Organization Ideas

I received an email from a dear friend about a year ago. I read it and then "organized it" into my email inbox. Clearly I need to actually heed some of the advice in this email because the helpful advice was lost all this time. For lack of a better place to put it, it lands here. Hope you find these tips (that I did not come up with, mind you) helpful. I can't wait to implement some of them!

(Ginger, maybe you could forward me the link to your friend's blog that gave you this help. I would like to give credit where credit is due.)

Here are a few tips that help keep the Rexine six-pack organized and working as a team.


* In the kitchen I keep five stacked paper trays each labeled with a name. Mom on top, Riley next and so on. When the kids get home from school, they unload papers for me into my bin and things like spelling words or weekend homework into their bins. We also store things like Valentine lists, school project information, and library books in their bins. My bin usually contains information on fieldtrips, school parties, school and sports pictures/schedules and other things that I need to remember FOR my kiddos. Brady's bin has a few coloring books and scratch paper so he can reach and do a "project" all on his own. He has learned to put everything away in his bin when he is finished and used paper goes into the recycling bin. He takes a lot of pride in doing this. I know you are a year or so away from all the homework, etc...but it may be helpful to get this system in place early. No searching for the missing library book or the dog ate my homework excuses.


* Four colored laundry baskets (labeled) on a cheap shelf in the garage. Kierstyn and Riley's on top, Julia and Brady on bottom. These contain all of their shoes. No more searching. They go in as soon as they come off.


* Four large printer paper boxes (labeled) to hold those special art projects/stories. When I have to put things in a box ( I am going to try to have only 1 per child for their entire school career) I am very choosey about what I save. I have 4 files in the file cabinet in which all questionable artwork goes into, and every 3 months or so I deposit the most precious into the printer paper boxes. The rest is discretely recycled.


* Large cork board hung vertically in the hallway. (I actually found an old picture at Goodwill, cut the picture out of the frame, hung the frame and filled the center with cork tiles.) Everyone can reach to put up those special drawings. When the board is full, some pictures have to come down in order to put others up. The kids chose one of their own to replace with a new one. They then put the old piece in my bin mentioned above. When I go through it, I put the special ones in their file, which will later go through the selection process with hopes of making the big box. See the process in action :)


* Book Basket Basics.....My children all LOVE books. We have a basket of book downstairs, 3 upstairs and even one in their bathroom. This helps keep a mess from being dragged from room to room. They also actually look at all the books, not just the same ones on the top.


* Laundry room....tubs for a garage sale. I keep masking tape and a sharpie in the laundry room. When items are too small and can no longer be passed down, I launder, mark and store them. I hate wasting time on handling items more then once. Every spring I have a garage sale and then use the money for the next seasons clothes. I don't feel overwhelmed, because everything has already been gone through and marked. All I have to do is pull it out and viola!


* Start those memories now.....Every year school year I save a pair of jeans from each child. I mark their name and grade (starting with preschool) and store in a tub. They will each get a quilt made out of their jean squares for graduation. A great way to use jeans that look worn or have holey knees. Some of the squares will contain pockets, others zipper and the girls have some pink jean in their collection.


*BINS BINS BINS..... I just love them. After Christmas, you can get them cheep. They may be red and green, but who cares. Plus they are easy to spot :) In our pantry I have one with games, one with easy bake oven ingredients, one with play - doh and one with puzzles/flash cards. It makes it very easy to find what we need and still organized. (I also stock up on Dollar store shower curtains. They make awesome mats for play-doh, cooking with the kids, shaving cream art, carving pumpkins. If I can clean them up great, if I don't have to...even better :)


* Next year Anessa will have to bring her own snack. On the weekend we make 5 labeled zip lock baggies for each kid for the week. Some sit in the pantry and others in the fridge (like carrots). It sure makes packing a snack much easier and what's good for one works for all. They can chose which one they want on which day.


*Plastic drinking glass drawer.....low cupboard right by the fridge. The kids can get their own glass of water. It's amazing how much time we spend getting drinks when in reality, with the right tools, most of them can do it themselves. If you don't have a water dispenser on the fridge, small sports bottles kept with water in the fridge work awesome.


*Chores...all of our kids have chores ( keep in mind...ours are older :))) They all make their own beds and pick up before they move onto the next activity. They all have daily chores, like making their beds, putting away their clothes, picking up toys. Riley helps clear the table, takes out the garbage and cleans the litter box. The girls empty the dishwasher, and fold laundry, and help set the table and Brady feeds the fish, and helps clear the table. I know family's that give allowances and it works well for them, but we really don't want out kids looking for a return being part of a family. They do, however, know that because they help out, it gives us much more "fun" time with them. A pedicure with pretty polish for the girls or tossing the ball with the boys is really what makes our kids the happiest. As your kids get older, the advantages of a large family really start to show themselves. We have grown into a wonderful team.


*Meals...I usually plan 2 large meat dishes and 3 leftover dishes. I.e. Ham dinner.....then scalloped potatoes and ham, and Hot ham and cheese melts or ham and bean soup. Chicken dinner....chicken pot pie, and chicken with penne pesto pasta. I do the big meals on Mon and Wed. and fill in with the leftovers. It really makes my meal planning a snap, not to mention I save a lot of $$$$. With our busy schedule, I usually put everything in the crock pot right after lunch and then when the 2:30 rush of children, snack and homework begin, I am prepared. I can relax into the afternoon routine still knowing that a great meal is on it's way.


* Laundry...1 light load and 1 dark load a day. I have 2 separate baskets, so everyone separates their own laundry when they drop it off. A colored basket for colors and a white basket for lights/whites. I wash during the day and then the girls and I sit and visit as we fold.....and our meal is cooking itself :)


* Breakfast....set the table for breakfast right before you go to bed. The kids love to come down to a ready to go table.....and SO DO I!!!


* Shoe Boxes.....The girls each have a shoe box of treasures under their bed. They got to decorate it with stickers and markers. This is where they put all of those things that really don't have a place and yet they don't want to get rid of. Birthday cards from Grandma, rock collection, glittery chap stick, beaver bravos etc. They are happy and I don't have to get anything caught in the vacuum cleaner.


