest two boys were three and five years of age and I would set the timer in the playroom for them to use all on their own. They would set it for the agreed upon minutes and have fun taking turns. The game became less of a "I want a turn with the cool toy" and more of a "Let's find something fun to play with so WE CAN USE THE TIMER!!"


And, because I have a baby, my current favorite use of the timer is for his sleep. There are two ways I can't live without my timer.


1.) Teaching a baby how to cry himself to sleep requires (for my personality) a timer. When baby cries in his bed, I automatically set the timer for the number of minutes that corresponds to the number of weeks old he is (4 weeks old = four minutes) and shut off the baby monitor. When that timer dings, I turn the monitor back on to check to see if he is still crying. It's a lifesaver because I CAN'T STAND to listen to my babies cry. (But if i don't set a timer and just turn the monitor off, I will forget that he is crying... and if I just leave the monitor on so I hear him crying, I about go insane, wringing my hands in nervous energy and tension.) For more sleep tips, you can check this post and also this one.

2.) Defining sleep cycles. OK. I will admit that I don't use a timer for this one. Just a clock. But it relates to #1 above, teaching babies how to nap... So, 45 minutes after my baby goes to sleep, he almmost always wakes up and cries. (45 minutes is a typical sleep cycle and most babies wake for a time after that first sleep cycle but will - and need to - go back to sleep if they are given the chance.) Anyway, I note if it is, indeed, 45 minutes after I put him down. And if so, I use my timer trick above and he can learn to fall back asleep. If it is past 45 minutes, then it can be counted (according to my favorite sleep expert) as a nap and I can go get him.

Yes, No, or Wait

In our intergeneration Sunday School class we are studying prayer. A couple of weeks ago we were concentrating on how God can answer our prayers: Using a stop signal, we have learned that God answers in one of three ways: Yes, wait, or no (green, yellow, or red, respectively). On this day, we were asked to share with the group a time when God answered a prayer with a "no," so I shared briefly about when I was in High School and really liked a guy and asked God to let me marry him. And He said "no." The adults in the class gave a knowing smile and nod (presumably because many of them had very similar experiences).

That was two weeks ago. Last night at bedtime, Jackson asked me to tell that story again. So I did and let me tell you, it got us talking about some great things: about how sad I was at the time to not get the answer I wanted, but how thankful I am now that I got a much, MUCH better husband instead. They asked questions about "the other guy" and why he was not good, which drove us into a conversation about what a godly spouse acts like, and how important it is to be that and look for that. Davis asked "how did you know it was God, and not your own head giving you the answer?" And that, of course, opened up the conversation to talk about how reading the Bible gives you so much information about what God wants for your life and what he is telling you.

Initially I did not want to make this conversation very long and so I made the story very simple - just a couple of sentences. And I am glad I kept it simple, but I am now very encouraged to share my history with the kids (as age-appropriate - but sooner than I would have expected) as a way to help them form the world view the Lord wants them to have.

So, if you have skeletons in your closet, be thankful. They will be great material for real-life examples for your kids to explore the character of God and what God desires for his children. Don't be afraid to pull the curtain of authenticity open for your kids to witness!