Life Beside the Creek

Moment to Remember

2011-05-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

A conversation I had with Davis this week warmed my heart to overflowing. I know I will forget it if I don't write it somewhere. So, Blog, here you go!

I was relaxing on the couch in our quiet (what!? does that really happen?!) living room with just Davis (ah-ha! NOW I know how it could be that the living room was quiet...!). Davis saw my empty lap and said, "Oh! I think I need some cuddle time." Not a common request by him, I was glad to oblige. Up he climbed, rounded himself into a nine-and-a-half-year-old ball in my lap and just sighed a big contented sigh. I sighed happily with him and said, "Davis, you are turning out to be a really wonderful young man. You know that?"
"Well, YOU raised me, Mom."
"Aw," (big smile) "I had something great to work with, though."
Then he smiled just as big, hugged me tighter and said, "I love you, Mom. I really love you."

"Four" won't last forever

2011-04-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

No, this is not a reference to the number of children we are having.

(Yes. I had to go back to
Christmas to get a photo of my kids.)

I need to log something in my brain and in my blog. I need to see it in writing. When I am about to lose my mind with the whining and tears that a four-year-old produces, and when I dream of perhaps putting said four-year-old in some sort of magical all-day preschool next year, I need to remember that Five-Year-Old-Glover-Boys are a HUGE reward. (Most five-year-olds are, by the way.)

They are sweet. They are helpful. They are capable.

You are going to make it, Mom. You are seven months away from the blissful Year of Five. I know it is tempting, but don't start collecting preschool applications. You have one more year with your lion before the days of him being home full time are *poofed* away. Make that final year count and enjoy the blessing!

(And if you are wondering, I have nothing against preschool. It works for lots of families. Maybe even mine someday.)

Marriage Savers, installment 3

2011-03-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

Here are a few things that Ryan and I together found to be valuable to our marriage.

3. Play together! Invest in activities that you both enjoy; be willing to give activities he enjoys a fair shake (like golfing!). My man really values ACTIVITIES. I really value QUALITY TIME. So we put the two love languages together and focus on having fun!

4. When he does something that appears insensitive, assume the best about him. A couple of months ago we had this come up, where I was desperate for help inside the house and he knew it but he still did not come in and help. I was so angry and so hurt! I usually try to avoid assuming that "he is just being selfish!" but this time, well, it was the only thought in my mind. I was mad, Mad, MAD! And I let him know. It ended up exploding into a pretty heated argument (something we don't have too may of). The real shame is that it was yet another example when I should have assumed the best about him. My emotions got the better of me (shocker!). When I understood why he did what he did I felt foolish having made such a big deal about it. I was again reminded that Ryan deserves the benefit of the doubt. He does not purposefully leave me to flap helplessly in the wind. He has so many more pressures on him than I am aware of - extending him grace in these moments is the least I can do.

5. Keep up with him s*xually. Don't just agree to it, match his enthusiasm. Be willing to try new things. Buy a cute something-something. Initiate. Talk about it. Buy a book to help you talk about it. Be the woman of his dreams! If this is a source of tension in your marriage, ask the Lord to change your heart toward your husband. I prayed that prayer and the Lord answered by not giving me rest on nights I denied Ryan. Like literally I toss and turn all night long. Can you believe the Lord would do that!?! Finally, let me say that this tip came from me, not from Ryan. And this tip was actually the first one on my list. It is THAT important!

6. Smile when he gets home. Don't unload all the day's junk on him when he walks through the door. Just greet him with a huge dose of dignity and respect.

7. Surround yourself with people who support marriage in general, and who support your marriage in particular.

Penny for Your thoughts? (P90X part 2)

2011-01-21T13:36:00.000-08:00

Installment two in this series on making a stronger marriage...

Ask your husband how he would like the kids to be raised.

What values does he want his kids to have deep inside them? Where does he want the family's top 2 or 3 "Big Rocks" to be? (being smart? working hard? faith in God? Grace of God? Good stewardship of time and money? Getting along with others? Sibling harmony? Missions awareness? Athleticism? Being beautiful on the inside? the list goes on and on...)

When I asked Ryan this, I really did not expect him to have an answer immediately. I figured he would need some time to think about it but as it turns out, he HAD already thought about it - I had just never asked. He was glad to be able to share his thoughts and honestly it was helpful to me to have a conversation about where I should (and should not) be focusing my efforts with the kids. There are so many wonderful things to focus on - and in the world of blogging and even in the church community there is a great deal of pressure to "keep up" with the star moms out there. But you are raising your kids with your husband, not with some amazing mom you look up to.

Then, when you ask him have a healthy conversation where the goal is for you to understand HIM on this. So long as his priorities do not cause you or the kids to sin, do your best to represent your husband during the day by making his priorities your priorities.

P90X for the Marriage: Fight Fair

2011-01-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

Ok, first an explanation of the title of this series. P90X is this grueling exercise program that, if you stick to it for 90+ days, promises to give you the beach body you have always wanted. Its intense. Its painful. Its hard work. And, according to its creator, TOTALLY WORTH IT. While I am not convinced I will look like the ripped people I sweat with on that DVD series, can't help but believe I will notice some marked difference when I am through.

Working out consistently is not really all that much fun for most people. If you are a smidgen like me, you avoid the hard work of exercising and reach instead for a frosting-covered brownie when given the chance. It is hard to exercise our feeble arms and weak knees. It is even harder to do it over a long haul but that is the only way you will see results, right? (Yes ma'am.) You can't and don't expect to see tight abs after a week of an Ab Ripper DVD. You would never dare to run a half-marathon without spending some serious time on the pavement starting weeks beforehand.

You see by now the parallel I am drawing, right? The morsels I am recording here won't solve a broken or hurting marriage in a week, month, or even a year. But I am convinced that over a long haul the new "muscles" you have worked will start showing in the form of a strengthened marriage. Ryan and I will have been married for fourteen years this September. Some of the things I will bring up are new to me just in the past 18 months; others have been things I have focused on for five years; still others for a decade. So flex those muscles over the long haul - and get those expectations set appropriately!

Even the wisest, coolest sounding tips for marriage are empty caverns without the sustaining help of the Lord. If I were reading these tips and did not know the Lord or did not regularly depend on Him as my Provider and Savior I am convinced that I would fall on my face too many times to bother getting up again. (As it is I fall on my face plenty anyway!) If you look to strengthen your marriage do it in the power of the Holy Spirit first and foremost. HE will give you what you need in the moment much more than any silly tip I offer here on this blog.

Without further ado, tip #1: Learn how to have a successful argument

If you have been married for more than 10 minutes you know that arguments come with the package. You can't put two humans in a house together and not get under each other's skin! One of the best things that Ryan and I have done for each other is give each other PLENTY of opportunity to practice resolving conflict. (Too bad that has to involve angry voices, adrenaline and boiling blood.)

Anyway you, as one of two grown-ups in the fight, should act like one. Don't make excuses in your head for everything you say in an argument. ("Well he's out of control - I will be too!" "He hit below the belt, now it's my turn!" "He brought this up, so I will bring that up!") Remember the reason you began arguing in the first place: it probably started out in some attempt to solve a problem. Do what you can to NOT escalate the original problem. Don't say things to your husband that you would scold your children for saying to each other.

Instead, begin to give your husband what you really want in an argument: You want to be heard, so make sure you get across to him that you "get" what he is trying to say (even if you don't agree, give him the chance to explain and communicate to him what you think you heard). Show compassion for his side of things.

When you know you messed up in some way, you want to be able to walk away from the argument with dignity (nothing worse than being shamed or made to feel worse than you already do), so give him dignity by not pushing-pushing-pushing until he "finally admits all" that he screwed up.

Any married person knows how to push their spouse's buttons and get them riled up; study up on the other side of that: what buttons can you push that will diffuse his anger and help him calm down? Wouldn't that be helpful to you? Do that for him.

There are lots of good books out there about conflict resolution and listening skills and such. If this is a real problem in your marriage for either of you, check out a book from the library on the subject. Add another tool to your toolbelt!

New series!

2011-01-05T20:46:00.000-08:00

I am excited to write a new series in 2011. Last series was on parenting; this one will be all about marriage. I compiled a list of six "marriage strengtheners" last month. Today I shared them with Ryan and he added another six. It was fun to come up with this list together and now I am looking forward to getting it written as I have the opportunity.

I hope you enjoy it too!

The Five O'Clock Hour

2010-11-26T20:52:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is about Thanksgiving weekend for me but for the past number of years it has become my prompt to begin preparing for the resolutions I might make in the coming year. While others are anxiously awaiting the arrival of their Christmas tree, I am swarming with thoughts of the New Year. I relish the thought of the fresh start that January 1 represents.

Last year on Thanksgiving weekend I was contemplating reading the Bible throughout the year (OT once through, NT twice). I am thrilled that I am on track to reach my goal (I half thought I would not follow through).
It was a relatively small committment but it was important to me to make and stick to. It has been good for me to discipline myself in a small way, especially in a year that was so full of hard and good things.

This year my goal is a bit more ambitious. It involves seeing a five as the first number on my alarm clock, and NOT seeing a ten the night before. Here I add my caveate: "when it is reasonable." Because it is not reasonable to arise at 5-something when the night was full of sleeplessness. If I do go through with this, pray for Ryan. I have a terrible Snooze Button Addiction. He would frown on two hours of 104.1FM every 7 minutes. (I, on the other hand, find that rather dreamy...)

Why, oh WHY would I consider torturing myself in such a way? Bible Study. Regular, consistent studying of the Bible. I have racked my brain trying to come up with even 20 quiet, uninterrupted minutes in my day to make this happen. Honestly, it does not exist. Oh, it happens now and then - but regularly? 'fraid not. Since I don't want to spend those 20 minutes being grumpy at the kids for their interruption and distraction ("Leave Mommy alone! Can't you see I'M STUDYING MY BIBLE!?!!?" Nice witness, Mommy), I need to invent a new hour of the day. It is called "pre-dawn." I have heard of it, but rarely seen it on purpose.

And if I can squeeze in some exercise before the kids notice I am up, all the better.

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Let Dad be Dad

2010-11-22T21:09:00.000-08:00

Tip#15 Nurture a deep respect for your husband specifically as it relates to his role as father.

I will just be honest and say that I have been guilty all too often of thinking I know far more than my husband when it comes to parenting. The evidence I would point to? (And I point these things out with all sincerity and with as much respect as I can claim when formulating a somewhat disrespectful list of I'm-Better-Than-You-Are's.) For every 1 of his hours of parenting, I have 4; for every 1 parenting book that he has read I have read 8; for every 1 conversation he has had with another dad about discipline, I have had - well, I can't even count that one.

He would whole-heartedly agree that I am the PRDD (Parenting Research and Development Division) in this household. He actually prefers to default to what I know and have experienced when it comes to lots of parenting issues. The problem with me spending time down I Know All - You Are Clueless Avenue is that it goes no where good. My heart fills with prideful hautiness and disrespect toward by husband. Blech. So regardless of the fact that I have more information, experience and support, I must foster a deep and true respect for my husband who loves our kids as much as me.

Making this happen:

Pray for your husband, his fatherhood, his realtionship with the kids, and his relationship with the Lord.

When parenthood is new and fresh and frightening, allow him to learn how to be a dad at a slower pace than you are learning. You think about this child every.waking.moment. He works all day. And does not let milk down every 3.67 hours. And is not tending to every detail of every nap. And did not sprout "mommy ears" the morning of your child's birth. So be patient, kind, respectful and considerate, remembering that you and he will NOT, rather, CANNOT, learn parenthood at the same pace.

Let him have the type of relationship he desires to have with the kids. This might vary greatly from your idea of a perfect relationship between father and child. If you wonder what kind of relationship he wants, ask him. Let him talk and don't criticize. Encourage him, and don't sabotage!

Communicate a deep respect for this thoughts about all things, particularly when he comments on anything kid-related. You might initially think he is wrong on a point (and perhaps he is) but a respectful response does not include a quick "no" or dismissal. Respectful says, "I have never thought about it in that way." I have much work to do in this area. I am known for my quick "No."

Ask him what he would like to see you focus on and make sure your priorities reflect his. I spend an enormous amount of time talking with other mothers, reading blogs and ruminating on how I will raise our boys - everything from how to get them to do their chores every day to how I will prepare them for college and the real world of pursuing the Lord. My tendancy is to come up with a wonderful idea, think of the 10 ways to accomplish that idea, decide on the best way, move forward with the brilliance I came up with and then - maybe - mention it to Ryan. Or maybe not. Like I said earlier, he prefers to defer to me with most parenting things anyway, so I can get away with this. But BOY does it get me into trouble in the end. Before I invest a mound of energy into my ideas, I have learned that I really need to get a clue as to what RYAN'S priorities are for the boys. I need to take the time to investigate what HE wants me to focus on and pursue those priorities first and foremost. EVEN IF IT MEANS DYING TO MY OWN PRIORITIES. The Lord honors a wife who respects her husband in word and deed. This has been the single most significant way I have gained great respect for Ryan as a father.

Oh, one more thing. Realize that progress in this area (especially if it has been an area of concern) is a long process. Don't strongarm your husband tonight trying to get him to tell you every parenting thought he has ever had. I can't imagine that conversation going anywhere productive in my home. Would it be different in yours? So do yourself a favor tonight and, instead, slip into something nice and light a candle in the bedroom. Atta' girl.

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Study, Study

2010-11-20T19:52:00.000-08:00

This is part 2 of tip #14, as I neglected to say the most important part.

After much studying of children...

It is not enough to merely know about my children. I must attempt to understand their needs and ACT. By way of example, here are my study notes, followed by how I hope to respond to what I have learned. In the past I have referred to this as a "Hope Check." Maybe my notes will be better inspiration and stir ideas in your head.
Davis: Perfectionist. Thrives on words of Affirmation. Feels the pressure of being the one with significant homework, realizing that he must do it while everyone else plays. Easily overwhelmed by homework load (perfectionism). Has a lot to say. Motivated by money and TV. Booksmart. Functions only in a black and white, right and wrong, true (not make-believe) world.

Jackson: Loves fun. Easily distracted. Loves to please me. Competitive. Playful. Loves his brothers. Loves to play with friends. Motivated by money. Enjoys same things his dad enjoys. Intuitively smart. Lives a bit in a make-believe I-wish-it-were-this-way world.

Weston: Comical. tenderhearted. needs a great deal of control over his environment. Wants to be in charge (regularly tries to put Mom out of a job). Feel "beat up" by little brother quite often. Sees little brother's ability to share and/or not wreck his trains and car set up as hopeless. Increasingly wants to be considered one of the big boys. Doesn't get enough sleep. Doesn't have toys of his own, or toys he has claimed as favorite. Is rejuvinated by alone time.

Drake: Delights greatly when he knows you understand what he said or wants. Playful. Loves to see others laugh. Physical interaction (read: rough-housing) is favored activity above all. Recently landed in the world of "being two" and all the typical baggage that comes with that. Understands who is in charge and what submitting his will entails. Increasingly wants to do things for himself. Gathers toys to the point of his own frustration (try crawling up or down stairs with seven matchbox cars and two train engines - see what I mean?). Willing to risk a spank/crib time if it means getting a rise out of Weston.

After thinking carefully about what I am currently learning about each child, I pick one or two areas that I can concentrate on that will make a significant difference to that child so that they feel well loved, and hopeful about an area of weakness or frustration. This does not include enabling weaknesses or frustration, but rather is an opportunity for me to offer with great intentionality the grace, tenderness, understanding, and patience they need in that area. Sometimes my only goal is to avoid exaperating my kids: Fathers do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the teaching and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) I am pretty sure mothers are just as capable of exasperating...

Here are a couple of examples of my thoughts:

Weston: protect that relationship between him and Drake. Don't let them play together without supervision (the two goose eggs on Weston's forehead are evidence that Drake cannot be trusted!). Protect Weston and provide him plenty of opportunities to play without Destruct-o boy.

Drake: Be careful to distinguish playfulness and defiance. Only discipline defiance. PLAY with his PLAYFULNESS! Find him a little sack or box or something to carry his load in - will that delight him or further frustrate? Laugh with him. Be quick to discipline misbehavior toward Weston - keep a close eye!

The point is to find the needs (by studying!), think through how they might be met, and then give it a try!

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Be a Student

2010-11-16T21:10:00.000-08:00

Tip #14 Study Your Children

It is astounding to me how often I am just plain wrong. I think I know what I am doing, or how to do something only to discover that I am a fool. This was especially true when I had only one child. He was a pretty easy little guy and I had him trained to obey well by the time we celebrated his second birthday. I knew I had a good kid, but I also had to give myself SOME credit for being consistent. So you can imagine how I felt when the same training tactics FLOPPED with child number two. Not only did they flop, they backfired. That second child of mine bucked every system I had. He was not about to cater to my desires to have TWO well-behaving children. No-sir-ee. I had to eat a lot of crow with that kid. Sorry if you are one of the people I gave parenting advice to prior to February 25, 2004. I was clueless, discompassionate and not helpful. But I sure was confident!

I say all this to make the point that just because you have one child figured out, don't assume you have parenting figured out. Also, don't assume that just because all your children share the same DNA that they are to be parented the same.

What's that? You already knew that?

Anyway, because each child is so different, we should be studying them. Learn what makes them tick, what their needs are, what their love language is, how their little brains work, what their propensities are. Some answers will stay the same over the years, while others will change depending on age and stage. So the studies never end for a mom! Learn learn learn!