*Stair basket or bag....Hangs on the banister or sits on the bottom step. This bag/basket (I love the reusable Fred Meyers box shaped bag) and gets filled with the collection of upstairs items that seems to walk downstairs throughout the day. I bring the bag up before bedtime and everyone is responsible for putting the items that belong to them away. If I need to ask them more than once, the bag is put away until the next day and they will not be allowed to play with the items within the bag. They will have another chance the following evening. Julia once had to go to dance without her ballet slippers and explain to teacher Tammy what happened. Needless to say.....it has never happen again. They have all learned the consequences and comply with a smile. I just love smiling :) :) :)


* And my final tip is cleaning aprons.....The girls and Brady love this....Riley is a little too cool at this point:) I found in-expensive aprons with pockets and stuffed them for cleaning day. A dust rag, a few paper towels, small water spray bottles with Windex, ponytail holder for the girls, and a plastic Freddie's bag which I loop through the tied belt for garbage. Turn on a little music and we are off on a mad yet fun cleaning spree. Brady is quite the baseboard duster.

additional tip from Ginger:
Another thing I've heard from a Megan, who runs a businss called Disorder 2 Order. She said, Horizontal is Hidden...Vertical is Visual. I had these ominous stacks on my desk of papers and 'stuff', and there would always be some bill that would inevitably get sucked in and lost at the bottom and we'd get a late fee on it. argh!! So she said sort things into one of three piles. To DO(bills,forms to be signed, etc), To READ(magazines, articles, research), and To FILE. So I got some cute pee-chees? sp? and a magazine holder thing and everything goes into one of those three folders. I have an extra folder for Anessa's artwork that keeps showing up everywhere. It's nice because it sets a limit: When the File, or Read folder gets full, I have to take care of it, it can't get any fatter. So I take it upstairs to the office and file away, or sit down and read and toss. It's nice because papers aren't being carried up one-by-one to get lost before they reach the office.

Dry Run

Summer is fast approaching. With one in school and the others still preschoolers, I am hardly well-versed at "how to do summer vacation well."
I have a few goals for my soon-to-be second-grader, and my nearly-kindergartner LOVES academic worksheets, math flashcards and reading lessons (how woulda thunk THAT one?) so I want to start the summer running with a new morning routine that mimicks what I imagine homeschool would look like in our house, should we ever go that route.

Wake up
Breakfast
Get dressed & ready for the day
(so far, this is nothing new)
Chores
Homework
Play-play-play!

On Memorial Day we did a "Dry Run," where I gave the kids a taste of what the summer mornings would be like. It was abbreviated and a bit rocky, but the expectations are now set for the older two and I am (nearly) ready with the new, "enhanced" (read: longer!) chore lists.

There is still a little bit of time before school ends, so if this idea gets you all excited, make a plan for this saturday. Or, if you don't have school-aged kids yet, YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!

I highly recommend the Expectation-setting Dry Run a week or so before you make the change. Happy thinking!

A Sea of Stuffies and a Hoarder

I am a bit tired of picking up stuffed animals. One of my children has a real obsession with them. (Did you know boys could be like that? I didn't.) The animals seem to be having babies or something because they are multiplying.

To complicate this growing problem, that same child has recently entered a "please-please-please don't put it in the garbage" phase. Everything from scraps of paper to broken toys that are tossed in the trash is very disconcerting for him. A couple of nights ago he came out of his room (after being put to bed) with HUGE tears welling up in his sweet little eyes. What was the matter? He was very concerned about the tracing paper that his older brother had thrown away earlier that day. The paper was all drawn on and has served its purposes well and the artist himself had decided it was time to toss them. As far as I knew, my little hoarder never even knew the drawings existed until we went to throw it away. He came out of his room clutching the garbage can. I could see his panic rising.

Not that I want to always take to throwing everything away (that's wasteful), but it is nice to give things away, recycle, and, yes, toss. But to him, it is all the same: if it leaves the house to not return, it is painful. "Where is it going, Mom?" "Will it EVER come back?" "Where does the garbage truck take it?"

So with a child who can't part with trash, how am I to control the stuffed animal overpopulation and the mounting scraps of scribbled-on paper? Two words: NEGOTIATION (he is an incredible negotiator, BTW) and PERGATORY.

NEGOTIATION:
We lined up all his animals and I told him he could keep two of them and the rest would go "on vacation." (In our house, when a toy goes on vacation it is stored in a bin for a while and then later brought back out.) His eyes lit up knowing he would not lose anything. My little negotiator talked me into doubling the number of stuffed animals he could keep. Eh, I'm a pushover. Actually, I let him know that so long as he was able to manage all four and I was not always stepping over them or picking them up, four would be fine. (I have Diane Moore to thank for that idea.)

What my little sweetie does not know is that this vacation is really more of a PERGATORY. Today, while at his T-Ball game, I scoured the big boys' room. All the trinkets and junk and random collections and extra stuffed animals were sorted through. Much of it was placed in a big box that I marked PERGATORY. If either of my children say, "Mom, do you know where my ____ went?" I can say, "Hummmm, I will keep my eye out for it," and then pull the missed item out of the box a little later. But all THE OTHER not-so-missed items can stay put. At some point, I will trash/give away the contents of that box... when I am fairly certain it is safe to do so.

Honestly, I am "a tosser" and I would rather just send it to the curb right now but out of respect for my kids, I need to not just toss what might be precious to them. I will tread lightly (especially while my one child is in such a "keep it!!" phase) and recognize that while their things might not have value in my eyes, they are valuable in theirs. And that is enough reason to keep something around... for now.

The Blessed Timer

There is one tool in my house that I have a special fondness for: The timer. Oh, let me count the ways this timer has helped me manage the various stages of mothering thus far.


Great uses for a timer

1. The most obvious (and least interesting) use of the timer is for cooking. But I must say that the timer on my oven has saved our meals from a burnt crisp pretty much every night. The little beep goes off and I think, "huh. What was that for? OH YEAH! I am cooking something!" Using the term distracted really does not do justice to the brain activity of this mom on any given day.


2. When naps fade away and "rests" become en vogue for my kids, the timer is set to the highest possible number it can go (60 whole minutes) and the child quietly reads and rests on his bed until the sweet dinging is heard.


C. When toothbrushing consists of a quick scrub of only the top two front teeth, the timer, set to 2 minutes, helps that child work on all his pearly whites. (In this situation, the timer was long ago replaced with singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" two times through.)


4. When my four-year-old is learning to play with an eighteen- to twenty-four-month-old, the timer serves as a great way for that older sibling to know that there is an end in sight. A timer set for 10-15 minutes (to begin with, anyway) is a do-able task for a preschooler, IMHO. It is SO HARD to play with a kid that is constantly messing with the toy he is playing with, so this is a good introduction for the older child to learn how to be selfless and for the younger child to feel included in the fun for a while. "You can read more about how we protect the sibling relationship in the early years here.


5. Timers are GREAT for time outs, of course. I am not a big believer in time outs, but they do have their place in the discipline toolbox. And a timer helps!


E. And when there is only one of something (like a trampoline, or a swing, or a fire engine) that timer comes in handy again. I can remember when my oldest two boys were three and five years of age and I would set the timer in the playroom for them to use all on their own. They would set it for the agreed upon minutes and have fun taking turns. The game became less of a "I want a turn with the cool toy" and more of a "Let's find something fun to play with so WE CAN USE THE TIMER!!"


And, because I have a baby, my current favorite use of the timer is for his sleep. There are two ways I can't live without my timer.


1.) Teaching a baby how to cry himself to sleep requires (for my personality) a timer. When baby cries in his bed, I automatically set the timer for the number of minutes that corresponds to the number of weeks old he is (4 weeks old = four minutes) and shut off the baby monitor. When that timer dings, I turn the monitor back on to check to see if he is still crying. It's a lifesaver because I CAN'T STAND to listen to my babies cry. (But if i don't set a timer and just turn the monitor off, I will forget that he is crying... and if I just leave the monitor on so I hear him crying, I about go insane, wringing my hands in nervous energy and tension.) For more sleep tips, you can check this post and also this one.

2.) Defining sleep cycles. OK. I will admit that I don't use a timer for this one. Just a clock. But it relates to #1 above, teaching babies how to nap... So, 45 minutes after my baby goes to sleep, he almmost always wakes up and cries. (45 minutes is a typical sleep cycle and most babies wake for a time after that first sleep cycle but will - and need to - go back to sleep if they are given the chance.) Anyway, I note if it is, indeed, 45 minutes after I put him down. And if so, I use my timer trick above and he can learn to fall back asleep. If it is past 45 minutes, then it can be counted (according to my favorite sleep expert) as a nap and I can go get him.

The Quiet Book

Upon searching for some interesting things to keep kids quiet and/or occupied during church services, I ran across this great idea called the "Quiet Bag." Click here if you want to read the entire post and comment series.

In the quiet bag are Christian books, workbooks, paper crafts, lacing cards,felts, etc . . . for the 4-6 year-olds and small hand-helds and board books for the wee ones, we especially like to take some Noah's ark animals and a wee felt ark. Our 8 yr old is getting to an age where he prefers to listen to the sermon and draw a little.

I also came across this idea (same website, again in the comment section of this post) for teaching kids corporately how to behave in church. Hey C-Stone family! While not all of this applies to our church, wouldn't this be a fun skit to do one day in Family Sunday School or during church?

At our church, all kids are expected to attend the worship service once they start Kindergarten and I feel very blessed that we have such a great preschool program for our 10 month old and 4 year old boys. Our oldest son, who is 6, attends church with us then goes on to his SS class when we go to ours. When the kids start kindergarten, they go to a crazy, over the top "I'm Big Enough" program. The couple that teaches music in the preschool will get up on stage with their kids, but the dad is dressed like a little boy...suspenders, shorts, knee socks and a cap...it's hilarious, especially since he has gray hair and a mustache!! There are three rows of 5 chairs on stage to represent "church" and he does ALL of the wrong things and the "mom" who is really his wife, struggles to keep him in line. He shouts and waves to his friends, squirms in his chair, lays in the floor, makes vroom noises with a toy car and puts his feet on the chair in front of him. During this time, someone else is narrating what's going on and asking the kids if they think this is what he should be doing? The kids love it and it really gives them a sense of what NOT to do. Once they have watched the program, they receive their own tote bag that says "I'm Big Enough" on it and they use this to keep quiet activities in for church. I make sure to always keep a folder of worksheets to slide in as well as Color Wonder markers/paper, a small etch a sketch, pipe cleaners (which are always a huge hit), dot to dot books, circle a word pages and picture search books We've been very proud of him and also surprised how much he learns from hearing our pastor's message.

Cracking Down

Hopefully it does not surprise anyone reading this when they hear that since being pregnant and especially being in my third trimester, the discipline in the household has slipped "a bit." There are certain times of day when I have unwittingly trained my big kids to require much too much supervision in order for them to follow through with tasks. Getting ready for bed is a big one. So is getting socks, shoes and coats on and getting in the car.

So I informed the kids Saturday night that a new order was in place. With a calm, patient voice I explained that I will ask them once to get ready for bed and that I will not ask again. If I see disobedience, they should expect a spank rather than a reminder. The reality is that both my older kids are more than capable of getting themselves totally ready for bed but I have allowed them to be distracted, goof around, and take three times longer than necessary to get the job done. The end result, of course, is that I end up frustrated, exhausted, and raising my voice. It is generally a terrible way to end an otherwise lovely day.

And thinking forward a week or so, I know that I am not going to have "the luxury" of such close monitoring. I will be nursing, or bopping, or whatever, a little one. I will need my kids to be responsive to my voice at the first call. And I really need them to understand that non-responsiveness will not go well for them.