Study materials:
1. Your child at play. What kinds of play does he enjoy? Does he use his imagination? What real-life experiences does he act out? Does he want to play next to someone, or with someone? Is the fun in putting a puzzle together or taking it apart? Does he focus on gross motor or fine motor right now? etc, etc.
2. Your child in frustrating moments. What kinds of situations does he find himself in that frustrate her? Is there a situation that comes up time and time again that gets the better of her? Does she like help? Does she hate help? Does she need to cry? Does she respond with anger?
3. Your child and how they relate to their siblings. Is he always following the lead of an older sibling? Is he leading the play? Is he hopelessly in love with the sibling? Does he aim to please? Is he excluded? Does he seem to gravitate to the older siblings and their play? How do the older siblings respond to his desires?
4. Your library: When I want to just understand what's going on inside the mind of a typical child at a certain age I go to the series by Louise Bates Ames. There is a title for every age: "Your One Year Old," "Your Two Year Old," etc. NOTE: I do not recommend her parenting advice, per se, but rather the scientific observations she makes (usually at the beginning of a section). It is so useful to get inside the brain and understand what is physiologically going on in a child's body.
5. Your bookshelf: Start bulking it up when you can with great references like The Five Languages of Children, Don't Make Me Count to Three, Grace-Based Parenting, Parenting with Love and Logic.
6. Your mother-in-law. If a child is not like you, he might be like your husband, so ask what he was like as a kid and how they dealt with it. Even if it seems like terrible advice, it is still valuable because it will give you a window of understanding into that child you otherwise don't get.
7. Your Loving Father in Heaven.This should have been much higher on this list, obviously. It never ceases to amaze me how much wisdom the Lord gives when I ask it. So, ASK!

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Parent in Your Weakness

2010-11-10T20:57:00.000-08:00

Tip #13

When Times Get Rough, Give Up Your Strong Suit

We start our parenthood journey fairly polarized, I think. God seems to build into each of us a propensity toward either grace or truth - that is, we are either compassionate or a careful observer of rules and laws. I am strong in the latter. It is where I get the phrase "Obey Mommy the First Time" (swat, swat). This strength of mine gives me a pair of glasses that first and formost sees behavior as either obedient or disobedient, nipping bad behavior in the bud before it becomes an issue. On the other side, my sister is naturally compassionate. She ponders and considers the heart motivation behind her children's behavior before deciding how to handle her girls. (What is your propensity?)

In my life it has been my inexperience and insecurity that has driven me to spend most of my parenting moments perfecting my strengths. There comes a point when I needed to consider living moments outside the comfortable zone of strength and instead treading the dangerous waters of my personal weaknesses. I remember the moment I realized that it was time to put my toe in these treacherous waters: Davis, my oldest and only child, was pushing the line of disobedience in new and improved ways. His usually sweet disposition had disappeared and the child I was now parenting was whiney, disobedient, and an all around pill. Where did my Davis go?!

I don't remember if I had received wisdom from a fellow mom, my own mom, or if it was the whisper of the Holy Spirit but I remember standing in my kitchen, seeing Davis pull some of his "new normal" antics on me. it was everything I could do to not discipline him for his disobedience. But instead of staying in my comfort zone, I parented (as it turns out) like my sister. It was less than a day and I was already seeing the old Davis again. I quicly concluded that I had perfected my strength to the point of turning it into a weakness!

It is a strange way to think about it, but when you are out of ideas with that one kid that is driving you to drink, do the exact opposite of what your gut tells you, and just see what happens. Who knows - it just might work!

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Privileges and Responsibilities

2010-10-31T19:59:00.000-07:00

Tip #12

Teach your kids the principle of responsibilities before privileges

We do our homework before we watch TV. We get our chores done before we play. We take care of (AKA "play with") a younger sibling before we do our own thing. Teaching this principle comes pretty intuitively, but on the other hand it is not always articulated into a child's ears. It can easily sound like Mom is just being a big wet blanket on a kid's fun so take the time to talk about it:

"I want to be sure you and we get to play a game of Uno later today like you wanted. Let's go look at the chore chart to see what our responsibilities are so that later we can have our privileges."
"Mom, can I watch a TV show?" "You can have that privilege when your responsibilities are taken care of. Is your room clean like I asked?"

This principle can be modeled by mom beautifully, too. As moms, we have a mountain of tasks to accomplish in a day. We can help our kids understand that we can't always drop what we are doing and play dollies because WE have responsibilities, too. Using that same language to describe "the life of a mom" will help them catch the idea all the more. "Let me finish my dinner prep responsibilities and then I can enjoy the privilege of playing, ok?" I have to stop a moment for my own benefit (since these are tips I give myself) and say watch out that YOU DO STOP and actually play that Uno game. You know all too well that a mother's work is never done so don't go using a neglected floor as an excuse to neglect the bigger responsibility of nurturing your children.

When the older kids were younger (like ages 2 and 5) was when I first heard about instilling this principle. It was quite easy for me to come up with a healthy list of responsibilities for the older child but the list of privileges for him was terribly short. It was a good exercise to go through. I had to ask myself if I was being reasonable and balanced. You don't need a one-to-one ratio, but when the only privilege in a day is one 30 minute show but the list of responsibilities is looking more like a wedding registry at Bed Bath and Beyond, it begs the question: could I stand to lighten up a bit on one side or another? What is more, I had to ask myself if I should be looking to increase that 5-year-old's list of privileges to be broader than the 2-year-old's since I asked next to nothing of the younger one but they BOTH got the same reward for their hard work.

Rights verses privileges: Is it a right or a privilege to play alone (for a season, my oldest craved time away from his younger brother)? Is it a right or a privilege to have a room full of toys? Is it a right or a privilege to have mom read to me at night? Is it a right or privilege to join the family for a night out? is it a right or a privilege to have a morning snack? Is playing without adult supervision a right or a privilege? I won't answer the questions because in some homes I think the answers will vary. My point is that it is something to think through.

Teach kids that we work before we play and they will learn a work ethic that will truly be useful all the days of their life.

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Food Issues

2010-10-28T23:30:00.000-07:00

Tip # 11

Do What You Can to Quell a Picky Appetite

I think everybody ends up with a set of foods that totally grosses them out. For me as a child it was peanut butter (so sorry about that one, Mom!), tomatoes, mushrooms and chili. I think that a short list of refusal foods is reasonable. Don't you? This post could hit some hot buttons so let me say right out of the shoot that we all go through seasons in life where we have to select our battles carefully. When you have multiple preschool children and it is all you can do to make it through the day, this might not be the battle you pick right.this.very.moment.

In our house I have a rather complicated set of parameters that I have to cook around - these parameters involve health concerns for a husband with Crohns and allergy concerns for the baby. You can perhaps appreciate the fact that I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR PICKY EATERS when it comes to the people I regularly cook for. I will gladly short-order cook for any child that visits my house but as for my own kids, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."

Each of my kids have gone through picky stages - some more resolutely than others. Here are some of the techniques I have used to quell pickiness in the earlier years:

1. Introduce new foods over and over and over again. I introduced my babies probably 20-30 times to the same food (at 20-30 different meals) when there was one they refused. I did not push, but I did not let early refusal mean much.

2. Put only 3 bits of the undesired food on a plate, and then ask them to eat "just two."
3. Take it slow! Place that tiny piece of lettuce on the plate every day at first. Don't require them to eat it, but let them become accustomed to it being there. After a while ask that they just touch it to their tongue (make it a game you play too, even!). After several days of that, ask them to chew up one bite. Nice and slow progression. I use this with veggies, because I see a healthy appetite for veggies as a life-long grow-into-it thing. I want them to actually develop a taste for them, not just "eat them cuz they have to" habit.
4. Offer only healthy options for all meals and snacks so that no matter what they fill up on, you are pleased with it (they did not leave the table with a tummy full of buttered bread).
5. Put only one to two pieces of the food you know they enjoy, plus one or two pieces of the less desired food on their plate. If they ask for seconds of their desired food you can say, "sure, after you eat your chicken you can have another strawberry!"
6. Remember preschooler's tummies fill fast so keep portions really small. If given a plate of food that looks like a ton to them, they will feel quickly overwhelmed. Hopelessness will set in ("I will NEVER be able to eat all this") and they will have a tendency to not even try.
7. Rather than forcing a child to eat something they don't want to eat, give the control over to them saying something like, "No sweetie, you don't have to eat your chicken, but everyone who DOES eat their chicken get to enjoy ice cream for dessert," or "If you want another handful of grapes you can have that, but you need to eat another handful of chicken first. Let me know what you decide."
8. Remember that resolving picky appetites is more like running a marathon. Don't think it will resolve itself in a month. Several months of introduction and reintroduction. Lots and lots of food and phrase repetition.
9. I have chosen to not offer milk at meals. If you do, limit milk to 1-2 Tbsp. After that, its water, baby! (We live in a culture that is habitually dehydrated anyway, so you could look at giving them a thirst for water as a gift not a punishment). The goal with limiting milk intake: nutrition comes from food not drink.
10. Keep snacks between meals healthy and small: 3 carrot sticks or apple slices with water or two crackers.
11. Cut a plate of veggies up before preparing dinner so that when your little ones come nosing around the kitchen looking for something to eat, you have something good to offer them (you would be amazed at what a hungry child is willing to eat when he is truly hungry!). I know one mom who has a veggie-loving, meat-detesting child so maybe a better option for her would be to always have come slices of cold well-seasoned strips of chicken out for this purpose instead.
12. Toddlers are by nature snackers so often times there are no big meals. When they eat like birds, remember its quality not quantity. If all they are going to eat is a few bites here and there, don't offer fishy crackers, you know!?
13. Suppress the temptation to feed convenience foods. You are developing their palate - develop it to prefer healthy, non-processed foods. (Think chicken breasts cut into strips and broiled, rather than breaded chicken nuggets.)

The one pervading thought I have had in my head is this: I did not run into many picky eaters when I visited a Mexican orphanage. It is a lavish thing to be picky, you know? We don't need to be frustrated at our children for becoming picky, but we do them a tremendous service when we subdue it where we can.

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Nurture Independence

2010-10-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

Tip #10
Nurture independence as much as possible.

As much as I can't wait for my kids to relying upon me less, I catch myself all-too-often shooting myself in the foot, not allowing them to make steps in that direction. They want to try to buckle themselves in their booster but I am in too much of a hurry and do it for them. They want to get themselves a drink of water but I don't want to clean up a water spill so I get it for them. They want to use the apple slicer to cut their own apple but I already know they cannot possibly succeed so I find myself struggling to let them just try before I insist we do it together.

Obviously, taking the time to allow the kids to try things is well worth the time. It would be ridiculous to say otherwise but if that is the case, why do I find I must convince myself of this over and over again? It requires me to slow down, be patient, and watch them struggle even to the point of frustration. That is no small task!

My husband challenged me on this topic earlier this year. He did not appreciate how much the kids expected of me and did not like the way they were treating me (I had not noticed... too busy pouring water and slicing apples, I guess). He made the point that we are raising men and that men need to be given the chance to figure things out, to struggle some, and to ultimately become independent of me. So I took his advice to heart and have been focusing on NOT DOING THINGS FOR MY KIDS THAT THEY THEMSELVES CAN DO. In addition, when I hear them subtly asking for my help without actually asking - like for instance complaining that "I'm thirsty!" rather than asking politely for a drink of water - I use that as another opportunity to nurture independence by asking "How are you going to solve this problem?"

I love putting the thinking back on them. And I love that they are catching on that they are good problem solvers and that there are lots of things they don't actually need me for!

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Let NO mean NO

2010-10-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

Tip #9: Let your NO mean NO

Piggy-backing on Tip #8, where I encouraged you to use the word no sparingly, I want to be sure to address the other side of the coin: don't say No unless you mean it but when you mean it, be sure to stick to your guns. (Bonus feature: when you have it in mind to make sure you follow through with your No you might find it easier to say Yes more often. Because it can be difficult to enforce a No and even more exhausting to enforce a No you did not have a good reason to give.)

Again, let your No mean no. Don't let begging, pleading or fit throwing cause you to cave in. I have been addressing this issue in my own family quite often. Little Weston has turned begging into an artform. He does not take no for an answer. He asks again and again. He gets cute. He gets ugly. He flops into a heap a screaming tears. He gives up and then 15 minutes later starts it all over again. I think all my kids did something like this at about Weston's age (nearly 4). It drains the life out of me and sometimes I want to give in just to get him to stop.

Of course I can't do that, now can I?

I am using this "opportunity" to teach him that Mommy's No is what it is: silly to argue with. I whip out this handy phrase (with a smile and sweetness): "Oh, remember? I already answered that question." If that phrase sounds familiar it is because I mentioned it in Tip #4 as well. It's a handy phrase.

But on to my next challenge: the almost 2 year old. Drake has some pretty atrocious eating behaviors right now. I will shamefully admit to two of them because if you have ever eaten a meal with us, you already know about them. No sense hiding them: He stands up in his high chair (just to get a rise out of us) and mommy and daddy in the eye with a sly grin. He also enjoys a food-throwing routine when he does not want it. (And 95% of the time the food makes to to the sink, which has been convenient enough for me so as to mostly ignore the food-throwing behavior...I was going to but it in there anyway, right? (A weak "Drake, don't do THAT," an eye roll and then on to the next thing.) I have been remiss at teaching him all about how No means No (obviously!) when it comes to these two behaviors. (Remember how I said I did not know what I was doing on this parenting journey? Well, proof text right here!)

A Love and Logic podcast I was listening to yesterday taught me about the "Uh-Oh song." I will thy this when we have dining issues, I think.

From a Love and Logic blog, cleverly named Love and Blogic:
. Always adding to my parenting toolbox...because you KNOW I need it!

For Parents of young children: Try the steps of the "Uh Oh Song" for at least TWO WEEKS following these steps exactly. (Before you try this technique the first time wait until a day when you are well rested and have practiced it well in your head)

1. Instead of making threats or giving warnings say, "Uh Oh, Looks like a little bedroom time!"
2. Gently carry, lead or guide the child to their bedroom. (Make the room safe ahead of time - remove anything you don't want broken)
3. Give your child a choice about the door - "Do you want the door shut or open?" If they come out before you say so, make sure the door is shut and stays shut. You may have to wedge it shut or lock it on the outside if you don't want to stand their and hold it shut. (Of course, stay nearby and don't leave the house for safety sake.)
4. Say, "Feel free to come out when you're acting sweet."

What if they throw a major fit? This may be harder on you then it is on them but keep reminding yourself that in the long term this will give you a happier and more well behaved child. Be careful that you are not angry and that you don't use too many words. Let the consequence do the teaching.

For more great parenting help check out Love and Logic's resources for preschoolers and elementary kids

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Don't Say No

2010-10-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

Tip #8 Use the word "no" sparingly

I fall into the trap of using the word "no" too often. Am I the only one?

Can I have a piece of gum? No. Can I have a snack? No. Can I do play dough? No. Will you play a game with me? Not now. Can I keep my light on and read for 5 extra minutes before I go to sleep? No. Can we have grilled cheese for lunch? No. Can I build a fort? No.

There are legitimate reasons for saying no to all of these questions. Absolutely there are. And when the legitimate reason exists, by all means ban, freeze and preclude it. But there exists a list of lousy reasons to say no as well. I pull the "no" card sometimes because I am being lazy or feeling cranky or stressed or because I don't want the inconvenience. Sometimes I say no for absolutely no reason at all, just because I can.

But really, why say no when you could delight your child with a yes? There are so many times during the day when you really do need to say no. So save it for those times, when you have a good reason.

Although it will be an eyesore for a few hours and the blankets will not be folded back to perfection, for heaven's sake, Jenne, LET THEM BUILD ANOTHER FORT!

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Supervise them

2010-10-15T16:28:00.000-07:00

Tip #7 Playing unsupervised is a privilege to be earned

Don't leave siblings together without your supervision until you can trust that they will treat each other well. Think of all the head bashing and biting that can be averted. Think of the opportunities to teach and train them how to love their brother. Think of the long-term impact on their relationship!

I wrote about this some time ago, here.

Parenting Tips Interrupted

2010-10-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

It strikes me as ironic that of the 15 parenting tips I have penciled out to add to this blog, none of them is particularly helpful to the parenting situation I find myself in right now. One of my children who honestly has not caused me much grief throughout his life is, well, causing me grief.

I better come clean: I am causing him an equal amount of grief, I think. Okay, more grief.

His sudden scatter-brained mind has turned my responsible child into Mr. Unreliable. This ordinarily obedient one is pushing limits - not direct defiance, just delaying or being silly a moment too long or not attending to my voice. The one child that I count on to NOT need much discipline now needs guidance of some sort or another. Further complicating matters are the struggles he is having with homework. He toils over that dumb weekly packet! His attempts at perfectionism drag homework out sooooo long. He has come to that place in his education where he has concluded that school is not actually fun but rather is just a bunch of hard work. And all I can think to do is raise my voice or tell him to hurry or lecture, lecture, lecture!

All that to say, I am clueless. Clueless and frustrated. And at the end of the day, I know two things: first, I know that if I continue in the way I am behaving toward him it will be certain disaster for his heart and our relationship. The second thing I know is that I don't know what to do instead.

And so this interruption in Parenting Tips is an admission. I don't know what I am doing any more than anyone else does. I have learned a boat load about parenting all along this journey but its the tip of an iceberg, a drop in the bucket. When it comes to days like today (and yesterday, and the day before), I end the day with a pit in my stomach knowing that I messed up again. Even worse, I knew better and lost my self-control anyway. I do what I do not want to do and don't do what I ought. At the end of the day I want to wake my sunny little boy up and ask for forgiveness just one more time. At the end of the day I am begging my Savior for forgiveness and wisdom and strength.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1John 1:9)

Purify me from this unrighteousness! Please, Lord. Please. Give me a heart like Yours. Give me a gracious spirit. Fill my mind with Your creativity as I encounter these situations over and over again. Be merciful to our family in this season.

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Let them wiggle!

2010-10-10T21:17:00.000-07:00

Tip #6 Let Wiggly kids WIGGLE!

Of those four wonderful boys of yours, Jenne, you have two major wigglers! Don't be fooled into thinking that wiggling necessarily means his ears are turned off. You know better - sometimes when you demand stillness, THAT IS WHEN THE EARS ARE THE MOST CLOSED!