The really good news is that these past couple of nights have gone amazingly well. I remind them of the new way things are, give them their instructions and then ask little distractable Jackson (4 1/2) to repeat back to me what I have asked him to do. Both evenings he has been unable to repeat it so I feed him the words, "Jackson, say, 'I am going to go straight upstairs and getting all-the-way-ready for bed.'" I know he knows what his task is, and that gives me the freedom to follow through with the discipline if needed. And so far, it has not been needed (proof of their competence!).

It feels great to regain some control and expect of my kids what I KNOW they are capable of. With only days to go before delivery day, its about time!!

Chaos Eliminator #15 & 16

I love chaos eliminators. Anything that dims life's chaos is a good thing. Last Saturday night we were at a wedding and reception with all three of our boys. It was the 4th reception we had brought the boys to at this particular location and so they all were feeling MUCH TOO COMFORTABLE in the environment. And you KNOW that comfortability in children breeds: trouble. My children are not an exception. Ryan and I hardly knew what hit us, as we were trying to contain the boys to the room we were assigned to, prevent them from dumping the coffee creamer and sugar on the floor, keep their fingers out of the not-yet-cut cake, slam into fellow guests, and wrestle on the middle of the dance floor. The trouble was that they had nothing constructive to do while we all waited "patiently" for the food to be served. And then once the food was served, my children were done eating in approximately 8.7 seconds so the boredom was quick to return. The cutting of the cake (which they literally did laps around) was still 75 minutes away.

I, of course, had nothing to entertain them with, hardly any way to contain them, and was honestly more interested in shoving food in my own mouth than chasing them. No chaos elimination up my sleeve. (I did have a helpful husband who did his best while chatting with old college friends.)

At one point, the people we shared a table with, bless their heart, said, "They are not bad, just 'active.'" Ok, you can't fool this mama: "active" is nothing more than code words for "rambuntious" and "you should have left them at home."

It was at that moment that I felt the embarassment. There were other kids in the room doing much the same things as my kids, but that mattered little to me because I had nothing up my sleeve to prevent things from spinning further out of control. (In all fairness, they were not out of control, but I felt a serious lack of control with my big-pregnant belly and massive fatigue... pregnancy is not known to cause a woman to think more clearly, you know.)

So anyway, my chaos eliminator #15 & 16 comes out of my failure to plan on that night and it is this:

• Always, always, have a plan, and
• never, never, go to a wedding and reception with three young boys while you are in your third trimester.

How is that for helpful information?!

It Really is a Privilege...

... to play unsupervised. This is just some food for thought, but it has been percolating in my brain for quite a while now. As we raise our kids - especially when they are in these early training, preschool years - we take an enormous amount of time to teach our kids how they should respond and react to other humans (and animals, too, I suppose!). When a child up and smacks his brother you have yourself a bonafide training opportunity to teach the offending child how to properly behave. And when little Susy can't seem to share even one dolly in a pile of dollies and Emily responds by swiping one out of selfish Susy's arms, you again have happened upon an excellent opportunity to teach Susy about generosity and Emily about patience. The scenarios will undoubtedly resurface numerous times and your training and teaching will repeat itself. (Prepare to learn a new level of patience!)

But the only way to grab up these critical opportunities is to keep those kids in your sight. (It is hard to effectively teach when you are not certain of what caused the problem in the first place. Does Susy really need to learn generosity, or is it that Emily was using her brawn instead of her words.) If you have a good suspicion that leaving siblings or friends alone in a room to play together will result in some traumatic tear-filled episode, then one or both of those kids have not earned the privilege of unsupervised play. There is more teaching and training to do!

But the payoff is incredible, when you can leave a room and trust that the child or children left there will do the right thing most all the time.

When Jackson and Jenna were going through a stage where they got into naughty mischief whenever they were together (something not normally in either of their patterns of behavior) we had to rescind their privilege of unsupervised play and watch them carefully to correct them. The last thing we wanted was the two of them to establish bad habits of play that would stick around! After a relatively short amount of time of supervision we were able to re-establish the privilege. (Whew!)

The bottom line is that we humans have the responsibility to treat others in a certain way, and the big bad world teaches us that when we don't, we lose friends, freedoms, jobs, relationships (i.e. privileges). It is a grace we give to our kids when we apply that same real-world principle in our homes. Correct me if I am wrong, Tiffany, but that is a classic example of doling out logical consequences.

One little kiddo-caveat: When my boys were between 18 and 30 mos or so, I did a lot of "protecting and preserving" of sibling relationships. It is REALLY HARD when you are three or four years old to play with a two year old. They are destructive and lack an incredible amount of understanding. So in the interest of staving off the terrible and innumerable negative interactions between siblings, I frequently saved the older child from "the wrath of the two-year-old." And when that two year old does play with the four-year-old brother, they play under my close supervision. I can teach my older child patience and kindness when reasonable, but then when the younger one tries to trash the entire train track that the older one pain-stakingly built, I can quickly mitigate that situation by swooping in to the rescue. And as far as the 7 year-old interacting with the two-year-old, he has matured enough so that those two CAN play unsupervised. It is a beautiful thing.

Anyway, I encourage you to keep your kids close. Be close by so you can teach them over and over again what godly responses look like. It can be tedious and exhausting at times but you will not be sorry you took the time early on to train your kids in these character qualities.

MOMMMMEEEEE! WIPE ME!!

Little Jackson has taken to wanting me to wipe him again. He has been potty trained for over 2 years and is fully capable of performing all functions quite well (well, decently at least). And its a good thing, too, since kindergarten looms in a little less than a year. So this new request to be wiped was fine for a couple of toilet episodes but I could see the writing on the wall: it was not going to end anytime soon and with a baby on the way and a nearly two-year old still in diapers, I will be dealing with my fair share of poop with the unable-to-wipe-themselves variety of children. This convenience needed to be nipped in the bud.