So I say, let the wiggly kid wiggle. He can learn to be polite and look in the eyes of a grown up who has spoken a word to him, but when it comes to about 85% of communication, a wiggly bottom is just fine.

I laugh at myself sometimes when I need my 6-year-old wigglebottom to listen and I insist he hold still and LOOK IN MY EYES. I see what immediately happens: his big browns get bigger and browner and he is focused - FOCUSED - on looking.in.my.eyes. I can almost hear his internal dialogue: look in her eyes look.in.her.eyes lookinhereyes lookinhereyes lookinhereyes lookinhereyes lookinhereye slookinhereyes lookinhereyes. Yeah. He's not listening. He is too busy trying his best to attend to the demand. I have shot myself in the foot.

No wiggle, low brain function so it seems.

And at church, when wigglebottom appears, don't get all caught up in stillness. I mean, don't go crazy or anything, but remember he hears better when he can swing his legs.

I have a friend, a homeschooling mom, and she has her wigglebottom practice math facts while on a trampoline. Brilliant, I tell you!

And lastly, wiggle with him. Its good exercise.

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Bedtime expectations

2010-10-09T21:30:00.000-07:00

Tip#5 Set and stick to bedtime routines and expectations

Bedtime is a blessing and a curse sometimes. So, Jenne, remember to establish bedtime routines and stick to them as best you can. Oh, but more important: explain the expectations to your sweet soon-to-be-snoring child. This is especially important with the three and four year olds who are no longer in cribs and have a long list of reasons to make their bedtime extend dangerously close to Mommy's bedtime.

With that wonderful almost-three-year-old, I do the typical: Jammies on, go potty, brush teeth, read books in bed...oh and then one last sip of water, and a kiss and mommy whispers this week's memory verse in his ear. We smile. I do a "nosy-nosy," he kisses both my cheeks. I kiss both his cheeks. I take time to enjoy him and let him know he is precious to me.

Then before the light goes out, the expectations are set: "When I turn this light out it will be the last time I hear your voice, right? What does bedtime look like? Your head is on your pillow, right? And your mouth is quiet, right? And your body is still, right? Right! And what happens if I need to come in after this? Yup. Mommy has to spank you. That will be sad, huh. Sure hope we don't need to do that. But don't worry, I will if I need to. Love you and goodnight, sweetie!"

And then I follow through, just like I said I would. Because being a mom means doing just that!

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Don't Argue

2010-10-08T21:11:00.000-07:00

Tip #4 ...

Don't give in to the temptation to argue or have the last word with your child.

Kids invite us to argue with them all day long. The type of argument I find myself in most often comes when a child asks over and over again to have or do something. I have already given them the answer: "No, you can't have a cookie right now" or "We are not going to the Library today." Yet they do not take no for an answer and ask again and again and again.

So I have begun training my 3 year old that I answer questions once (grace is gladly given if you simply have a bad memory!). I use a sweet voice when I am training, trying hard to not be sarcastic or show frustration/impatience and I say, "Oh, I already answered that question, huh?" and they ask again and I say, "Mommy gave you the answer to that question already. Do you remember what mommy said?... that's right! Good memory!" and they ask again and I might say, "I have heard that question already. Do you have any OTHER questions for me?" I try to rephrase the same basic point again and again, CAREFUL to not accept the invitation to answer the question again. To accept this invitation is to enter into an argument!

Kids invite us into arguments all the time but we might not realize that we mothers send out invitations, too. One way we invite arguments with our children is that we hang around to make sure they actually do as we have asked them. As Diane Moore once said, be sure you keep yourself as far away from the lawyer's table as possible. A lawyer makes a case for his side of the story and then sits down, ready to hear the rebuttal. A judge, on the other hand, says his peace, drops the gavel and then leaves. Even if you felt like arguing the decision, you can't because he has already left the room.

So, Mom, ask your child to clean his room, "I'll see you in 20 minutes. That gives you plenty of time to get the job done right." AND THEN LEAVE. Don't stand over then waiting to see if they obey and harping on them the whole time. Just leave. And then come back ofter 20 minutes just like you promised and congratulate them on a job well done, or dole out the appropriate consequences for the disobedience.

Another reminder I give myself is to use those wonderful Love and Logic phrases when kids are really upset with us. They suggest using short simple phrases with as little energy and emotion as possible that give you something to say that will not escalate the argument. Like when a kid yells furiously at you, "But Mom!! That's not fair!" You can stay away from Lawyer-land by saying things like, "Probably so," "I don't know" and "I guess."

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Be the boss the first time

2010-10-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

Tip#3
Train your child to obey your words the first time.

Here are several posts to remind you how on earth to do this:
Teaching only obedience
Crack Down
Would you please just obey me?!
Helpful reference: Raising Godly Tomatoes. Whole book is online. Don't be totally spoon fed though: be a thinker as you read it.

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Be the boss early

2010-10-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

Tip #2
Introduce your authority over your child early.

I read somewhere that "waiting until the ripe old age of 2 or 3 is too long to wait." I have found great success in a child knowing what "no" means before they can run away from me. And before 16-18 months - before their will really kicks in - is the perfect time to train them to respond appropriately.

15 Parenting Tips I Give Myself: Be excited!

2010-10-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

Tip #1
Be excited about what excites your child.

When your child raises up his chubby little arm pointing to the light above for the ump-teenth time that day, delight with him. He is thrilled with so many things in this moment! The light is cool, but even more, HE KNOWS WHAT TO CALL IT! And he can USE THE WORD ALL BY HIMSELF! Be boisterous in your response back to him, "Yes!! LIGHT!!"

When the chatterbox in the backseat has been talking non-stop since you buckled in, let your voice communicate delight. Be thankful that he wants to share every thought WITH YOU more than anyone else. And if you must quiet him, do it with grace: "I LOVE hearing all about this, but can I stop you for a moment? It's time to order my coffee and I need a moment to think first."

When the distracted one wants to tell you something RIGHT NOW, even though you just asked him to go clean his room, pause a moment and listen and enjoy his thoughts. He knows just as well as you that this thought will be fleeting and if you make him go clean his room first and THEN tell you all about it, there is no chance he will remember what was in his head 15 minutes prior.

Matching the excitement of your kids is good, but it is also so helpful to kids to mirror other emotions as well. So when he is frustrated that he STILL can't tie his shoes and he pounds his fists on the floor, don't get mad at his anger. Instead be frustrated alongside him, "ARRG!! Tying shoes is SO HARD!" And when little brother hits bigger brother for the 100th time and he falls on the floor crying - not because he is hurt physically but because it is SO HARD TO PLAY WITH A TWO YEAR OLD - be sad with him! There is nothing more soothing than having someone to share your strong emotions with! Be that for your kids sometimes!

An Autumn Hope Check

2010-09-29T00:28:00.000-07:00

Hope is the most powerful force we can nurture in our children. It is one of the deepest needs a human has: the need for hope. Without hope comes hopelessness - a terrible state of being. What do kids hope for? Small things like "someday I might have that special toy" and medium things like "I have hope that I am smart enough to do my schoolwork" and big things like "I have hope that my parents cherish me."

Periodically I try to do a "Hope Check" for each of my kids. Am I nurturing hope in their lives? Or am I contributing to a sense of hopelessness in their soul? As a parent I am either doing one or the other. I have yet to be convinced that this is an area in which a parent can be neutral.

Without Further Adue, here is my Hope Check

Drake, 1.5 years old, tries with all his might to communicate, but it is a struggle for him to be heard and understood. I can nurture hope in Drake by taking extra time with him, saying aloud what i think he is communicating; mimicking his great enthusiasm, frustration, or other driving emotion.

Pray: that he would use his mouth to one day proclaim the gospel from the mountaintops!

Weston, 3.5 years old, often finds himself creating strife with Drake. Drake is hard to play with and has become quite good at provoking Weston. While Drake is in this phase of life, being difficult to play with, I can nurture hope in Weston by taking his side, even when he did have some blame in a sibling conflict with Drake. I can be quick to come to his rescue, and I can be careful to not leave Drake unattended with Weston. I can be quick to praise him for little strides toward kindness, generosity and maturity.
Pray: that the Lord would cause him to be a gifted peacemaker.

Jackson, 6 years old, lives in a good place right now. His love tank is full of soccer and PE. He loves school. He loves playing with each of his brothers. In this season of great hope I can nurture our relationship. I can use this quiet season to deepen our bond by being patient as he explains his world to me (I usually don't catch it on the first telling), and look him in the eyes more, and smile at him more, and kiss him more. What great hope that will bring to both of us as we see our mother-son relationship deepen!

Pray: that he would grow in his relationship with his Heavenly Parent.

Davis, age 9, has brought homework home - and tears to go along with it. His perfectionistic tendancies drag him down as he struggles to make sure every single letter in cursive is just right. He searches for perfect word after perfect word in writing a fiction story. He quickly panics when spelling lists feel too challenging. He is sad when homework assignments prevent him from joining in playtime with his brothers. I have been nurturing hope in his little heart by encouraging him to NOT write every cursive letter so carefully, and talking about how its OKAY to miss a spelling word. No one is looking for perfect... I can also breath hope into him right now by helping him to gain perspective on school life: that the work load won't always feel overwhelming.

Pray: that Davis would experience God's grace on his life at an early age.

Turning 35

2010-08-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

I have always said that I look forward to turning 40 because it feels like that is an age where people of many ages (perhaps not all!) respect your thoughts and opinions. I remember being 20 and in college, longing to be 40. OK, not LONGING but not dreading. Anticipating. Now that I am mid-way through my 30's I wonder if it will be all I have anticipated. I must be honest and say that I didn't much care for turning 35 this month. Really, though, it does not much matter if I like it or not. Thirty-five is here, and 40 is near. No amount of pondering will change that!

I listened to a John Piper sermon today that incapsulated one primary lesson I have been learning for the past decade. In speaking of Romans 12 (of course!), he made the point that what the world wants to see from Christian believers is ACTION. And MERCY is what will blow them away. Very simply, says Paul, "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

Being a wife. Mothering children. These are extremely physical occupations: Pulling my head off a pillow to take a little boy potty at midnight. Wrapping my arms around a crying boy who is too upset to verbalize anything. Kissing a boy good night. Reading aloud another chapter of a book that delights a boy's ear and imagination. Tossing a toddler in the air. Changing the diaper of a squirmer. Cooking another meal. Bagging up groceries. Sweeping crumbs. Making sack lunches at nine at night. Offering up myself to my love. Packing and unpacking countless bags. Holding my tongue when my love arrives home later than promised. Offering a smile instead of scorn.

My wilingness to do these things has become less about "doing what I ought" and increasingly about and motivated by my love for the Lord. I desire to present every part of my body as a living sacrifice.

But it is not a "poor me" sacrifice. The verse disallows that! See it there? The sacrifice must be ACCEPTABLE to God. He is not pleased with a woe-is-me attitude. So I note that the change in me over this decade has NOT be an increased willingness to put myself last. The gradual change in me has been a real desire to see each opportunity as a way to use my body for righteousness - in order to glorify the Lord.

My ego-centric self would like to see a day when what I say and do is respected by all. But what rubbish it would be to long for and strive for such a passing reward. Instead, I will look forward to 45 and 55 and 65 and 75 with eagerness and with great hope that the Lord would increase in me the Mercies of God as I worship the Lord with every part of my body.

If you are interested in Piper's sermon (it was really great!) here is the link.

The Retreat Lives On

2010-06-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

Weston somehow blew up his floaties and got them on his ankles. I cracked up when I saw him and he said, "Now I wook wike da CANDYMAN!"

Also, in true Jenne form, I took two pictures the whole weekend. Actually, that is two more than usual when we go fun places.

Can't wait for next year!

Life Lessons

2010-05-31T17:10:00.000-07:00

"Let's go show Daddy how brave you are," I say, to my crying Weston-child.
"Yeah," he says between sobs. We walk down the stairs to where Daddy is working and he shows him his finger that is now covered with a baking soda and water paste.
"What happened, Weston-day?" (That's Daddy's pet name for him.)
"I was tryin' to catch a bee that was on a flower and I caught him but then he stinged me."
"Oh buddy! that's too bad! What did you learn?"
"Well," he says, with tears still in his eyes, "I learned how to catch a bee."

And we probably shouldn't play with bees, too. Right little guy? Right? (It only took his biggest brother eight times before he decided he better be fearful of bees. Let's hope this child is a quicker study.)

WorldView 102

2010-05-22T13:16:00.000-07:00

My most favorite thing about having to take Davis downtown every week to get allergy shots (desensitizing his bee allergy) is that I have 2 solid hours of just him and me time. It will not always be just the two of us, but while it is still new and unknown I wanted to be able to focus on him. On the care ride there we asked dozens of questions about how allergies work, what desensitization is, and why it works. It was a fairly intelligent conversation. When it seemed like the questions about allergies were coming to a close I broached another intellectual topic that I have wanted to cover for some time now.

Thus far, he is completely unaware that the public school system can be hostile to the Christian worldview. I have been hesitant to bring it up with my black-and-white thinker because the truth is that there are very good teachers that I trust and am thankful for that disagree with our views. It does not seem appropriate to drive an unnecessary wedge between my child and their school. On the other hand, he made a comment the other day that startled me. He said, "Jackson, school is the safest place you can be." On the one hand I am thankful he feels so safe. He should feel safe. On the other hand, I think that it reflects a belief that what is taught in school is equivalent in authority as what we teach at home or in church.

Thus far, we have not come up against many things that directly oppose our faith. Thank goodness, since we are only in the second grade here. But I know it is coming and that it will come faster than I realize. I desire my kids to be strong, independent thinkers and so I began telling him about how he has a "detective role" to play while he is in school.

Your teacher is a believer but the people who tell her what she is supposed to teach might not be believers. Did you know that? So whenever you are in school, you should always be asking yourself, "Does this thing that I am learning right now AGREE or GO AGAINST what the Bible says?" And then, if you figure out that it is against what the bible says, you have to decide which one you are going to believe.

We talked about some examples of things he is learning that fall on both sides, asking him what the bible says about each issue I brought up. He asked some good questions. My favorite question came when we were talking about taking care of the earth. We have always taught the kids that it is very important that we take good care of the earth because starting way back in Genesis, God gave the earth over for mankind to care for, so we need to take that responsibility seriously. I made a comment in this present discussion to the effect that some people who feel very strongly about taking care of the earth have rejected God. He said, "But that doesn't make sense! Why would they care about the God's creation if they don't care about God?"
"I know. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense when you put it that way. But it is sort of like they have chosen to worship the earth instead of God, the creator of the earth. The earth can be an idol and..."
"I know why. They have been deceived," he responded.

I am hoping that this conversation builds a foundation for him that allows him to think critically about what he is learning in school. The bigger challenge will be balancing the critical thinking with lessons on how to respectfully, kindly, appropriately respond to things that go against what he knows about God and His Word. I am invigorated by the challenge and excited to see how the Lord develops this aspect of my kid's intellect!

mom's day

2010-05-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

Our associate Pastor, Joel, made this video on Friday and showed it at church today, in honor of mothers. Davis got to star in his very own "Movie." I was in stitches during church, watching it. SO FUN. Hope you enjoy it too!

Blessing or Bravery?

2010-05-07T14:09:00.000-07:00

I get a lot of wide-eyes and knowing looks from people when I am out and about with three or four of my boys. You know, the kind of wide eyes that say, "That's a lot of kids!" and the knowing looks that say, "my-oh-my you've got your work cut out for you!" And with those expressions usually follow a comment of some sort that goes something like, "You are so brave! I stopped at two. I can't imagine FOUR!" or "Four BOYS. Your hands are FULL." And you can imagine the tone: these are not meant to be encouraging statements.

These comments are not new to me and I have had lots of time to process the best response. For a while I just gave them equally wide eyes and agreed with them. Not because I agreed with them, but because its always nice to get sympathy from strangers. It occurred to me a couple of years ago that I am not the only one within earshot of these comments. I did not want perfect strangers to define any part of my children's psyche. They have no right to impress upon my children that they are a burden. Not only is it is lie, it is the opposite of the truth. My children are not burdensome; they are a blessing.

So my answers morphed into something that would make sure my kids knew I disagreed with the sentiment. "I love every one of them!" or "I feel blessed," I would respond.

Our culture teaches that children are a heavy weight to shoulder. Even common parenting experience points to how difficult it is to "deal with" children. That is such a sad state of affairs. Raising children IS a challenge, especially when there is not a Guidebook on the nightstand. Parenting is a puzzle without a great group of fellow moms walking alongside you, to commiserate AND celebrate with. Motherhood is trying and exhausting, especially when she is expected to live with one foot in full-time work, and another foot in full time mothering. The sentiment these onlookers express is their reality (or their imagined reality). And that really is sad - so sad!

In light of these considerations, my answers are ever-so-slightly changing again. Each time a "sympathetic phrase" is uttered my direction, I see it as an opportunity to share another perspective. "My, you are brave," they say. I can respond with a genuine smile and light in my eyes and say, "I'm not brave, but I am blessed." "I see you have your hands full," they say. To which I get to say, "Yes - delightfully full!" I like to try and pause for a half-second longer to look in their eyes with a smile so they can see my joy.

The Kitchen is Closed.

2010-04-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

There is a point in a baby's life when the Three Squares come at reasonable times, and there also comes a time when the kids can deal with eating dinner at 7pm, when Daddy is home and hungry. Alas, we are living in the days when
Lunch for the kindergartner is just shy of 11am (gotta catch that bus!)
Lunch for the toddler is at 10am (to get that belly full before nap) and
Dinner for the toddler is at 3pm (in preparation for his 5:30(!) bedtime).
Dinner for the three big kids is at 4:30 (before baseball practice!)
Dinner for the husband is significantly later
Throw in a morning and afternoon snack and what have you got? A mother that does nothing but prepare for and clean up after meals. No wonder I'm not losing those last 6 pounds.