So I used a little tid bit from Tiffany and started wiping him with a bit more vigor and intensity than necessary. Nothing torturous or painful, just a bit harder than that sensitive area prefers. "OW-OW-OW! Mom, why are you doing it too hard?" Because that's how a mom wipes a four-and-a-half-year-old that already knows how to wipe himself, sweetie.

And let me tell you, it did the trick. The very next day I asked him, Do you want me to wipe you, Jackson? I'd be glad to!! "YES! Wait. Are you going to do it hard? No, nevermind. I can do it, Mommy."

Yes, you can. You are such a big boy!! Independence is a very good thing, my love!!

A Rhetorical Morsel

One thing that can really trip up us moms is when our kids do things that bug us but we don't necessarily have a name for it. Its just those annoying things that they do that you know they shouldn't but you can't identify the underlying character issue. Like a sibling that constantly does things to purposely annoy another sibling. The thing they are doing is not overtly wrong but you want the behavior to stop and the best you can come up with to say is something eloquent like, "Stop annoying your sister!" Another area similar to this is when kids ask the same question over and over again, hoping to get a different, more favorable, answer from mom.

In most cases of nagging, it is very difficult to deal calmly with a child that is wearing you down. One way I have found to get the nagging to stop (aside from giving in) is to raise my voice, get angry and make my kids sorry they asked for the eleventh time. But ah-ha! I have found another rhetorical option. In this approach, you calmly give them a point of obedience, and if they disobey you, you can enforce it as you would enforce any other obedience issue.

Kids, at 9:30AM: "Can we have a treat?"
Mom: "Yes, you may. AFTER lunch."
(two minutes later...)
"Mommmmeeeee, can we have a treeeeeeeet?"
"I already answered that question. Do you remember what the answer was?"

• If they don't, then repeat the answer and then ask them to tell you what you just said (having them repeat the answer will cement it in their brain and give you the assurance that they have heard and will likely remember the answer next time they ask).
• If they do remember, have them tell you what the answer was and then praise them for remembering.

And then when they ask again (as my kids do) say something like, "I already answered that question, didn't I? Now please don't ask again." And a follow-up answer could be along the lines of, "I told you that you may not ask me that question again. Will you choose now to obey or disobey?"


Using these words takes a behavior that is otherwise just annoying and tiresome and difficult to discipline for and turns it around into a very simple obedience issue. Sneaky, huh?

Yes, It was me

Yes, it was me that you (perhaps) saw, but (more likely) HEARD in Target this morning. To be more precise, it was not ME you heard, but my three screaming children.

Uh-huh. I was that mom with the three kids and the swollen belly ("Come on now, young lady, do you really think you can handle another one?! Get that girl some prophylactics!") in the 14 foot long cart made so that two bigger kids can sit and have foot and leg wars right where my sensitive shins hang out while I walk the aisles. Yes, that same cart that has no place for a one-and-a-half-year-old child except the part of the cart that houses all the precious items to purchase. (Why did I let the kids talk me into getting that dreaded cart this time?)

Yes, it was me you saw chasing after a tiny basketball that the baby kept throwing out of the cart. The fact that it still had its square-ish packaging did not squelch its bouncibility as much as you would think.

And as you walked the diaper or shampoo aisle, you could not avoid the ear-piercing screams that said baby was belting out - all because I just could not chase after that ball one more time. I put it, instead, under the cart on that bottom part meant for over sized or overweight items. So this poor, deprived child could SEE the beloved ball, but could not touch it. And OH MY how that angered him. MY, OH MY!

It is quite possible that, because of the screaming, you did not hear the bickering in which my older two children were engaged. Oh, you missed a good set of arguments, let me assure you. "I want the red seat belt!" "No, you have to have the BLACK one. I have the red one. Get your legs out of MY AREA!" "Mommy! why can't IIIIIII-EEEEEE get soccer shoes?!" "Get your legs off of me! Quit it!!"

So, sorry about that. I did not mean to make such a scene. I actually intended to have fun getting the soccer player of the group new cleats, and a ball for each of the still-too-young ones. My mistake.

Incidentally, the baby lost all interest in the ball once he got home, and middle child - the other ball recipient - had a major melt down later that evening on the way to big brother's practice because - you guessed it - he could not find his new ball that he so desperately wanted to play with during practice.

And on my kitchen counter is the verse I have been thinking on and memorizing: Romans 12:9-10 "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to each other in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." There is a lesson in all this.....somewhere.

My Binki Boy

As much as I would like him to speak, I am really enjoying this wonderful age (20 months, now!). He is sweet, cuddly, generally quick to obey, and a real delight. He finds more ways to get filthy dirty than any 10 boys combined. He never tires of pointing out Curious George in his favorite board book. He will stack and crash down blocks, laughing hysterically each time, as though it were the first time. He delights to dump anything out of it's container (tupperware in the kitchen, 10,000 army men from the blue bin, socks from the sock bin, toothbrushes from the container they reside in, cranberries from a winco bulk foods sack, the list goes endlessly on) and he also loves to put things away. He spent an afternoon frustrated at a cupboard that would not stay closed (he would shut it, it would pop open an inch. He would shut it again, it would pop open again... again and again, until he started to cry...I could just hear his orderly little head saying, "I can't get this to be how it's supposed to be!!!!!"). And one last thing that endears me to this stage of his life: he loves his binkis. We try to contain them to the crib, but he sneaks them out frequently.

So, while I am at it, I will give you my little tip for binki-dependent children: At night time one of the most frustrating things is when the child wakes up in the middle of the night and can't find the binki. We solved this problem early on by attaching binki clips to all "crib binkis" and then attaching the clip to a stuffed animal. Weston has since found it delightful to pull the clip off the stuffed animal and now all he needs in the crib to find those precious binkis is the ribbon and clip: he can find those binkis just fine in the middle of the night. So, you can understand why he and I share a love for those wonderful binki clips (though my reason has much more to do with sleep than anything else!).

The Bewitching Hours

A friend, Andrea, just posted a enjoyable Mom moment and made mention of the contrasting stinky part of the day, between 4 and 6 PM: that section of the day which all too often results in tears, sibling arguments, and grouchy mommies. (And then Daddy gets to enter into THAT atmosphere...poor guy!!)