I am largely over the seizure I suffered when discovering the allergy list I needed to learn to cook around. But pair that with the (temporary) everybody-eats-at-a-different-time business and I gotta' admit: I am a little tired of thinking about food. But my children do not seem to be tired of asking to eat every time my hands near the countertop. Which is why I have instated "The Kitchen is Closed" policy.

So, My Little Grazers, don't even ask.

Living in the Real World

2010-04-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

I got a dose of real encouragement in my email inbox this morning. I must share!

Parent with the Real World in Mind

By:Whitney Hopler
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
Crosswalk Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Mark Matlock's new book, Real World Parents: Christian Parenting for Parents Living in the Real World (Zondervan, 2010).

There's no magic formula you can use to make sure that your kids fare well in this fallen world. So you don't need to feel guilty if you don't keep up with certain behaviors, such as regular family devotions. And you don't need to feel shame if your parenting sometimes falls short of what of what it should be, and you find yourself saying or doing something wrong with your kids.

What matters most is for your kids to see you living for Jesus in a real way - simply doing your best to live faithfully. If you do that, your kids will learn what real faith in action looks like in the midst of the world's sinful realities. They'll witness the ultimate reality that faith can overcome anything the world throws at them.

Jenne's note: here are my two favorite tips the author offers in the article... all the tips are well taken and I encourage you to jump over to the article (link at the end of this post):

Consider what story you're telling. Every day, you're telling your kids a story by the way you live your life, even when you don't speak a word. What story are you telling your kids about the world, and especially about the way you live with and for God over time? It's crucial that you're communicating God's worldview to your kids, instead of telling them to believe what the Bible says but then living according to the world's values rather than what God values.

Ask God to give you His perspective on every part of your life so you can recognize how the world is influencing you in unhealthy ways. Confess and repent of each way that you've been living the wrong story, and pray for the power you need to live the story God wants you to live. Love God with all of your heart and invite Him to change you from the inside out. Then your life will communicate the right story to your kids.

Let go of broken strategies for competing with the world's story. Trying to isolate your kids from the real world won't ultimately protect them, because they're destined to grow up and experience it for themselves someday - and need to be prepared to make wise decisions for themselves when encountering harsh realities. So whenever your kids are exposed to something you wish they weren't, use that opportunity to help them discover how God views the situation. Attempting to regulate the world's influence on your kids in certain areas - by telling them what they can't do - can create a mindset in your kids where they just follow rules without understanding the big picture of God's story and how it relates to each situation. Your goal shouldn't be protecting your kids for the sake of keeping them innocent; it should be teaching them how to think about the world's values so they'll be able to turn away from wrong values on their own. Trying to compartmentalize your family's life - going to church and doing other Christian activities, while allowing your kids to live just the same way as non-Christian kids - will also fail. Rather than conforming to the world, God calls you and everyone in your family to be transformed by inviting the Holy Spirit to renew your minds regularly.
Here is the full article, found on Crosswalk.com

This Means War

2010-04-08T20:22:00.000-07:00

Here are the tools. A laundry basket turned upside down, a hanger with a rubber band extended across, and a handfull of Zoobs (a tinker toy of sorts).

What could four little boys possibly do with this strange set of equipment?

Open a dry cleaning business?

Oh no. This is WAR!

Here are the barracades - one for each boy.

The hanger and rubber band is transformed into bow.

Zoobs? Arrows of course!

And here are the soldiers.

Fight strong. Fight well. Protect your land and defeat the bad guys!

Organization Ideas

2010-04-05T09:42:00.000-07:00

I received an email from a dear friend about a year ago. I read it and then "organized it" into my email inbox. Clearly I need to actually heed some of the advice in this email because the helpful advice was lost all this time. For lack of a better place to put it, it lands here. Hope you find these tips (that I did not come up with, mind you) helpful. I can't wait to implement some of them!

(Ginger, maybe you could forward me the link to your friend's blog that gave you this help. I would like to give credit where credit is due.)

Here are a few tips that help keep the Rexine six-pack organized and working as a team.

* In the kitchen I keep five stacked paper trays each labeled with a name. Mom on top, Riley next and so on. When the kids get home from school, they unload papers for me into my bin and things like spelling words or weekend homework into their bins. We also store things like Valentine lists, school project information, and library books in their bins. My bin usually contains information on fieldtrips, school parties, school and sports pictures/schedules and other things that I need to remember FOR my kiddos. Brady's bin has a few coloring books and scratch paper so he can reach and do a "project" all on his own. He has learned to put everything away in his bin when he is finished and used paper goes into the recycling bin. He takes a lot of pride in doing this. I know you are a year or so away from all the homework, etc...but it may be helpful to get this system in place early. No searching for the missing library book or the dog ate my homework excuses.

* Four colored laundry baskets (labeled) on a cheap shelf in the garage. Kierstyn and Riley's on top, Julia and Brady on bottom. These contain all of their shoes. No more searching. They go in as soon as they come off.

* Four large printer paper boxes (labeled) to hold those special art projects/stories. When I have to put things in a box ( I am going to try to have only 1 per child for their entire school career) I am very choosey about what I save. I have 4 files in the file cabinet in which all questionable artwork goes into, and every 3 months or so I deposit the most precious into the printer paper boxes. The rest is discretely recycled.

* Large cork board hung vertically in the hallway. (I actually found an old picture at Goodwill, cut the picture out of the frame, hung the frame and filled the center with cork tiles.) Everyone can reach to put up those special drawings. When the board is full, some pictures have to come down in order to put others up. The kids chose one of their own to replace with a new one. They then put the old piece in my bin mentioned above. When I go through it, I put the special ones in their file, which will later go through the selection process with hopes of making the big box. See the process in action :)

* Book Basket Basics.....My children all LOVE books. We have a basket of book downstairs, 3 upstairs and even one in their bathroom. This helps keep a mess from being dragged from room to room. They also actually look at all the books, not just the same ones on the top.

* Laundry room....tubs for a garage sale. I keep masking tape and a sharpie in the laundry room. When items are too small and can no longer be passed down, I launder, mark and store them. I hate wasting time on handling items more then once. Every spring I have a garage sale and then use the money for the next seasons clothes. I don't feel overwhelmed, because everything has already been gone through and marked. All I have to do is pull it out and viola!

* Start those memories now.....Every year school year I save a pair of jeans from each child. I mark their name and grade (starting with preschool) and store in a tub. They will each get a quilt made out of their jean squares for graduation. A great way to use jeans that look worn or have holey knees. Some of the squares will contain pockets, others zipper and the girls have some pink jean in their collection.

*BINS BINS BINS..... I just love them. After Christmas, you can get them cheep. They may be red and green, but who cares. Plus they are easy to spot :) In our pantry I have one with games, one with easy bake oven ingredients, one with play - doh and one with puzzles/flash cards. It makes it very easy to find what we need and still organized. (I also stock up on Dollar store shower curtains. They make awesome mats for play-doh, cooking with the kids, shaving cream art, carving pumpkins. If I can clean them up great, if I don't have to...even better :)

* Next year Anessa will have to bring her own snack. On the weekend we make 5 labeled zip lock baggies for each kid for the week. Some sit in the pantry and others in the fridge (like carrots). It sure makes packing a snack much easier and what's good for one works for all. They can chose which one they want on which day.

*Plastic drinking glass drawer.....low cupboard right by the fridge. The kids can get their own glass of water. It's amazing how much time we spend getting drinks when in reality, with the right tools, most of them can do it themselves. If you don't have a water dispenser on the fridge, small sports bottles kept with water in the fridge work awesome.

*Chores...all of our kids have chores ( keep in mind...ours are older :))) They all make their own beds and pick up before they move onto the next activity. They all have daily chores, like making their beds, putting away their clothes, picking up toys. Riley helps clear the table, takes out the garbage and cleans the litter box. The girls empty the dishwasher, and fold laundry, and help set the table and Brady feeds the fish, and helps clear the table. I know family's that give allowances and it works well for them, but we really don't want out kids looking for a return being part of a family. They do, however, know that because they help out, it gives us much more "fun" time with them. A pedicure with pretty polish for the girls or tossing the ball with the boys is really what makes our kids the happiest. As your kids get older, the advantages of a large family really start to show themselves. We have grown into a wonderful team.

*Meals...I usually plan 2 large meat dishes and 3 leftover dishes. I.e. Ham dinner.....then scalloped potatoes and ham, and Hot ham and cheese melts or ham and bean soup. Chicken dinner....chicken pot pie, and chicken with penne pesto pasta. I do the big meals on Mon and Wed. and fill in with the leftovers. It really makes my meal planning a snap, not to mention I save a lot of $$$$. With our busy schedule, I usually put everything in the crock pot right after lunch and then when the 2:30 rush of children, snack and homework begin, I am prepared. I can relax into the afternoon routine still knowing that a great meal is on it's way.

* Laundry...1 light load and 1 dark load a day. I have 2 separate baskets, so everyone separates their own laundry when they drop it off. A colored basket for colors and a white basket for lights/whites. I wash during the day and then the girls and I sit and visit as we fold.....and our meal is cooking itself :)

* Breakfast....set the table for breakfast right before you go to bed. The kids love to come down to a ready to go table.....and SO DO I!!!

* Shoe Boxes.....The girls each have a shoe box of treasures under their bed. They got to decorate it with stickers and markers. This is where they put all of those things that really don't have a place and yet they don't want to get rid of. Birthday cards from Grandma, rock collection, glittery chap stick, beaver bravos etc. They are happy and I don't have to get anything caught in the vacuum cleaner.

*Stair basket or bag....Hangs on the banister or sits on the bottom step. This bag/basket (I love the reusable Fred Meyers box shaped bag) and gets filled with the collection of upstairs items that seems to walk downstairs throughout the day. I bring the bag up before bedtime and everyone is responsible for putting the items that belong to them away. If I need to ask them more than once, the bag is put away until the next day and they will not be allowed to play with the items within the bag. They will have another chance the following evening. Julia once had to go to dance without her ballet slippers and explain to teacher Tammy what happened. Needless to say.....it has never happen again. They have all learned the consequences and comply with a smile. I just love smiling :) :) :)

* And my final tip is cleaning aprons.....The girls and Brady love this....Riley is a little too cool at this point:) I found in-expensive aprons with pockets and stuffed them for cleaning day. A dust rag, a few paper towels, small water spray bottles with Windex, ponytail holder for the girls, and a plastic Freddie's bag which I loop through the tied belt for garbage. Turn on a little music and we are off on a mad yet fun cleaning spree. Brady is quite the baseboard duster.

additional tip from Ginger:
Another thing I've heard from a Megan, who runs a businss called Disorder 2 Order. She said, Horizontal is Hidden...Vertical is Visual. I had these ominous stacks on my desk of papers and 'stuff', and there would always be some bill that would inevitably get sucked in and lost at the bottom and we'd get a late fee on it. argh!! So she said sort things into one of three piles. To DO(bills,forms to be signed, etc), To READ(magazines, articles, research), and To FILE. So I got some cute pee-chees? sp? and a magazine holder thing and everything goes into one of those three folders. I have an extra folder for Anessa's artwork that keeps showing up everywhere. It's nice because it sets a limit: When the File, or Read folder gets full, I have to take care of it, it can't get any fatter. So I take it upstairs to the office and file away, or sit down and read and toss. It's nice because papers aren't being carried up one-by-one to get lost before they reach the office.

Forcing a Smile

2010-04-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

Lately my kids have done a copious amount of bickering. What's all the fuss? Oh, monument things, I would say: little brother is not facing his plate; big brother does not have all four chair legs on the floor. Big brother is not singing the right words; little brother is looking at me. Little brother won't share; big brother won't either. Big brother won the race; little brother pushed me.

Not surprising to any mother, I can't stand the sound of my children fighting with, purposely annoying, or lording over one another. The quibbles (which are more than usual right now) have been a good "opportunity" for me to think through and practice how to tread the quarrelling waters. And since I have short term memory issues (comes with the motherhood territory), I thought it best to write some things down.

I have a few good one-liners in my pocket that I pull out when a scrape ensues ("Let me be the mom, and you can be the encouraging older brother" and "If you continue arguing you will lose the privilege of playing together.")

Generally speaking, I don't permit arguing between the brothers. If I cannot trust them to treat each other well then they cannot play together unsupervised. (More on that notion here.) That does not mean that we are spat-free around here. Quite the contrary! But I grew up with a sibling and we just did not dispute. Part of it was personality, but I think part of it was that our parents taught us how to get along and they did it in a way that worked. My experience tells me that it is possible for siblings to learn to treat each other well. So that is the expectation in our house. I hope it will better prepare them for life, work, and marriage someday!

Here are some of the way that I am teaching my kids how to get along with each other.

1. I know in my heart that my facial expressions and tone of voice DIRECTLY IMPACT how my kids relate to each other. If I am sternly reprimanding their bickering, I have set the example of sternness and impatience. If I respond to their tiff with a soft voice and a smile (even if it IS forced), they have seen an example of how to respond even when they are irritated. (LORD KNOWS how irritated I get!)

I did an experiment in the car today, amid a battle over who was right about the words of a particular song. I put a smile on my face and empathized with the child who was actually right (we both knew he was right) and told him: Since you are the older brother you DO know more things than your little brother, huh? But part of knowing more things is being patient with those who don't know as much. So, if he is wrong and he does not believe you are right, be wise! Know in your head that you are right and just say "Oh well" and move on. That child did not much care for my thoughts on the subject and the scowl on his face remained throughout the miniature lecture - and beyond. My permi-grin remained as well, and I joined in singing the song and acting like I was having a good ol' time, even though one child was glowering and little brother still did not sing the right words. I winked at the scowly face in my rear-view mirror a couple of times but did not let on that he was irking me. It was not long before his countenance changed and he was singing again. As I had hoped, my countenance impacted his and he was finding himself enjoying himself despite the fact that he did not get his little brother to admit he was wrong about something.

2. When I suddenly find my kids have gotten into a cycle of scraps I take note! I spend time thinking about their arguing and try to name what I am hearing. If I can't yet name it, or don't know how best to handle it I default to my standby and send the kids to different rooms or regions to sit quietly and look at books or something. That at least buys me some time until the next quarrel. (And yes, there will be a "next time.") So anyway, rather than react and respond in foolishness I think and pray for wisdom. After some thinking and praying, I have discovered that the types of arguments we are having lately involve 1.) mostly one boy lording authority over another boy and 2) I hear a fair amount of "right fighting" which basically means that a brother cares more about being right than anything (that's the definition of an idol!). Of course the other typical source of quarrels stem from selfishness in one child and impatience from the other. In nearly all bickering, both kids are in the wrong: Right-fighting and lording over from one child usually creates a stubborn heart in the other.

3. If I have spent time thinking about the bottom line of the arguments then when the bickering starts I pretty quickly can identify what's "really" going on, which gives me the opportunity to use my prepared response. Yes, I brush up on my acting skills and prepare what I will say next time.

4. I spend time teaching (a bit in the moment and a bit more, later, when they are more prepared to learn!). Rather than focus on what to stop doing or acting like, I try to focus on teaching them how they should act: how to react; what words to use; what tone of voice to adopt. I might say to one child, "Rather than yell at at your brother to quit, please say, 'will you please stop..." When I give them a better phrase I try my best to force a smile and keep my tone pleasant. When it it really hard for me to maintain control over my tone and words, it is actually a good reminder to me that what I am asking of them (to control their anger or frustration) is a very difficult thing!

I also try to help them see the situation from the younger one's perspective. For instance I might say, "Honey, I know he is bothering you and that you would rather he leave. But do you know that he just loves playing with you so much? He just wants to do what you are doing because you are so fun to be around." Pointing out that fact usually stops the older one in their tracks and gives them a dramatically different level of patience with a younger brother.

5. I also try to take note of how I have been speaking to the kids and my husband in other situations. Has my tongue been quick? Have I exercised great patience and self-control? Am I giving them the benefit of the doubt? Have I smiled at my kids? Have I respected my husband? Am I nit-picking? Am I being inconsistent in my discipline? Am I asking the kids to do things that I, a grown woman, am not modeling? I am surprised at what I usually discover. Ugh.

Probably the most agonizing thing about controlling the caterwaul is owning up to how I have contributed to the problem. I think I will forever need to be humbled in how I use my tongue and tone. But when it is all said and done I am pointed to my Savior, who is the only one who can help. I love the reminder in Ephesians: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph 4:29-32)

This verse is a good reminder for me and my kids!

(For other sibling-related posts click here.)

Overheard a Conversation...

2010-03-29T15:39:00.000-07:00

There was much yelling downstairs while the kids were "trying" to play thw Wii together. If the kids are going to "enjoy" themselves on this sort of entertainment I have one hard and fast rule: as soon as there is frustration, arguing, or bickering, the Wii time is over. I mean, come on kids: its only fun until its not fun anymore!

Anyway, much yelling, mostly from jackson's lungs, got my attention. I called the boys to me and asked for an explanation as to why the fun did not sound like very much fun. Turns out Jackson was asking Davis for help, which he gladly was giving and that is the point that things turned ugly. OK Jackson, I think there was a miscommunication here because you are mad at your brother. He wants to help you like you asked. Why don't you sit and listen to him for just a moment and maybe you two can work this out. Here is the conversation that ensued once I left the room:

D: I was just trying to help you.
J: But I couldn't hear you.
D: That because YOU WERE COVERING YOUR EARS!
J: Well, yeah. Just for the boring part. I didn't like the boring part.
D: But THAT was the most important part of the whole thing!
J: Oh. Well, it was boring.

Davis, some days are like that.

What a Beautiful Mess!

2010-03-17T20:44:00.000-07:00

I will not pretend to be embarrassed. This mess in our basement is for a VERY good cause.

And now you see the cause. This poor excuse for a bathaundry room saw its last winter. Bye-bye crazy shaped counter. So long non-existant under-the-sink storage. Au revoir shower that violently sprays out the door if you open it - even quickly - to get in once the water has warmed up. See you never again, toilet that hardly bothers to flush.

You will (NOT) be missed.

Hello soon-to-be functional bathroom.

Hello laundry room with a laundry shoot. I think we are going to be very, very good friends. I still won't iron, and I don't plan on spending quality time with you, but I will think of you fondly while I fold laundry in front of the TV. Oh, and hello new half-bath-that-Ryan-is-so-excited-to-use-when-he-is-covered-in-mud-from working-in-the-yard. Drywall is up. Mudding will begin soon.

And I cannot neglect the widend hallway. Hello hallway. The cupboards which we removed from you to make this space feel less like a dungeon are the REAL reason the basement is such a disaster. Can't wait to install some IKEA magic along your wall!

So, there is the progress for anyone who was DYING to know. We patiently await the return of our hard-working crew. This job expanded beyond what anybody thought when we opened up walls and discovered the ABSURD plumbing situation. Sorry to all their other clients who were put on hold while that mess was sorted out.

Friendly Update

2010-03-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

To My Dearest Girlfriends,

I am typing two-handed (something I do not take for granted – yet), but I am typing amid a HUGE pile of receipts and bills. And they call my name (albeit in a rather annoying, nasal voice). Yes, it is another exciting Friday night at the Glover’s. But actually, it is a bit exciting. Ryan has been working all day (over 12 hours now) alongside our construction guys, putting insulation and drywall up in our remodel project. We are re-doing a hideous bathroom in our basement, and converting a portion of our garage in order to add a mud/laundry room (as in, making our garage smaller in order to give a portion to the inside of the house). Following the completion of that, we will replace all the interior doors and trim, re-floor the basement common areas (we re-carpeted the bedrooms down there late last year) and that will conclude the near COMPLETE remodel of the entire basement. We bought this house with a lovely upstairs (well, some of it was lovely anyway) and a gross downstairs. Admitting all vanity, I was always embarrassed when a guest saw that portion of the house (sorry I made you to SLEEP down there Heidi…) but now it will be simple but updated and definitely not gross.

Kids are all good. Basketball season ends Saturday for Jackson, baseball season started last Thursday for D and J. I do a little jig when I remember that this year, the two big boys will be able to share the same team and the two little boys are too young for sports. I take a deep cleansing breath when I think about next year, when they will be separated again and we will re-live the chaos of Spring 2009. And I shudder to think of life when all four are participating in sports. I have already determined that T-Ball is outlawed (what a colossal waste of time) and that if you are too young (scared) to stay at practice without a parent there THE WHOLE TIME, you will likely be sitting on the grandstands with Mom, not the dugout with Dad. One mom cannot be in four places at once: sometimes she HAS TO go deliver another child somewhere in the span of your practice.

We have been in a really fulfilling small group this year. Our pastor and a friend of ours co-lead it. It has been good to get back into a small group after not participating for 3 years. This year has been The Year of Friendship Development and Enhancement for Ryan. He has established or deepened many relationships with other men, and spent a great deal of time with them. It has been wonderful to see this in his life, even if it has meant that I have had to be home alone with the kids a little more often here and there. One thing that has bonded these guys together the most has been “The Biggest Loser” competition that one of the guys has put together. It was offered up to the whole church and there are a couple dozen people participating. They all line up after service to get “weighed in” and there are prizes each week for the man and woman who lost the most weight (on a % basis). In the 13 years we have been married (actually all 17 years we have been together) Ryan has NEVER dieted. He is serious about it (grumpy, but serious). I am so proud of him for his discipline in eating and exercising. It ALMOST makes me want to exercise, too! Maybe I will when the remodel is over and we can uncover our fitness equipment from the piles of junk waiting to be put in their newly remodeled places.

We opened another clinic this year. This time we assisted another therapist in opening her own. That has been good but has added quite a load on to my plate. We are just about through the worst of it… perhaps just in time to add another one (that we would own). Ryan has two more “in the hopper.” Hopefully they won’t BOTH be in 2010. I might fall over.

Me, I am just balancing it all. And enjoying it, though I miss being able to just sit and do nothing from 8:30pm when the kids are all down until 10:30, when I fall into bed and do my Bible read-through daily assignment. I am enjoying this read-through. By the year’s end I will have read the OT once and the Psalms and NT twice. It does not take much time each night but it is wonderful to have the discipline back in my busy life!

I must sign off for now. (Those bills are STILL calling…can you hear them, too?)

Movin' and a Shakin'

2010-03-12T17:13:00.000-08:00

The baby seems to have dropped his morning nap. The delightful three-year-old is painstakingly dropping his one and only (still very much needed) nap. In six short months the six-year-old will be in school all day. Last night the eight-year-old took it upon himself to read to his three-year-old brother and then put him to bed - and he was successful.

All my boys are growing up. Sniff. Sigh. A tiny piece of me is nostalgic but the rest of me just loves the move the boys (especially the older two) are all making toward independence and responsibility. What I am finding as we slowly enter this new season is that our roles as parents are changing. The mother-hen, nurture, keep-em-close, protect their world role I have had is giving way to a you-can-do-it mentality (thank you, Ryan, for pointing this out to me). At home, they need to be trained and expected to do more and more things for themselves. As they increasingly face the world on their own, I must create create an atmosphere in our home that is safe for them to synthesize what they encounter out there.

I am hungry for wisdom and resources - and I have found one recently that I think will help equip both Ryan and I for this new season (and it informs parents in the preschooler-season as well). It is a Parenting DVD series that I am previewing for our church and hoping to offer to other families in the fall. (I thought I would tease you fellow C-stoners a little bit...) My favorite concept so far has been this: It is one thing to want to do a good job raising kids - to have well-behaved kids who know their Bible and know how to act in church. It is another thing entirely to raise great kids who are all that God intend for them to be as adults. The two can go hand in hand, but the second one can also be missed, especially in a home that relies too heavily on either legalism or license.

I am excited for what the Lord has for us in this new season - and anxious to share what I am absorbing with my friends!

Facebook and Me

2010-02-28T17:19:00.000-08:00

My Facebook account has all but eaten my blog. Usually FB is nothing more than a place to reconnect or (more frequently for me) a place to waste time. But last week, it stimulated some heavy thinking! I fell into a conversation thread with a couple of dudes that considered religion to be a "mental virus." He wrote:

"all theistic religions are mind-control cults. People, think for yourselves! All the merited aspects of religions follow from common sense and are very public domain--religion didn't invent them and religion can't take credit for them. Only the negatives, i.e., the manipulation, the mind-control, the subjugation, the vilification of reason, science and free-thought, the greed and the chauvinism are proprietary to each individual cult according to their method..."

Quite a "take" on all things religious. What pulled me into the conversation was this comment: "The attempt to connect (dogma) to mythological figures and parables (such as Jesus, Moses, Mohammad, and the stories of their adventures, et al) is a way to alert the primitive mind to a crude distortion of spirituality..."

Did you just call Jesus, Moses and Mohammad mythological figures? WHAT!?

As the conversation progressed, the agnostic said there was not sufficient evidence to support the existence of God and therefore he does not bother his brain to ponder that which is unknowable. Then he gave me the opportunity to support my view - that there IS sufficient evidence in support of the existence of a Creator-God. The conversation was wild from there, and in the end - as you can imagine - he found my arguments weak. And they probably were, having never given a defense of my faith to a hostile agnostic before.

But it begs the question: if YOU were asked "Why do you believe that there is a God, what would you say?" Here is what I said:

Scott, I am by no means practiced at conversations like this. I spend my time raising our four boys and assisting my husband in running a medical practice. I am not a philosopher, theologian, or debater. I consider myself a thinking person who at one point during my youth put my “knowing hope” in a God I cannot see and have continued since that point to pursue the God of the Hebrews and the Gentiles. I don’t think I have it all figured out, and acknowledge that there are areas unknown to me in which I am either mistaken or misguided. On that last point, who of us could honestly assert anything different?

First off, I do not put my faith in ‘religion.’ As Robert (another participant in our 'friendly' debate) said, religion has a lot to answer for over the years and I agree wholeheartedly. It would be foolish, however, to blame human mistakes (lumping here a wide spectrum of historical failings and atrocities) on the Creator. A simple analogy to make my point: We cannot blame the creator of baseball bats for some abusive father beating his kid with one, can we? It is that father who has committed the atrocity and it is the father who must answer for the crime.

Point B: I would argue that there IS overwhelming evidence of a Creator-God.
1. The intricate order found in animal, mineral and vegetable points to that Creator (you may argue a theory void of God, inserting the passage of millions of years as explanation for the order we see today. Such Darwinian thought is not necessarily false but without the participation of a Creator this theory is simply drunk on the passage of time: the evidence for something of that scale defying the laws of thermodynamics for such a prolonged period of time defies logic.
2. There is a consistent existence and perpetuation of a belief in a higher power throughout human history, in nearly all societies whether linked or isolated from other tribes or nations. You consider it as merely a psychological instrument to for humans to cope with life and the unexplained. But the alternate view I put forward here is that this Creator that I see evidence for everywhere I look has put into His creation a deep inner knowledge of His existence. I am not appealing to tradition here, trying to assert that "since X has always been true, it must be true." I am suggesting that perhaps the reason there is such an historical presence of a 'higher power' in the psyche of humans is because there is.
And if point 1 and point 2 are true, He is a Creator that not just created us but He also desires - for some inexplicable reason - to be known by his creation. I assert here that if the Creator of the Universe desires to be known, then we would be wise to know Him.

3. This one is not scientifically or historically provable but it is something that cannot be ignored: humans have a soul. You will no doubt argue this word or point in some way, shape, or form, but the undeniable truth is that there is something in us that connects our mind, body and spirit together. There is no reason for a soul other than to assist in following (or rejecting) a moral code. I assert that this moral code is a product of our Creator not a product of evolution (over the course of history I would not dare claim that we have evolved much on this front – humans have struggled with incomprehensible evil in every era).

Point C: (Dare I tackle this one here?) the historical accuracy and reliability of both the Old and New Testaments is a fascinating study. Of course none of this is interesting if you believe Jesus to be a lunatic or a liar, but supposing there is room for the possibility that he is indeed Lord, you might be interested in the manuscript evidence of the New Testament. You can find this widely accepted evidence in a myriad of places. Here is one that details what I am talking about.

Point D: Viewing the Bible for its historical value, you will find recorded there (and substantiated in other historical texts) a group of 11 men (excluding Judas Iscariot) who were lousy followers of Jesus. They were always saying things that Jesus found appalling, had a faith in Jesus’ Lordship that was weak and pathetic. They even argued against Jesus when He said it was time for him to be crucified. These disciples completely abandoned Jesus at his greatest time of need. But then something really interesting happened to all of those yellowbellies and as a result 10 (perhaps all) of them, one by one, was killed for their unwillingness to recant their claims about Jesus. It is my conclusion drawn from this evidence that something life-changing happened. I believe they witnessed the resurrection of Jesus. And for refusing to deny their first-hand testimony, every one of them, save one, was violently killed (torn in half, crucified upside down, etc, etc.). This evidence goes far beyond the existence of a Creator and moves into the finer points of my faith and the love story written in the Bible about the God of the Bible.

This was a very fun exercise for me and I thank you for the opportunity to write. I did not write this to convince or argue. I wrote this knowing that when you and I add up 2 + 2, we come up with different answers… and we both think the other person’s answer is 5.

Hi! My name is Weston

2010-02-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

Hi! My name is Weston and this is my nap journey this week.

Day 1: I complained all day long that I was hung-gee (Mom says that when I say, "I'm STIWWLL hung-gwee" what I really mean is that I am tired. She's crazy. To proved her wrong, I spent 2 hours in my room and for the 13th day in a row, I successfully fought sleep.

Day 2: Mom did not make me nap today. She said, "I'd rather put him to bed at 5:30 tonight." Not sure what THAT means.

Day 3: I was very "blinky" today. Mom kept on commenting on it whenever she saw my big hard blinks. I think she's seeing things.

Day 4: I read books for a long time. When I woke up, it was dark and dinner was on the table. And BOY did I feel better! (Still a bit blinky though...)

Day 6: Nap? No thanks. I would rather be cranky and push my baby brother down a couple extra times today.

Day 7: I rubbed my eyes today and mom said, "do your eyes hurt? My eyes hurt when they are tired" I said, "No. My eyes is not tired. My eyes is just hung-gwee"

Day 8: Sleep overcame me despite my best efforts. When Mom woke me up dinner was ohvwer and all my bwuhvers were already in bed. This is what I look like after napping for five-and-a-half hours:

Do I plan on napping tomorrow? HA! What do YOU think!?!?

Getting My Priorities Straight

2010-01-28T16:58:00.000-08:00

Can I pull my thoughts together long enough to make sense of what is spinning around in my head? I'd say the chances are 50-50. You be the judge (but please be kind...).

One overarching priciple that drives my parenting is this: What my kids learn in their growing-up years about respecting and responding to my and Ryan's authority will inform how they, as adults, respect and respond to the Ultimate Authority of the Lord. I want my little boys to grow up to be men who have hearts tender for the Lord - eager to please their Lord, ready to do hard things when asked.

Ryan and I agree on a lot of things. We agree foundationally on faith, politics, money, and on many parenting-related topics. But there are a handful of things that we don't see eye-to-eye on. None of these things are foundational Biblical truths but rather secondary and tertiary issues. For example, the methods we use to teach our kids how to respond to the Lord's authority. We both agree that our kids need a healthy and accurate view of God - we both desire that they place themselves under the Lord. But how we get there - we don't always agree.

My Ultimate Authority is the Lord, but the Lord has put me under my husband. The way I respond to and respect Ryan's authority over me is a direct reflection to my kids of how they should handle authority. It is also a direct answer to whether or not I submit to the God's authority. When I married Ryan, God placed Ryan over me. And every day after that, I must choose to come under him.

(I bet you just heard my audible sigh.)

I love Ryan. He is a wonderful man. And even being married to a wonderful man, this task is a difficult one. So often I have my own ideas. I have my own experiences to base my ideas off of. I have my own desires. And sometimes we just plain disagree on the best way to arrive at our destination.

Sometimes the way we differ is how we prioritize the various character qualitites we are building in our kids. What I think is priority numero uno falls much farther down on Ryan's list. How challenging it is to release my own priorities in favor of Ryan's. It is painful to even type that. I want to push my agenda and disregard Ryan's. But ultimately when I do that I have set myself outside of God's protection. I might have a great idea that God would otherwise smile at but if I am pursuing that without the blessing of the man He has given me I am wrong.

It is more important to remain where God has placed me - under the headship of my husband who will take responsibility for me at the judgment seat of Christ. When my flesh wants to go its own way, I can rest peacefully in that blessed assurance.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. Oh what a fortress of glory divine!

One Week Down, 3 to go!

2010-01-08T14:27:00.000-08:00

For anyone who is still reading my sorely-neglected blog, you might be interested to know that I survived week one of January. Check these off the list:
One New Years Eve party hosted
One New Years Eve party cleaned up
One 9.5 hour long business meeting for the new clinic. Check. (Don't YOU wish YOU were in an all-day meeting on a Saturday in January? It was really exciting, actually. Yeah, I am that kind of dork.)
One Sunday School lesson taught.

Can I just tell you that ALL THAT was done in a period of 3.5 days, from Thursday night to Sunday morning.

The rest of the week's focus: getting the new clinic listed as "in network" at a bjillion insurance companies. The mounds of paperwork associated with that is impressive.

This new clinic we are starting up is quite exciting to me. We are working with a company that just started up. Seeing the woman who started this hand therapy practice her go through this process - all the thousands of tiny (yet huge) decisions that have to be made - reminds both Ryan and I of where we were four years ago. It is a monumental thing to go into business for yourself. Add to that the complexities of healthcare and insurance contracting and you have yourself a big task. Turns out you eat this elephant just like any other piece of meat: one bite at a time.

That is where Ryan and I come in: we are guiding and facilitating the consumption of this elephant. And we are using our prior elephant-eating experience as a guide. It is incredibly satisfying to assist someone else get started with their own business. (It would have been A.MAZE.ING to have someone hold our hand through the process, as the learning curve was tremendously steep.)

So we end this week, Ryan and I, with a date. We are taking our two big boys up to the mountain for a day of skiing (lessons for half the day for them, while Mom and Dad attack the mountain). Thanks to Maryann for watching the little ones while we enjoy being otherwise irresponsible.

And about skiing.. Ryan has been absolutely giddy with excitement. He told me today that he is excited because he is skiing with ME. I love that he wants to spend time with me. I am so blessed to be married to this man.

The Coming January Storm

2009-12-26T13:53:00.000-08:00

it is going to be a pretty interesting January at our house. It is like the perfect storm, where every possible event, fun thing, stressful work load, and remodel all comes together in one blast of a month.

If (if, indeed) I have the chance to blog about it along the way you will find us deep in the throes of

A super fun new year's party
a bathroom remodel
four saturday's worth of ski lessons for "the big boys"
a laundry room addition
new basement floors
Basketball practices
setting up a new clinic in Bend
teaching sunday school twice
a new therapist hired (read: lots of paperwork with insurance companies!)
but NO PUPPY! (let's wait until february at least, sweetie)

Incidentally, I looked up the actual definition of "throe." Turns out it may be a bit of hyperbole on my part. Well anyway, will our marriage survive? Will the kids come out of this first month in 2010 scarred for life?

Stay tuned...

See you in 2010!

2009-11-22T22:39:00.000-08:00

Not that I have been posting much anyway, but i am officially taking a break until 2010. I pray your holiday season is truly wonderful!

Reduce, Reuse

2009-11-05T08:44:00.000-08:00

RECYCLE!