There really is nothing worse than experiencing the stress that comes from trying to prepare dinner while your kids' behavior sinks lower and lower into a mess of tears, anger and frustration. The whole day could have gone swimmingly, but when that clock dongs it's 4th dong, WATCH OUT! I thought I would give a few anti-bewitching ideas that have worked for me and then invite you to share yours:

• Give a medium hearty, healthy snack around 3pm (you too, Mom!)
• Hunger can be a huge factor in the bewitching hours, especially if bedtime is close to 7PM. If Daddy gets home closer to 6PM or later (i.e. nearing bedtime), consider feeding the kids a simple dinner around 4-4:30PM and then have the kids eat fruit or cheese or a little treat while you and your husband dine together.
• While you are busy getting dinner ready, have a quiet activity already figured out for the kids to work on: puzzles, coloring, books
• Separate the kids on different couches or corners to partake in their activities to minimize (eliminate!) arguments
• Do all (or most) of your food prep (veggies/meat cutting) before 3PM so you are less stressed to get food all prepared
• Along the same lines as #4, set the table before 3PM
• Invite the kids to help with the dinner prep: even a small child can pull lettuce apart for a salad, or use a butter knife to cut bananas for the kids plates
• Put the baby in the crib for some independent play time!! Turn on some enjoyable music and toss a few toys in the crib. Start with just 15 minutes at a time - eventually they will last much, much longer so you can cook and attend to the older kids
• Think ahead: like, at breakfast (or better yet during yesterday's dinner prep) pull out your meat to defrost.
• Know what you are having for dinner by lunchtime (or better yet, have a meal plan decided for the whole week).

So, how have you fought the bewitching hours in YOUR home?

So How Do YOU Do It?

I get cranky when clutter piles up. I wish I could claim to be such a neat-freak that clutter just doesn't happen in this house. But truth-be-told, clutter is part of my life. My kitchen counters are the biggest clutter-collector, followed closely by my dining room table (no fun to set the table for dinner when I must start with finding places for everything that collected on the table). Next in line is our "phone table," my desk and, well, basically any elevated horizontal surface.

The good news is that over the years I have found a variety of ways to combat it. I thought I would share my tips and let you share yours, too.

1. Never start a new project until the current one is totally done and put away. (That includes starting another load of laundry before the clean, dry load is folded and put away.) Teach your kids to only make one mess at a time, too.
2. Throw stuff away. Ever done a "27 fling boogie?" walk quickly around your house with a plastic grocery sack and put 27 things in it that belong in the trash.
3. Put toys with a zillion pieces up and out of reach so you can control when (or if) they come down.
4. Do the dinner dishes and wipe down the counters every night so you awaken to a fresh start every day.
5. Do a "that doesn't belong" run. Walk around your cluttery spots and fill your hands with things that don't belong (stop when your hands are full) and then go put each item away. Do that once or twice and call it good until tomorrow. This works really well when you only have a moment and you are just totally overwelmed at the thought of even attempting to de-clutter.

So those are my top five. How do YOU deal with the constant barrage of clutter coming at you?

Into a Summer Swang

I would be lying if I said that we have kept up with our wonderful afternoon routine that was created at the beginning of the year. But in fairness, it was the first trimester yucks that pulled us from it. Our afternoon routine now consists of my pathetic effort to climb the stairs at noon after working for the business all morning, give a few hugs, toss the baby into bed if he is not there already, and then set the kids up in front of a 30 minute show so I can close my eyes and rest my weary body. I threaten them with all sorts of horrible things if they play or argue loudly enough to awaken me, and I leave them for a good ninety minutes. They are usually little angels. When I nod off cuddled up to my body pillow (thank you Megan), I catch some serious shuteye, usually rising only because the baby has woken up and started to jump and play in his crib. Now, after nearly a month of this "routine" my kids eagerly ask as I make my climb up from my office if I will be taking a nap today (reading between the lines, "can we watch a show, Mommy??"). Though this routine is nothing to be proud of, in the big picture, "no child is harmed in the making of this movie."

Getting back from my digression, the yucks remain for another couple of weeks (maybe less) but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and after the super-hot sunny wave we enjoyed last week, I also see that the routine that was so wonderful for the winter must be shipped off to Alaska or Sweden, or some other sad place where people don't wear tank tops while gardening. A new summer routine must be birthed.


I usually "think big" to a fault at first - to the point that I want to give up before I even start. I have wonderful, lofty, doomed-to-fail ideas of how I want the kids to do all these marvelous things without complaint, without hesitation, and with all the diligence of pre-adults. I have learned over the years how to actually make it happen: by building a routine around a fixed daily event (meal and/or snack time is my personal choice) adding to it slowly, one week at a time, one activity/goal at a time.


The first major change that must be made is that all the important stuff needs to take place first thing in the morning. In the warm weather, my kids play quite happily all afternoon outside, and I am happy that they do that. They get tons of exercise, and they get dirty-dirty-dirty. I love that. But I don't love it in the house. So the last thing I want to do is invite the dirt in prematurely. Not a very godly reason, but its the truth.

And since school is out, I want to take advantage of a slower morning to read the Bible together, have Bible quiet times again, and spend a little time alone with each of my bigger boys practicing reading. The kids will be devastated to learn that the summer daily routine will likely not include TV. I have other things in mind that I would like to build into the routine, but if I list them all I will get that hopelessly overwhelmed feeling in the back of my eyes and I will be tempted to just keep on napping.

Let's not go there!!

Toddler Parenting

Ok. I have raved about Marc Weisbluth's book on getting an infant/toddler to establish good sleep habits. And I have raved and raved about Diane Moore's book here and here, which is excellent for kids starting at about kindergarten age (maybe a touch younger). But there is a sizable age gap that MUST be filled. So, my next raving will be Elizabeth Kruegger's book "Raising Godly Tomatoes." I have actually mentioned her website once, in this post.



This book is the single best resource I have come across that teaches not only the philosophy of teaching a young child obedience, but it gives practical examples in short chapters that break child-training process down into bite-sized pieces.



She begins with teaching children at the age of 6 months or so - that is a great time to introduce mommy's authority and the concept of "no." That's when they are squirming at a diaper change, and with in months it is also when they are at least a bit on the move and touching things they ought not.



Her main emphasis in child raising is keeping your children close to you. She calls this tomato staking - where you can watch closely and be a student of your children, and can quickly correct problems before they become issues. I think this is great, but it is only fair of me to mention - and warn you - that she is a big propenent of limiting contact with the outside world and believes that just about any contact with "other children" is adversive - even at church. I will also humbly say that I am only raising 3 right now, and she has birthed 10, SO WHO AM I TO THINK I KNOW BETTER? I do know that for my family right now, having exposure to "the outside world" is just fine. And her thoughts on this subject by no means disqualifies her from giving excellent parenting advice. Honestly, she is a very wise, woman.



So if you are about the enter the age of parenting a child who wants increasing independence, or if you are in the thick of it and wishing you had more help, go check out her site, read up on Tomato Staking and Starting Early. I encourage you to purchase the book. It will be the best $15 you invest this month.

Stay tuned. I will whet your parenting appetite in the next couple of days.

Too Much, Too Fast

Some days I wake up and I feel like I've fallen behind before my feet hit the floor. Like I hit the snooze button one too many times and I've missed the window for my shower, and the whole day is shot. I will never catch up. The kids argue with each other and I don't know how I will handle the conflict -- but no sense dealing with that one, because another one is fast on its heels. And the picky-eater-teething-feverish-toddler won't eat the oatmeal I had prepared but before I have time to think about what my next move is, he has thrown the bowl on the floor and now I have to clean before I feed. And the toddler is still hungry but now he is crying because I won't let him eat the sticky oatmeal off the floor (he has changed his mind about his meal preference) not because I have a huge issue about floor eating but because I can't remember the last time I mopped.

My sister calls it "defensive parenting" - when all you can do is react (usually poorly) to every situation that comes your way. There is no anticipating what your child will do or say next and so there is no proactive plan of attack hanging out in the wings.

Say I plan a trip to the library. I know the usual battles that will come up. And if I don't plan for them by talking the kids through them, the trip is exhausting and not one I am excited about doing again soon.

My battles: getting both big boys to stay with me while I walk - hands full of books and a squirming baby - from the car to the library doors; who is going to push the outside handicap door button - and who will push the inside door button; will the kids play computer this time?; will we actually read books there or just grab and go? And my personal favorite: controlling the kids while I am unloading and re-loading books into our library bin while the nice library-lady is scanning all 800 books we couldn't live without.

On my reactive parenting days, while we are waiting for the books to all be scanned, I am asking Jackson for the fourth time to not climb up the metal detectors, and then I am craning my neck to see if Davis is still getting a drink of water near the outside doors where 756 suspicous strangers have just entered and exited the library, all the while holding a baby that is fighting with all his might to hold a book firmly between his slobbery lips (right in from of the library police!), and that same Official is calmly reminding me of the 4 books that still have fines on them, "Looks like you have $1.85 in library fines... would you like to take care of that today?" Yeah. I would. Let me just pull that third arm out of my back pocket so that I can get that for you real quick.

Yes, I love feeling like one of "those moms." Its heartwarming to receive the sideways glances from unsympathetic grown-ups that scream, "Get CONTROL of those monsters!"

But in all fairness, a little fore-thought (and perhaps one less bop of the snooze alarm) could have prevented the whole scene. I know Jackson will climb up the metal detectors (why do they make them to look like a jungle gym anyway?), and Davis is always parched when we walk up to that desk. I know the definition of insanity, so I should instead try something new, hoping for a new result... "Ok boys. When we get up to the desk, I want you to sit with your backs to the desk wall and with your hands on your lap. Got it?"

There is really nothing profound about this example but the idea of parenting proactively is actually quite profound. It takes mental energy and prayer for divine wisdom to do it well. It requires sitting up and taking notice at the parenting situations you find yourself in and asking questions of it.
What will I say next time he does this?
What was his motivation when he did it?
What attitude was in his heart?

Is the behavior disobedient or just annoying?
What would the Bible term this kind of disobedience?
And when I figure out what behavior they should "put off", what behavior can I encourage them to "put on?"

Who considers these things, in the heat of the moment and instantly has solid answers? Very few. Certainly not THIS parent. But God has very clear instructions to believers, that we must ask for wisdom and when we do, He delights to give it to us (we hear the delight in the written prayers of Paul):

Ephesians 1:15-17
15 For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints, 16 do not cease giving thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers; 17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him.

Colossians 1:9-11
9 For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience...

So in light of how much the Lord loves to give us wisdom and knowledge of Him, and considering how godly a task it is to raise God-fearing children, allow me to encourage you today to take a moment to sit at the feet of our Lord and asking Him for wisdom and knowledge for how to handle all your parenting situations. He will delight to answer such prayers.

WFMW - Schedule THIS.

If you have ever wished (to no avail) that you could create a "way we do things" and a "when we do things" with the kids, this post is aimed at you.

To start with, some minds are made for creating systems and order. For example, they love coming up with spreadsheets that detail out every hour of their day. Other brains were created to maintain an existing system or order. Give them that pre-made spreadsheet and they go to town!

However, Ask a systems-creator to actually maintain their brilliant system and you might find that they are all gusto in the first week, and then quickly peeter out, unable to keep up with the demands of their awesome way of doing something. Furthermore, ask a natural-born "maintainer" to come up with a brilliant system for making the day go (albeit theoretically) smooth like silk and you might find her eyes welling up with tears because the task seems insurmountable. The bottom line here is that most of us stink at order, though we all long for it.

So might I suggest a gentler way to "schedule" your day with your preschool kiddos.