I came across a couple of funny posts today so I thought I would recycle them. If you care to comment on any of them, I encourage you to comment on the actual, original post, rather than going to the trouble of coming back to this post to comment. (I get all the comments emailed to me, regardless of how old they are. I love Blogger!)

Funny post #1 is brought to you by Jackson, at age four.

And this one, courtesy of Jackson and Davis, last Christmas.

Here is some fact checking from my brain.

And finally, some chuckles from Weston. If you really wnat something enjoyable, be sure to click on the links that are in this post.

Hospitality?

2009-10-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

I jsut read a friend's blog post about hospitality. She REALLY knows how to make you feel welcome, and I say that from experience. She also loves the process of preparing for guests. I admire that. Anyway, reading her post made me think of some advice I got once a few years back.

I don't know how hospitable this is, but this older friend of mine told me once that she used to scrub and polish the house to spic-and-span standards (tiring herself out in the process) for when the grandkids who live a couple hours away came to visit. She eventually realized that not only was she too tired to really enjoy the kids but also the dirt she so surrepeticiously scrubbed away was trekked in moments after they arrived. She would have to scrub and polish all over again as soon as they left. She decided from then on that before the kids came over she would "straighten" but not scrub. She now saves the scrubbing for when they leave. The notion absolutely blew my mind. You mean I could NOT spic-and-span my house before a bunch of people come over? Really?!?! I thought about all the times when I was too tired to actually enjoy gatherings at my house because I have worked so hard to get ready for them.

This paradigm shift was right up my alley.

So now you know a little secret about me. Next time you are at my house, feel free to notice the dirty floors. You can know that tomorrow (or maybe the next day), they will be clean. You should stop by then and see.

Now, aren't I hospitable?

All Set for September to Start

2009-10-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

I am a bit embarrassed to admit it since it is nearing the end of October, but I am just now finally ready for school to start. Granted, my two school-aged kids have been attending school since they opened the doors September 4th but I have not organized myself until just now. Er, well, I guess I still have some organizing to do, but the one thing I really wanted to get set up is just now finally set up.

The chore and laundry schedule. (Insert scary "Psycho" music here, if you like.)

I had a GREAT one all set up for myself and the boys for the summertime, when they had all day to whittle away on their chores. But I knew it needed to be modified for the school year. The reality of soccer and school (oops, I have that backwards don't I!!) is that there are not as many minutes in the day for the boys to do their homework, have free playtime, read together, AND accomplish the healthy list of summer chores. Well, there is that time, I guess, but then there are no empty spaces in the day to have poignant conversations about life and God. And we can't afford to let that to be missed.

So a Fall Chore Schedule I did create. (High Five to me!) I will introduce it to the boys after school. They won't know what hit them.

The interesting thing I discovered in these past 7 weeks without a plan of action is that I tended to hand chores out on any given day based upon my level of frustration or stress. Frustration with my load, frustration with their arguing, stressed about meeting all the needs of the day, frustration with the incredible mess we lived in, frustration-stress-frustration.

We want our boys to be hard workers. We want our boys to be responsible. We want our boys to work diligently without complaining. I am pretty sure these past 7 weeks were not actually accomplishing that. I am pretty sure they were instead learning how to avoid them ("play quietly with your brother and she won't bother you").

I am thankful to have a plan again. It feels good to be unemotional and in control in this area (there are ENOUGH areas that I have little control with... more on that, perhaps, later). It is one less thing I have to expend energy on, that thing being thinking up the day's chores.

I have made a sheet that spells out each day's chores for each boy (and you will remember that my boys do their own laundry now...oh I have a funny story about that...). We chatted yesterday about what it really means to, for example, clean the bathroom or do your laundry. Expectations have been set. The boys highlighted their name everywhere they saw it. They taped the list to a place where they can see it. They know all about the "bonus reward" they can receive for accomplishing the chores well all week without complaining or reminders.

The other person being trained, here, is ME. I can now look at my piece of paper with MY chores on it and know what I need to accomplish today (and today only!) so that by the end of the week generally everything has been given the once-over. I am a quasi-perfectionist which means that if i don't think i can do it perfectly, I won't bother to do it (what's the point!). Having a week long plan helps me through the hurdle in my mind, allowing me to just be diligent in today's work knowing that the rest will take care of itself.

Let the training recommence!

Parenting Honesty

2009-10-15T14:03:00.000-07:00

I recently chatted with another mom who has a child with similar characteristics to one of my children. Her words to me describing what she encounters each day sent me back into the world I lived in for three years. I remember those years being a challenge, but I had not thought of the specifics for quite a while. It was good to rehearse those so that I could see just how much progress we had made with this child.

Since that conversation I have been thinking a lot about the journey that I have been on with that child. There is a mound of history. I have so many unpleasant memories of times when he threw flaming, torrential fits. I remember the time I let him sleep in my bed one time and after that he got up multiple times every night for more than two months claiming to be scared and asking to sleep in my bed. I vowed never make that mistake again. I remember the times - the many, many times - he got so angry that he was not getting his way that he screamed angrily for more than an hour on his bed. So many memories and I just can't help but remember...

Really and truly, he is not a "bad kid" by any stretch, but lets just say that when ANY of my children are causing trouble, it is this child's name that is on the tip of my tongue. Its a force of habit, I tell you. It is unfortunate but true that the rocky history impacts nearly every interaction between the two of us. Often, either my dukes are up and ready for a fight, or I tip-toe away from potential conflict. Either way, I distance myself from him. I have forgiven but not forgotten his stubbornness, his angry fits, his manipulation.

The verses from Ephesians 6 make sense to me: "Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise: that it may go well for you, and that you will enjoy a long life on the earth." (emphasis mine)

The reality of life is that when you make poor choices, when you are difficult to get along with, when you allow your passions to rule you, there are quiet consequences. A quiet consequence here appears to be the distance between us and my frequent assumption that he is at fault. Stay with me please because I have yet to articulate what is on my heart this evening.

I go back to the recent conversation I had with this mother, and how it convicted me. In that conversation I encouraged this mom to attempt to really understand her difficult child. "Crouch down and try to see the world from his perspective," I said. "Sometimes what looks like disobedience is actually frustration due to the child's inability to fully communicate. Sometimes he is not mad that he can't have what he wants but instead he is merely angry because he never did get you to understand what it really was that he wanted." To be understood is a deep and pressing need. To meet (or attempt to meet) that need is a great gift we can give our children (or our spouse!).

Now my child has moved past the intense preschool years and can communicate better, can cope with life more effectively, and has tools to play better in that sandbox. I am so thankful that those years are in the past. But my memory pulls us back there. Our interactions continue to be colored.

But God.

How long is His memory? What does He ask of me? As a mature Christian parent I believe he asks me to put on the fruits of the spirit, especially when I conjure up the memories. I believe he asks me to offer up compassion. I believe He asks me to confess the memories I refuse to release. He asks me to renew my mind. Think differently about this child. Speak differently about and to this child. God's mercies are new every morning. EVERY MORNING.

His divine power has given us everything. Everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him... (2 Peter 1:3).

Last night my little guy woke up scared. Was he? Who knows. My flesh wanted to march him back to bed and get back to bed myself. But the Lord spoke very clearly to me and so I listened. I willingly "forgot" the memories and smiled at my boy, "Hi sweetie. You are scared? Come here." And we hugged. I lost a little more than an hour's sleep last night, but I met my boy's need to be understood with compassion. There is no amount of sleep that could replace that.

Faith Like a Child

2009-10-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

"Why does that book say 'IF God is Good?' God IS good," says Davis, reading the title of Randy Alcorn's newest book which rested on our dining table.
"Well," I reply, "Because there is a very big question that people, especially those who do not yet beieve in God, want to know. That questions is, 'if God is good then why is there so much evil and suffering in the world?'"
With a look of perplexity he answered, "That shouldn't be such a big book. All it needs is one page in it that says, 'Because sin got into the world.'"

"Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all." And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands upon them. (Mark 10:14-16 NASB)

Teething Intensity

2009-10-09T20:07:00.000-07:00

He was not crying, and hardly even squawking, but here you see the fruit of his labor:

Ok, Lord. What is in store for us with this wonderful little guy?

Cutie-Pie

2009-10-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday Ryan and I had a casual business meeting at our home. I decided to sit the kids in front of a movie and float in and out of the meeting as needed. A couple of times Weston came up the stairs, crying about one thing or another. When he is crying and you ask him "what's the matter?" his only answer is, "I-duh-know!!" The first two times he came up crying it was because he was being a pill to his brothers and they had finally had enough of it, so when he came up crying again, I bypassed the "What's the matter" formality and went straight to, "Oh, Weston. Are you causing trouble downstairs again?"
Sobbing, he replies, "Yeah!!!"
I pick him up and hug him. It's hard being two. All you want to do is stand two inches in front of the TV so no one else can see it. But nobody likes that. When my comfort to him was not followed by me carrying him back downstairs to "fix" the problem, he said (still crying): "You come downstaiws an' cause twubble WIFF ME! You cause twubble WIFF ME!!"

Such a funny little nut.

Big Foot

2009-10-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

Sort of on a whim, I decided to teach our church's "Kids Klub." I did it last week, and I am doing it again this week. Probably the week after, as well. Kids Klub is the class our 1st-5th graders go to during the sermon. The man who usually does it is A-MAZE-ING so I went into it knowing I had some fairly large shoes to fill. No worries: I have big feet (literally). Big feet figuratively? Hummmm, we will see.

I decided to teach from a children's bible study book, written by Kay Arthur called How to Study the Bible for Yourself: For Kids. Last week I was a detective, noticing as many things about the classroom and surroundings as I could so i could make a good guess as to what was going on at this place we were all at. Of course we all knew it was church, but I noted to the kids that if i only noticed SOME of the clues out there, I very likely could have gotten it wrong. Afterall, we worship in a school and we were meeting in the teacher's lounge. We went through all sorts of "bad guesses" I could have made if I had not bothered to notice the clues available.

I taught them (in a fun way, I might add) the three words: Observation, Interpretation, and Application. I can't wait to see if the kids remember the hand guestures we learned from last week. This week I will essentially redefine "detective's clues," calling them CONTEXT. You know, the Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How questions. And the study actually has the kids opening their Bible to Titus (a nice and short book!) to attempt to answer these questions. I have some tricks up my sleeve and I can't wait!

A report after last week's class: I had a great time teaching those 12 boys and 5 girls (what's with that ratio?!). I came out of the class soaring. I just LOVED it. I just have to add at this point that after the class was over my good friend Tiffany asked how it went. Her daughter (one of the five girls in the class) was right there so I turned to her and said, "I don't know, how do YOU think it went, Ainsley?" Now if you know anything about her, you know she does not mince words so I was taken aback when her response to her mom was, "It was good. She did a really good job." Never in my life have I received such high praise as a glowing compliment from Miss Pate. Thanks for making my week, girl!

Where did September Go?

2009-09-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

September marked some pretty significant changes in our household. Wanna hear about them?

Jackson entered Kindergarten. Day one report: "It was good" (said with a smile). Day two report: "It was GREAT!" He has come home with new tricks up his sleeve, like when he wants to say something, his arm shoots straight up in the air and he WAITS for me to call on him. I like this trick.

I should mention that Davis has made the transition to second grade quite well. He has the same teacher as last year, and most of his classmates are the same.

Soccer-soccer-soccer. Unlike baseball, the season of soccer is actually rather manageable. Games only last an hour, and practices are not nearly so frequent and intense. Actually, we are hosting Davis' soccer practices in our backyard. That has been fun. But really, the best part is watching the boys play their hearts out. Jackson runs circles around his team mates. They have put him on "goalie" to prevent him from scoring every 90 seconds. (They had him just passing a lot, which he was more than willing to do, but after he passed it to a team mate, they would promptly lose it so Jackson would go get it again and the series of events would repeat themselves. Eventually he gives up and just goes ahead and scores. Pretty funny. Davis is learning a new level of competition this year and it is called "having a goalie." "It's hard to score when there is a goalie!!" says he. He's doing well, none-the-less.

Working less. I have transitioned some of my duties at work over to my trusty (and amazing) assistant at work. As a result I have less on my plate and can work fewer hours per week. (I have been working 20 hours for about 18 months, and the goal now is for me to work 10 hours a week instead.) It has been very clear that this change is long overdue. We added a kid 10 months ago, which increased the demands on my day but did not adjust my life. I have had too much on my plate for too many months and to be really honest, I let the eternal things drop. It is time for a change!

Public School, Year 4

2009-09-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

School starts Tuesday. My babies are in 2nd grade and Kindergarten. We went to school yesterday to drop off the school supplies they asked each student to buy. My two grade-schoolers left with excitement coursing through their veins. They can't wait for what lies ahead.

As a Lord-loving mother, I share in their excitement. I can relax any teacher-trepidations I might have had this year because both my kids have teachers we have had in the past. They are both women who pass the "sniff test" with flying colors. My second grader has developed a track record of (somehow) picking out the kids that are fellow believers and befriending them - though he rarely knows what they believe. It occurs to me that I need to give glory to the Lord for this one! My kindergartner has yet no track record for the kind of friends he makes (all his friendships thus far have been through church and via my friendships with other mothers). I do know one thing about him, though, and it is this: he follows the crowd.

Here enters trepidation.

I praise the Lord that on Day One of school for him, I know his propensities and weaknesses. I know what to keep an eye on, and I can anticipate the kinds of conversations we will have. I will need to use words such as "leader" to describe him to himself and talk about standing strong in the face of temptation. They will be good mother-son conversations. I pray they would be filled with grace, compassion and hope.

Free Stuff Friday

2009-08-27T13:58:00.000-07:00

Diane Moore hosts a radio show weekdays from 1-2pm on 800AM KPDQ where she takes calls from parents asking for advice. This friday, every caller who asks a question gets a free gift. (The show is still pretty new so there are not many who call in yet... your chance of receiving a free something is pretty high.)

Imagine the possibilities... Books! Dinners Out! Trips to Disneyland! One Million Dollars! (we can dream...)

So think up a parenting question today, write it down on your kitchen white-board so you remember your question (and to help you remember to actually listen to the show).

Yesterday I called in because my son seems to have set up an idol in his heart. I asked her how I should guide him through the process of reinstating GOD to His rightful place in his heart, rather than the television. Her answer was helpful. Today she answered the question from another caller: "My two-and-a-half year old is playing games with me at naptime. How should I deal with the power struggle?" (I reworded the question to be concise, in case you were listening today...) Don't you wish you heard her answer to THAT ONE?!

As I was listening today, I thought tomorrow I might ask the question, "How do you talk your highly competitive son down from a frustrated tyrade when he does not score even one point while playing basketball with his older (taller, stronger) brother?"

Does that get your creative question-asking juices flowing?

Pretty Obtuse for this Blog

2009-08-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

Never have I been more entertained reading a recipe than I have by this one. I first heard of it (and saw the succulent pictures) on Ming's blog. Ming is my sister. She is not Chinese. Her name is actually Megan Nichole. And yes, the "H" belongs there. Of course it does. Our folks spelled my name Jenne with an "E" at the end - not a"Y" or "IE" like all the other Jenny's out there. So, why NOT put an "H" in Nicole?!

And the name "Ming" came into being by way of my children. Davis called her Meenie for the longest time. Pretty silly, since she doesn't have a "meanie" bone in her body. And Jackson tried to call her Meenie, but it always came out "Mingy" which was a huge hit with all the family when shortened to the Asian form, "Ming."

Even her husband calls her Ming. What percentage of the time do you refer to your beloved wife as "Megan," Okie? Dare I explain his nickname?

Last week, Weston called her "Megan" and we all stopped for a moment and wondered where on earth he heard that from. Like it is a dirty word or something. No worries. We corrected him: "Her name is Ming, sweetie."

Anyway, go enjoy the Ginger Steak Salad.

The Story Hour

2009-08-22T14:40:00.000-07:00

I have just found gold!! It is a website of free audio downloads... all are lovely children's stories! It is called The Story Home. There seems to be a nice mix of stories for both girls and boys.

I have downloaded a few so far:

The Frog Prince

The Steadfast Tin Soldier

George Washington's Shoes

The Tale of Peter Rabbit

M&Ms and Sheep

2009-08-19T18:37:00.001-07:00

I needed to borrow my Dad's Expedition for a couple of days while our van was in the repair shop. They are out of town so I took the liberty. I grabbed the keys from their kitchen counter and grabbed from a Costco-sized bag THE BIGGEST HANDFUL of M&Ms I could. Not being able to drive their unfamiliar big rig with only one hand, I looked for some place to set my copious number of candy-coated chocolates. Finding nothing ideal, I carefully placed them on the center consul and slowly, ever-so-slowly, drove off. Though my pile was large, I really did not want to lose even one.

Then I took my first turn and two started sliding. Risking life and limb (its a curvy driveway), I quickly placed my hand over the two rouge fellows in a protective move. Silly, I thought. I have so many. What's one or two less?

Then I took my second turn. And I lost one between the consul and my seat. Looking beside me, I could just see him peeking his little orange face up at me. I reached for him...but alas he disappeared into the crumbly, dusty place that is classic of a car's crevice. I mourned a moment (really, I did) and then I thought of the parable of the lost sheep. And I understood a little more about why the shepherd would leave his ninety-nine sheep in search of the lost one.

If I can mourn an M&M, how much more would He mourn an image-bearer?

Cultus 2009

2009-08-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

Another wonderful Cultus memory has been logged on the fingerprints of our family. This year was by far the most usual trip, as we went without my parents or my sister and her family. I have never gone without my folks. Though we missed them all dearly, we had an amazing time. It was incredible to experience Cultus all on our own. So,little five-year-old Jackson tried his hand at skiing. And he did great. He would get all geared up for it, all the equipment on, wanting so badly to keep up with big brother. And then just as the boat is pulling the rope taunt, you can hear him say, "Uh, I want to do this later. I will do it today, but just not now." And that is the point were we would say, "Here we go, sweetie! Hit it!" And he would hang on for dear life. When he was done he was beyond proud of himself.

And Davis promised Grandpa (who was not with us, remember) that he would "ski every day." And he kept to his word. He took that promise incredibly seriously. What is more, he decided that "the red skis" (smallest size, tied together, rope handle connected to them) were no longer for him. He was intent on mastering "the grey ones" that are significantly bigger and not tied together. Its a big jump to go to these ones. I was impressed by his tenacity and courage. I think he was too.
This is the only picture it seems I snapped of Baby D. He is army-crawling now, so I set up this play yard with a blanket below him and canopy above. He was pretty content. And when he wasn't, there were a number of arms holding him (thank you Pam, Dean et al!).

Dad let us take his boat up (another HUGE first) and Ryan was a master. He drove the truck and trailer like he had been doing it for years. He pulled up to buoys and docks like a super-cool dude. Just look at him. He is so groovy.

Though I would have preferred to be asleep, I did catch a sunrise one morning on my way to the outhouse.

And to keep the record straight, sleep was a bit elusive. But the baby was not the problem. He slept every camping night for 12 hours straight. Not a single night waking. Weston, on the other hand, was his regular self and woke up randomly several times each night. Jackson woke once to a full bladder and couldn't fall asleep again in the "big boy tent." He traded places with Ryan and slept much better that night. And yes, the two older boys slept in their own tent. I still can't believe they were willing to do that. Don't tell them this, but I would NEVER have slept in a tent without my parents. Not even into high school.

Our last day camping (the day we broke camp) it rained all day long. The kids hardly noticed and just played right through it. Fun to the last drop!

See you next year, Cultus!!

Don't Ask

2009-08-12T20:26:00.000-07:00

We have a walk-in pantry that houses just about everything under the sun from our thrice-used China dishes to a well-used child's magic set. This "pantry" is the place I toss things when I don't have a place, and a few food items here and there. The shelves are already full, so every new addition goes on the floor. You can imagine how well-organized it is. I usually have to step over a stack of paper plates, TV trays, and a breadmaker to access the playdough. After our Family Easter Gathering the room held the empty plastic Easter eggs that all the kids had hunted for (each egg at one time held two whole M&Ms). I think those eggs found their way up to the attic where they belong sometime late in June.

The impetus for cleaning out the floor of the pantry is usually one of two things:

1. I can't actually reach any of the shelves anymore, or
2. embarassment.

It is a good thing I have long arms and that I am not easily embarrassed because I don't re-organize this pantry often. But the good thing about this pantry (besides storing homeless items) is that it affords us some good photo opportunities for Weston.

I call this shot:

I Fwine-num! Em-em-ems!

If you look closely, you can see that every single egg has been pulled from its basket and opened. You see he has four eggs left in front of him to open and move to the "opened eggs" location. He is methodical, is he not? Perhaps he will enjoy organizing my pantry someday. He eventually found One Single M&M. He was ecstatic, yelling, "I fwine-em! I fwine-num em-em-em!"

And this one I call

Don't Ask

Yes. I know he is n*ked. No, I did not remember that I had not finished dressing him that morning. Oh well. Welcome to "four kids and a part-time job."

Diamond Lake Fun!

2009-08-12T12:23:00.001-07:00

Diamond Lake this year was a blast! We stayed longer than I have ever stayed, with fewer people that I have ever experienced. It was pretty much just our crazy family of six, plus Grandma and Grandpa Glover. We rode bikes, got dirty, swam, got dusty, roasted marshmellows (or as jackson calls it, "marshed some mellows"), got sticky, fished, got stinky, bathed, got filthy... etc., etc., etc.

The real bonus for me is the fact that I slept!! Do you remember last year?? I do.

Thank you, Doug and MaryAnn, for a wonderful trip together. Thanks for letting us hog your time all to ourselves. And thanks for cooking for us, and for watching the baby while we played.

How Do YOU Do This?

2009-07-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

It is one thing to pass our faith on to our children. It is yet another to pass our faith on to our grandchildren. That is not to say we parent two generations, but rather that we pass on our faith in such a strong, authentic, LIVING GOD way to our own children that they cannot help but pass that same faith onto their own kids.

This is on my mind today. If you were to give an answer to the question, "How does this look (or how do you imagine it could look) in your house?" what would you say? I'd really like to hear your thoughts.

Deuteronomy 6

1"Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the judgments which the LORD your God has commanded me to teach you, that you might do them in the land where you are going over to possess it,
2so that you and your son and your grandson might fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged.
3"O Israel, you should listen and be careful to do it, that it may be well with you and that you may multiply greatly, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.
4"Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!
5"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
6"These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.
7"You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
8"You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.
9"You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
10"Then it shall come about when the LORD your God brings you into the land which He swore to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you, great and splendid cities which you did not build,
11and houses full of all good things which you did not fill, and hewn cisterns which you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees which you did not plant, and you eat and are satisfied,
12then watch yourself, that you do not forget the LORD who brought you from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.
13"You shall fear only the LORD your God; and you shall worship Him and swear by His name.
14"You shall not follow other gods, any of the gods of the peoples who surround you,
15for the LORD your God in the midst of you is a jealous God; otherwise the anger of the LORD your God will be kindled against you, and He will wipe you off the face of the earth.
16"You shall not put the LORD your God to the test, as you tested Him at Massah.
17"You should diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God, and His testimonies and His statutes which He has commanded you.
18"You shall do what is right and good in the sight of the LORD, that it may be well with you and that you may go in and possess the good land which the LORD swore to give your fathers,
19by driving out all your enemies from before you, as the LORD has spoken.
20"When your son asks you in time to come, saying, 'What do the testimonies and the statutes and the judgments mean which the LORD our God commanded you?'
21then you shall say to your son, 'We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt, and the LORD brought us from Egypt with a mighty hand.
22'Moreover, the LORD showed great and distressing signs and wonders before our eyes against Egypt, Pharaoh and all his household;
23He brought us out from there in order to bring us in, to give us the land which He had sworn to our fathers.'
24"So the LORD commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God for our good always and for our survival, as it is today.
25"It will be righteousness for us if we are careful to observe all this commandment before the LORD our God, just as He commanded us.

If You've Noticed...

2009-07-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

If you have noticed, my activity and the types of entries to my blog have changed recently. It is not for lack of things to write about. I cannot tell you how many times I have had an "ah-ha moment" about one thing or another and thought, "I need to blog about this." But it is very clear to me that the Lord is asking me to button up. "Shh-shh-shh," He keeps saying.

My persepective or understanding on why, right now, He is asking me to just be quiet is that he is pruning me as a wife in deeper than usual ways. It is not painful (yet), just introspective and has actually given me great joy. I have delighted in what the Lord is teaching me in the conversations He and I have throughout the day. I love what I am learning and how gentlely He teaches me.

I am excited to share details with friends face-to-face (or in personal emails) about all that I am learning. The bloggy world, however, will just have to wait for His green light. In the mean time, I hope you enjoy updates on the family as I have time to post them!

The 4th, a bit delayed, but what's new...

2009-07-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

We were over at the Wilson's for the forth (along with 42 other people). We had a really nice time. Jen and Andy set things up to maximize the fun for the kids (and the grown Moffat twins), and the shade for the adults. (It was a HOT day!) A big highlight of the evening were the street fireworks. The stockpile of Oregon gun powder was pretty impressive. I think the dads lit of fireworks for 45 minutes straight. Man, oh, man did those dads have fun! Here is the line up of kids enjoying the fireworks. Twenty in all. A handful of babies were asleep inside, too...

My boys really enjoyed themselves. Look here at Davis. He was thrilled when one of the dads gave him this firework. Just look at his intensity. (Of course, if you know Davis at all, you know that there is more acting in that pose than true I'm-gonna-blow-something-up desire. He's got enough "Safety-Doug" in him to keep the whole family safe.

Anyway, he posed for this picture and then Ryan (or someone, I can't recall) lit it for him while it was still in his hand. He brought his arm back in a strong launching position and hollared, "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" and just about threw it with all his might. (Remember, there were 19 other kids here and there... throwing fireworks in this - or any - scenario is not real wise.) Just about every grown up there suddenly yelled, "NO! Don't throw it, Davis!!" He stopped, and his face said something like, "huh? What ELSE would I do with a grenade?"

And in true Davis fashion, he went from this pose, to the one you see below in a matter of 20 seconds. Can you say thespian?

Jackson was quite impressed by all the whirring, wizzing and popping of the fireworks. He sat pretty still, cheering from a safe distance like all the rest of the kids. Isn't the sky behind him beautiful (or as Weston would say, "bee-you-foo-foo")?

Thanks, Wilsons, for a fun party. I hope the clean up in the morning was not too bad for you. Church sure came early for our family after an 11:00PM bedtime... Glad it is just once a year!

A Totally Blogable Moment

2009-07-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

Picture this: I am sitting on the top step of our staircase, elbows resting on my knees, hair in a ponytail. Little Wet-den, as he calls himself, comes up from behind me, leans his body against my back and says, "here-ya-go, Mommy. Here-ya-go."

Next, I hear this familiar sound but I cannot immediately place it. I turn to stand and face his sweet little two-year-old self and realize that the "familiar sound" was kitchen scissors to my ponytail!!

I was so dumbfounded I just stood there, with my mouth gaping open trying to process what may have just happened. Stories from Ang's blog flashed in my head. Did I just enter a Window into their world??

My expression got him wondering, I guess, and so he asked: "Wut-da maddow, Mommy? Wut-da maddow?"

He was so innocently baffled as to my dumbfounded reaction that I could not be angry. He clearly thought he was being helpful. Thankfully, the damage amounts to about 50 hairs all about 2 inches long. Hardly noticable (so i think, anyway).

Safe to say that I will be somewhat more diligent about putting my scissors back where they belong...

Deception at the Paint Store

2009-07-02T19:41:00.000-07:00

We are painting the outside of our house this week (ok, someone is painting it for us...). This is not our first "paint the house" experience. The house we lived in previous to this one we managed to paint the color a clown would wear (bright, bright blue - see below). Originally it was even brighter than this picture shows but we brought the $300 worth of too-bright-blue paint back to the paint store and they were able to tone it down. I tell you the honest truth: that blue paint looked SO GREY in the paint store. I feared it would not have the "pop" I was looking for. That was only after we painted the entire back of the house. We then proceeded to repaint over the clowny blue but as you can see, our tone-down was STILL on the circus tent side. There is nothing GREY about this house color!! But we weren't going to paint the whole back side of our house for A THIRD TIME. So we just stuck with it. And so then, when it was all done, we and our neighbors "got used to it." When we needed to give people directions to our house we would say, "right turn on Orchard, and then look for the bright blue one. YA CAN'T MISS IT."

So, here we are, painting our "new" house (it is new to us, but going on 40 years old. Our blue house is newer and prettier, hands down, regardless of the color). And we wanted a very specific look. We studied color after color. We brought the swatches outside, in the sun, in the shade. We agonized over what the trim color should be. We played with swatch after swatch until it was just right. Though we were pretty sure it was what we wanted, we went ahead and bought sample cans. Deceived at the paint store again. So, 7 different samples later (at $5 a shot), we finally settled on "that perfect color" (plus a trim color to coordinate). But still none looked anything like what they seemed in the store. We finally ended up using our 7 different samples to mix our own color. Today, the front of the house is half painted and...

wait for it...

WE LOVE IT! (WHEW!)

I have been searching the archives looking for a "before" picture so you can appreciate the new look. You will just have to imagine the yucky blucky storm windows and blah yellow-tan paint job that is no more!

Observation

2009-06-30T16:57:00.000-07:00

Says the 5-year-old as we watches me prepare dinner...

"Mommy, since you can cook, you can be the cooker. Yeah. Mommies are the cookers. And Daddies are 'the gone-ers."

Dats so Fwunny!

2009-06-25T21:54:00.000-07:00

We officially hit "the twos" last week. Yes, my darling silent and compliant child has discovered new octives and decibles with which to communicate his displeasure.

On the other hand, he does make me smile and laugh so much. I think, for everyone's sanity, I need to dwell on "the real Weston" for a while so that I don't get discouraged by this phase of child development. I will start with the funny additions of the sound "fffffff" to many words where "fffff" does not belong (like, for instance, replacing the 's' for an 'f' in "soccer." Yikes), and the wwww sound in any number of words that actually need an rrrrr sound. Its adorable, and this phase of language development passes by so fast.

So, we hear West call Baby Drake "Be-be Fwake," and we hear him say "I fwopped a foon. You ged-it uh fwoon fow me, Mommy?" (I dropped a spoon. Will you get it, the spoon, for me Mommy?") "I neen a fwink-a watow" (I need a drink of water). "Oh dere it is. I fwine it."

I tease sometimes - he doesn't get the joke, though - and ask him, "Did Baby Fwake fwop a fwabberry? Dats Fwunny!!"

He still gets stuck in counting his way up to ten... one, two, free, four, five, fwix, fweben... he hits seven and then goes back to "fwix" and continues the countdown. He ends it with a resounding, "BWAS-TOFF!!"

He calls himself "Wet-den." His current favorite DVRed show is "Fwooper Why."

He has also added to his repetoire of phrases:
"No-a hit a-gack" and "obey a-Mommy da fwerst time" and "Daz MINE!" (do any of these need translation?)

He uses the word "so" often. "I'm SO cold!" "Dats SO fwunny" "I'm SO hung-gy."

He tells this joke, exactly like this:
Weston: nah-nok!
ME: Who's there?
Weston: inr-wruptin cow - MOOOOO! (Its particularly funny because he doesn't get it that he is supposed to wait for me to ask "Interrupting Cow, who?" before interrupting me with the loud "Moo." He just goes right into the big, huge, loud "MOOOO!" and then cracks himself up. And then we all laugh, too, because he is laughing so hard. The big boys have made up a game when he tells this joke where they try to - as quick as they can - say "interrupting cow who?" before he get's his "Moo" out. Its impossible to beat his Moo, but they try anyway. And we all laugh a little harder.

And speaking of laughing, for effect when Weston laughs, sometimes he gets on his knees and pound-pound-pounds his fist on the floor with laughter (can you picture that?). It's fwunny.

Going On Ahead

2009-06-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

I fall into a strong temptation as I peruse the blogosphere. Perhaps the scenario is familiar to you as well: I love reading about how some of you out there are running your lives. The details of how you home school, the descriptions of your family life, the . You follow a blog or six long enough and you really get a picture for the vision each family has. One blog that I love to follow is my friend Kristy, who home schools her girls. She and her husband are living their lives on a farm of their own making and have a strong passion for raising their kids to love and serve the Lord. Another blog I enjoy is Joy's. She and her husband are missionaries in Indonesia. You catch very quickly their vision for how they want to raise their kids and the specific values they are passig down. And then there are the random links I follow to other blogs on occasion, where I take a quick glimpse into the lives of people I have never - and likely will never - meet.

You might think that the temptation I am about to talk about is "spending too much time in the blog world." While that is something I must monitor closely, the temptation I am speaking of is much more sinister.

As a result of my own thinking, planning and praying (with the extremely helpful input from my blog community) I have a solid, Biblical idea of how to best raise up my four boys so that they will love and be effective for the Lord in all they do. I am so thankful for all the wonderful (really, truly WONDERFUL) ideas out there that have helped me form a vision for the kind of boys I want to raise - and how to do it.

"Ah," You say, "Why Jenne, I had no idea you were a single mom." Single Mom? What gave you that idea? Oh, I see that I HAVE given you that idea because that is how I am pursuing our family vision: as though I am the one to set it and pursue it.

In all my reading, planning and praying, I mistakenly consult the blogopshere rather than my husband! And as I march on ahead with what I believe to be "clearly the best vision" under which to raise these boys, I have marched right on ahead of my husband. Up until last week, Ryan and I had never even discussed this together - I had never asked him what his vision for our family is! I must have thought that a.) he could read my mind or b.) he couldn't possibly have a vision or c.) he wouldn't be interested in what the vision is (afterall, its my job to raise the kids anyway). Maybe it is a strong combination of all three options. Oh what a fool I have been!

You might not be surprised that the discussion came up as we were reviewing how baseball season went. We all had a lot of fun, but I was sharing my thoughts about how sports were not really going to serve to accomplish the goals "we" have toward raising these boys for the Lord. And my dear husband was quick to gently correct me. As he described HIS vision for our boys, I realized my foolishness. Please note that the point is not about who is right or wrong, or whose vision is better. I would have liked to argue with him that my vision is more godly than his. I would have liked to make clear to him how I have thoughtfully, carefully considered all that there is to consider. (And OOOOhhhh am I good at making myself heard in this arena!) But the Lord closed my lips and spoke to me loud and clear: I must begin pursuing Ryan's vision for our family. The nuances of that vision can be up for discussion later, but before I have any ground to stand on in such a discussion, I need to come under my husband's leadership. No more going on ahead of my husband - not even in the name of "godliness" because there is nothing godly about ignoring or failing to consult the head of the family.

I suppose you will find it ironic that all these thoughts were made clearer to me through a blogger who wrote this post by, yes, someone I have never and will never meet. Go figure.

Mighty Powerful

2009-06-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

Photographs cannot capture the height, depth and breadth of nature. The most beautiful sunset in all the world put on photopaper is just another sunset. Breathtaking snow-peaked mountains are made small. The photographs we took of the waterfalls we saw last week are the same: they are NOTHING compared to standing next to the real thing, hearing the noise and sensing the power of the furiously pounding water. It was truly something to behold.

As I was standing there with my oldest nearby I said, "It's so powerful! Whenever I see things like this it reminds me of how powerful God is. You know?"
"Uh huh," was his uninterested response.
"How crazy would it be to be inside that waterfall-or underneath it! I mean, it could hurt you really bad because it is so powerful."
"Yeah!" he said with excitement (stuff like that fuels my boys). "It could probably KILL YOU!"
I echoed his enthusiasm with a resounding,"Oh TOTALLY!" And then, "This waterfall may be powerful but its NOTHING compared to the power of God. God made it and to Him it is just a drop. It does not even come close to God's power!"
"Well I better not mess around with God, then."
"Seriously! You got that right. That's what the Bible means when it says we should fear the Lord. Its not that we should be afraid like He's a monster or something its that we need to realize just how big and powerful and mighty God is..."