• First, find a fixed point in your day that pretty much happens whether the sky falls or not. How about lunchtime.
• Next, decide on something that you would like to see happen every day, like picking up toys before naptime. If your brain works like mine, it gets all excited and goes crazy at this step, so let yourself dream about the wonderful things you could accomplish with your kids if there was a schedule, but then hold back and PACE YOURSELF!
• Talk about it with your kids. Say, "starting Monday, we are going to..."
• Start super slow. Finish the sentence you started above with, "...spend 5 minutes picking up our toys," even if you know it would really take a solid 15-30 minutes.
• Add chunks of time or tasks as the weeks progress. "Starting on Valentines Day we are going to spend 10 minutes picking up the toys." Then, "Starting in March we are going to keep working until the whole place is clean!"
• Continue to build around that fixed point. "Spring Break is coming, kids" (like your preschoolers have any idea, but you get my drift, right?) "and starting then we are going to do one chore each day before lunchtime."
• Stay positive and fun. Make games out of things as they adjust to the demands of the schedule. If one day is a disaster, focus on what did get done and start fresh tomorrow.

Now, I don't care if your house is clean before naptime or if your kids are doing chores, but can you see how I am building around a fixed point (lunch), and doing things in small increments in order to create a routine? You are not overwhelmed at the task of maintaining something impossible, and the kids are not overwhelmed by a sudden major shift in their day. This is also a great way to establish a bedtime routine, get kids ready in the morning, accomplish homeschooling tasks (I might imagine), establishing a quiet time when naps are no longer part of the day, or...

I have been working off of this principle since January 1, 2008. I started super small, like I described, with just '4 minutes of reading the Bible after lunch.' Now it is early February and the kids and I have sucessfully added the following things to our after-lunch-and-when-mommy-gets-home-from-work routine:

• Recycle the under the sink pile
• Feed the cat
• Pick up the baby toys that the (now napping) baby pulled out that morning
• Do one extra chore, for example laundry (I have to think ahead on that one and write in on my kitchen dry-erase board the night before or during breakfast.)
• Read a couple pages in The Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes.
• Practice our weekly verse (supplied for us by our Sunday School class)
• 40 minutes of Bible Quiet time (even the baby participates in this: I place him in his crib with lots of toys, binkis, and his favorite CD...we have been slowly working up to this with him!)
• A quick snack
• And then the big reward: 30 minutes of some beloved show we have TiVoed (one of these days I think I will post something on the virtures of digital video recorders).

The kids then play (usually quite happily) until dinner time. Granted, that hour can still be a bewitched one, with tempers on the edge and tears-a-plenty. The only thing I have found that works here every time is an earlier dinner, a spoil-your-dinner healthy snack, or TV (lame!). Got any ideas on that one?

For more great tips and other Works For Me Wednesdays, visit Rocks In My Dryer.

Embracing Privileges

I want to raise boys that will grow up to be men that are serious about taking care of their responsibilities - their family being the first and foremost on that list. So we talk a lot about taking care of our responsibilities before we enjoy our privileges.

My big boys have long outgrown naps so after lunch in our house we set to our afternoon responsibilities (in the summer, when school is out, there will be morning ones as well). Every day we pick up all the toys that have collected, we put out that days' recycling, we feed the cat, we practice the verse we are working on for the week, and we sit down and read the Bible together. I also come up with one "extra chore" that each big boy does. (for example, wiping down the glass coffee table, wiping the sliding glass door, dragging the laundry basket to the utility room (or many other laundry tasks), wiping toothpaste from the sink, sweeping our wood-floor stairs, cleaning garbage and junk out of the car, and on and on...) The whole process takes about 30 minutes. My six year old is completely independant in his tasks now, and my three-year-old is becoming more independant each week.

It does take some thinking, but it is paying off, as my boys are actually becoming helpful. It has been an incredible opportunity for training, as the boys learn how to do many useful things around the house. It is also a built-in accountability for me because I see it as a time to take care of my household responsibilities too (like I can take care of them all in 30 minutes! Ha!).

Another concept that the kids are seeing is that I, too, am adhering to this principle. I have answered many of their requests to play with me with a "let me just finish this responsibility, and then I can." There is great freedom in this, because the kids get it (most of the time) that I need to take care of things. And on the other side of it, I am being purposeful to end my task in a timely manner and enjoy the privilege of reading to, or playing a bit of basketball with them.

The establishment of all this has prompted me to process the notion of privilege. Afternoon privileges in our home right now are usually 30 minutes of TV, sometimes 20 minutes on the computer. Prior to establishing this household priciple, I was THE GATEKEEPER of the TV and computer. I have great distain for this role, as it is a referee's close cousin. Now, the kids hold the keys to the gate. They know that responsibilities come before those beloved privileges, and instead of asking if they can watch TV, they are asking if they can take care of their responsibilities.

Usually the last thing we do on our "R" list is sit down and read a couple pages from our Bible. Today I rounded the corner, prepared to sit and read with them. I was blessed when I entered the family room to find my big boys sitting on the couch together with the Bible opened to the picture of one of Jesus' parables. Davis was telling (quite adeptly) what happened to each of the seeds that fell on the rocks, path, thorns, and good soil. Jackson was listening with great interest, interrupting with his questions. I sat next to Jackson and we listened and I smiled.

WFMW - Easier Meal Planning

It's another Works for Me Wednesday! This is not rocket science here, but a simple tip to make meal planning a little easier.
First,
grab a piece of paper and write down all the meals you can think of that your family loves to eat. Then write down all the meals you enjoy cooking. Tack the list up on the fridge and add to it throughout the week.
Then,
the day before you grocery shop, pull your list down and use it to create your menu and grocery shopping list for the week. (Tack that menu on your fridge for easy daily reference.) When I am not pregnant or in another sort of season of stress/exhaustion, I try to cook one new recipe per week. As I discover new recipes that are a hit with the family, I add them to my quick reference list on my fridge.

For more great WFMW ideas on all sorts of things, visit rocks in my dryer. And for a cute little essay I wrote on the subject, click here.