I wanted to continue with the theology lesson but determined in my heart that we would need to return to another waterfall in a future spring. There is so much more to consider! There is so much more to understand, like how God has the great power to crush but in that great power He has great control and patience. OH! If my boys (or I!!) could grasp just a sliver of what this waterfall represents it could revolutionize everything we did and thought.

You just don't want to mess around with the Almighty.

Wuzzup!

2009-06-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know. "Wuzzup" is so four years ago but hey - I'm in my mid-thirties. And plus I'm a dork. (Just ask my sister's husband.)

This post is dedicated to catching you all up on our happenings since this started:

(Isn't he a stud?)

In between innings, we took a few trips. The first was to San Fran, just Ryan and I. (I still kick myself for not remembering our camera... we bought a tossable 35mm dinosaur. The pictures are still waiting to be picked up at Walgreens. I wonder how many will turn out?

The following weekend we made it up to Long Beach for our annual trip with Ryan's side of the family. I made brief mention of this trip in this post, if you are interested. Here is Grandma and Grandpa with nearly all the grandkids.

And then last weekend we were at Black Butte with my side of the family. It was four nights all crammed into a house that used to fit us all just fine... but it is amazing how much more room you need with the addition of six little bodies. Our four boys plus cousins Jenna and Elsie have so much fun together. The trip consisted of biking, hiking (the highlight for me), swimming, and game playing. Grandma Jeanette comes with us every year - what a treat to be with her. This year she had little Drake in her room. He woke up nearly every night for one reason or another and she selflessly took care of his needs. Thank you Grandma!!

Now take a look at these two sweeties. From the looks of these pictures you would think they were just the best of friends. Megan and I have every reason to believe that that will someday be true. But just not quite yet. OH MY GOODNESS how they push each other's buttons! No matter what one was playing with, the other wanted it. And when that item was handed over in favor of some other toy, suddenly THAT NEW toy was the one to argue over. I cannot count how many times we heard Weston yell, "MINE!" and "Ewsie take aw ub bum!" Megan and I pretty much have to monitor every minute of their play together. This too shall pass, and best of friends they shall be!

And speaking of Weston, check out how DIRTY he got last week. He was playing in mud that D and J were making with the hose in the blueberry patch. He was in heaven! (Notice, if you will, that he is actually in jammies... yes, sometimes it happens that he spends all day wearing dinosaurs on his drawers.

And finally, a short update on the baby. Drake is just such an easy, wonderful baby. He is sleeping 12+ hours a night, is very flexible when we need to mess with his schedule (how else could he have survived baseball season?). He has been rolling from tummy to back for a few weeks and just this week he began rolling - quite on accident - the other way. He is a smiler, always up for playing, and loves it when anyone interacts with him. I just LOVE this little guy!!

Oh Dear!

2009-06-07T20:47:00.000-07:00

We just returned from a wonderful family vacation to find something peculiar in our garden.

What used to look something like this:

Now look like this!

There are three walking pieces of venison that I would like to have a word with...

Dry Run

2009-06-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

Summer is fast approaching. With one in school and the others still preschoolers, I am hardly well-versed at "how to do summer vacation well."
I have a few goals for my soon-to-be second-grader, and my nearly-kindergartner LOVES academic worksheets, math flashcards and reading lessons (how woulda thunk THAT one?) so I want to start the summer running with a new morning routine that mimicks what I imagine homeschool would look like in our house, should we ever go that route.

Wake up
Breakfast
Get dressed & ready for the day
(so far, this is nothing new)
Chores
Homework
Play-play-play!

On Memorial Day we did a "Dry Run," where I gave the kids a taste of what the summer mornings would be like. It was abbreviated and a bit rocky, but the expectations are now set for the older two and I am (nearly) ready with the new, "enhanced" (read: longer!) chore lists.

There is still a little bit of time before school ends, so if this idea gets you all excited, make a plan for this saturday. Or, if you don't have school-aged kids yet, YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!

I highly recommend the Expectation-setting Dry Run a week or so before you make the change. Happy thinking!

That's NOT FAIR!

2009-05-31T21:35:00.000-07:00

I have a certain middle child that has been coming to me (with increasing frequency) with this arms crossed, bottom lip protruding and eyes angry saying, "How come I didn't get a ____" or "Why did (brother) get one and I didn't?!" Its enough to drive this mother up the wall. Said child is obsessed with fairness as of late. Before evaluating whether or not the amount of pretzels in front of him is satisfactory for his hunger level, his eyes are on his brothers' pretzel piles and no matter how many are in front of him, AUTOMATICALLY his pile is less than his brothers'. And then the protruding lip, angry eyes and crossed arms are back. With gritted teeth, I might say something like "finish what you have in front of you and if you are still hungry, there are plenty more." I'd be lying if I said I have never lost it in this scenario. It is all I can do to allow him to keep even ONE pretzel. Every ounce of me wants to show him who's boss. "You think you have less? Alright, I'LL SHOW YOU LESS," swiftly grabbing up and dumping the food for which he was so ungrateful.

I have a thing about fairness issues: I am of the opinion that if someone is claiming that something is not fair, no matter how you try to prove how it actually is fair, that person will not be convinced. You may have 100 reasons for each person got what they got; you can count every raisin in front of each sibling; you can set a timer so each turn is ex.act.ly even, but if a child (or adult!) is of the mind that things are not fair, you will not win. There is always a reason why it is STILL not fair. So I have a policy of NOT being fair. Okay, okay, I did make sure each kid (who is old enough to care) had the same number of presents under the tree. And I am guilty of keeping Spiderman paraphernalia equally distributed among the sizes. And I do try to generally make things fair whenever possible. But what I don't do is get into arguments or discussions of fairness. If a child is claiming unfairness, I usually try and focus that child on what they can be thankful for.

HOWEVER, this method is not clicking and the current unfairness bombardment is more than this mamma can take. That is, until today when I had a wonderful ah-ha moment: Oh my. He doesn't trust me. He doesn't trust me. Here's what lead to that epiphany:
He came stomping up the stairs having seen his brother eating a banana: "How come DAVIS gets a banana and NOT ME?!?!?" he said, complete with his standard lip-eyes-arms stance.
(Deep breath, momma. Don't blow...) "Sweetie, when you say things like that," (I imitate him to-a-tee, at this point) you are only causing yourself trouble. When you say things like that (I imitate his words and stance again) does mommy ever give you what you want?"
Angrier eyes coming my way. More deep breathing by Mommy. Lord, help me keep the tone kind and gentle.
"The reason Davis got a banana is because he asked for one. Maybe if YOU asked for one in a kind manner, I might give one to you also. What do you think?"
Shoulder shrug. "Can I please have a banana?"
My face lit up and I handed him a banana. "Little guy, I love to give you the things you want and need. All you need to do is ask, OK?"

When he walked away, I could tell that something new had clicked for him. For that I am thankful. Even more, I am thankful that something clicked for me. He is assuming (right or wrong) that I am going to slight him every chance I get. Here is my opportunity to really build up trust between the two of us. Rather than be frustrated by his angry assumptions, I can and will be patient with him, rehearsing with him all the ways I love to care for his needs (and how he must make proper requests). When he trusts me to care for him like I care for his brothers, I suspect that he will stop focusing on fairness, resting in the knowledge that no matter what others get, meeting his unique needs is paramount to his mommy.

A Lesson in Humiliation

2009-05-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

Last week, while sitting on the stands at the baseball field, I listened while a mother humiliated her little girl. I wanted to jump up and pull that mother aside so she could see what was really happening, but instead I knew I could only sit there, with a stomach ache, and wait until it was all over.

The girl, who was about ten, was being accused to going on their home computer and googling a phrase that was (apparently) s*xual in nature. The little girl was horrified that she had been discovered and was flat out denying that it was her. Mom was insisting that it was her and giving her proof by explaining how she can look up the history of internet searches to see where her daughter had been. "I know you did this! But it doesn't matter! It's fine to be interested in this stuff. its totally normal! If you are curious about that sort of thing, you just have to ask." The girl kept on saying, "I'm not curious! It was an accident! I didn't mean to! I typed the wrong thing!" Mom kept on insisting, "I know you did this and it is normal to be curious!"

The girl eventually put her fingers in her ears so she could block out her mom and the whole conversation. The message was sent loud and clear by mom: I am right, you are wrong. I am not to be trusted with your heart.

I can just imagine the scenario that lead up to the google search (and I can imagine it because I remember being a clueless kid when it came to this stuff): The little girl hears some phrase in the gym that "all" the other kids understand but she is clueless about. She laughs along with the other kids, pretending to have a clue while at school but then goes home to figure out what in the world those kids were talking about. She probably has a guess as to the fact that it is s*xual, or at least embarrassing, so she is ashamed to ask mom about it. So she launches a Google search on the subject matter and is even more embarrassed when she discovers what her classmates were talking about. She probably does not know what to do with the information in her head, and is probably ashamed, wishing she never looked it up or learned it - I remember wishing for my innocence back as soon as I learned stuff like this from peers. Her shame is furthered when Mom accuses her of looking it up, insisting that she wanted to know all about that subject matter while in truth, her interest rested in knowing what they were referring to, not in the subject matter itself. (Do you get the distinction? She heard a word and wanted a definition, rather than was introduced to an experience and wanted to learn all the ins and outs.)

The mom's intentions were really good, but she was so argumentative with her daughter that she completely missed a golden opportunity. The poor girl was so humiliated by her mother that it would take a miracle for her to ever come to her mom with further questions. My guess is that she will simply look for a sneakier way to gain knowledge. My heart broke for that girl.

As I was listening and imagining all this, I was keenly aware of the lesson I could gain from one mom's error in judgment.
1. Never, never, never talk about or infer s*x with your child in a public setting.
2. Never accuse your child of being interested in knowing about s*x. "I know you want to know more about it!" (Those were literally some of the words I heard from this mom.) My gut says this will mortify your child and stifle any hope of conversation.
3. Don't argue about non-essentials. As soon as that child denied the google search, mom should have made sure her daughter thought her mom believed her. 'You didn't? Ok. I believe you. If you ever wonder about things that just ask, ok?" We don't want our kids to lie, but in this scenario you don't want to miss the forest for the trees! Let the lie go (it is obviously only covering up embarrassment) in order to build trust in your child in a different and difficult area.
4. Invite your child in to a conversation but don't force them. Matters of the heart take time. So much thinking and processing happens in the quiet moments of the child's heart. You can't rush this process or these conversations. You have to be willing to start and stop them based on the cues your child is giving. So if they are defensive at all, it is time to humbly end it in a way that makes your child know that they are safe to bring it up again.
5. And since the matters of heart take time, start slow and early!

I wonder how applicable this will be in my pursuit to raise BOYS?

I'm Back?

2009-05-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

Has it really been two weeks since my last post? heavens!!

Life has been full and busy. Ryan has been covering for his full-time therapist (working something like 65+ hours a week) for the past 5 weeks, we opened our forth location, switched billing companies (a HUGE change in the medical field!!), and adopted a new scheduling program. Baseball has been in full force (remember me mentioning 5 nights a week of baseball? We are ALMOST done with this crazy but FUN sport). Ryan and I took a quick weekend to San Francisco (forgot our camera, but as it turns out Karina was there on the same weekend and took pictures from many of the same places we went to and did many of the same things we did, so if want to know all about our trip, hop over to her blog and just imagine my face where ever you see hers). And finally last weekend we took a trip over to Long Beach for a marvelous family get-away.

Highlights from that trip would be the 12 mile bike ride we took with Davis and Jackson (Weston went too but was a passenger on the back of my bike). D and J were amazing troopers, never once complaining - only begging us to "keep going!!" It was a fun-filled weekend with swimming, kite-flying, digging in the sand, and playing with cousins.

We are just about done with this little season of life - just in time for summer, I suppose, when blogging gets a little hit-or-miss.

Anyway, I thought I would at least let you know I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I am here, and I am (nearly) back!

And the winner is...

2009-05-08T21:19:00.000-07:00

Tricia!
I'll bring the book to church when it arrives!

Wacky, Wonderful Weston

2009-05-06T21:45:00.000-07:00

This post is all Weston. He is SERIOUSLY the cutest thing on wheels. I mean we are talking INTENSE CUTENESS.

His "Curious George" way of communicating (a series of uh-uh-uh-UH-uh-uhuhuh-uh sounds, accompanied by LOTS of pointing and hand motions and facial expressions) has given way to a non-stop talker/singer. I just have-to share his cuteness with my bloggy world.

(Each video is only 30 seconds long or less.) Enjoy!

Weston's love affair with SuperWhy

Weston counts NOT to 10

Weston sings Happy Birthday

Book Giveaway!

2009-05-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

Make your own list (1-3 or more) that is suggested in the bottom of the previous post and then come back and leave a comment to tell me you did. One person will be the lucky winner of her own copy of The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. (If you already own it you could always give it away to a friend.)

Winner announced May 8th!

Bitter?

2009-05-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

Probably one of the hardest things to overcome in marriage is bitterness. When he has done things that have hurt you (whether he meant to or not) and you have stored those things your heart, bitterness takes root and grows. You may or may not recognize what you are feeling as bitterness but if you are angry or resentful of your husband, that is bitterness. The Bible says that we need to but away bitterness and put on forgiveness. (Eph. 4:31-32).

Reading through the book The Excellent Wife Martha Peace gives examples of what bitterness sounds like. Some of the bitter thoughts are so bitter "Oh, I am so thankful I haven't said that," I said to myself in pride as I read. However I was humbled when I read the contrasting "forgiveness" thoughts because they are hard to say! Have I gone so far as to say the forgiving things? Am I willing?

Here is a short list of what she calls bitter thoughts and the contrasting tenderhearted, forgiving thoughts. I appreciated looking through the list to recognize where I have allowed bitterness to take hold.

Bitter Thoughts

Kind, Tenderhearted,

Forgiving Thoughts

He doesn't love me, he only loves himself

He does not show love as he should

but his capacity to love can grow

I do so much for him and
look what I get in return!

I wonder if I can do something

differently to make it easier for him.

I can't believe what he
decided. How ridiculous!

Maybe he has information I don't have.

I can't believe what
he has done to me!

What he has done is difficult but

God will give me the grace to get through it.

He'll never change.

By God's grace, he can change.

He should have known better.

How can he possibly know?

I've never told him. He can't

read my mind

(from The Excellent Wife, p. 94-95)

I wrote much of this post in the 24 hours before church today. And I was doing a little bit of editing in the hour before we needed to head out the door. I had the opportunity right then to actually practice replacing my bitter thought: "I can't believe he pulled tools out to get mmore of that project done. Why isn't he helping me get the kids ready and in the car! Can't he see how much I am struggling to manage all four of them? (Plus I am blogging about something that he should appreciate!) Can't he see we are going to be late again?!" with a tenderhearted thought: "I know that he only has a few hours today to get this project done and when Sunday is over, he has 12 hour days ahead of him all week long. He is feeling the pressure to finish up today so he can focus on work - and Little League- the rest of the week. When I stepped outside myself and thought of him rather than myself, I found that I was really grateful for how hard he was working to complete that project. Had I focused on my needs instead, I would have caused unnecessary conflict that morning (not to mention made it diffcult for the both of us to enjoy church because of the fight we would have most certainly had).

By replacing my bitter thoughts with tenderhearted, forgiving thoughts I blessed THE BOTH OF US. As cheesy as it may sound, by thinking not of myself, I suddenly found myself so grateful for Ryan, so blessed by him. Only the power of the Holy Spirit can do such a thing. If you struggle with bitter thoughts I encourage you to seek the Lord in prayer and ask Him to help you. Martha Peace suggests making a list of those bitter thoughts word-for-word and then writing next to each a new tenderhearted, forgiving thought that you can rehearse instead (she also suggests literally burning the bitter thoughts list so no other eyes fall upon it). When you make it a habit to replace the selfish, sinful thoughts with God-glorifying thoughts it will become increasingly easy to do.

Challenged? I am!!

Book Giveaway coming...!

Read-read-read-read-read to your kids!!

2009-05-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

You just HAVE TO jump over to Randy's blog today. You will find an encouraging shove to read to each of your children.
Now is the time!
This is the day!!

For a great list of books (not just from me but from a bunch of people who commented) click here and then if you are local go here to reserve one or two at the library!

A Sea of Stuffies and a Hoarder

2009-04-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

I am a bit tired of picking up stuffed animals. One of my children has a real obsession with them. (Did you know boys could be like that? I didn't.) The animals seem to be having babies or something because they are multiplying.

To complicate this growing problem, that same child has recently entered a "please-please-please don't put it in the garbage" phase. Everything from scraps of paper to broken toys that are tossed in the trash is very disconcerting for him. A couple of nights ago he came out of his room (after being put to bed) with HUGE tears welling up in his sweet little eyes. What was the matter? He was very concerned about the tracing paper that his older brother had thrown away earlier that day. The paper was all drawn on and has served its purposes well and the artist himself had decided it was time to toss them. As far as I knew, my little hoarder never even knew the drawings existed until we went to throw it away. He came out of his room clutching the garbage can. I could see his panic rising.

Not that I want to always take to throwing everything away (that's wasteful), but it is nice to give things away, recycle, and, yes, toss. But to him, it is all the same: if it leaves the house to not return, it is painful. "Where is it going, Mom?" "Will it EVER come back?" "Where does the garbage truck take it?"

So with a child who can't part with trash, how am I to control the stuffed animal overpopulation and the mounting scraps of scribbled-on paper? Two words: NEGOTIATION (he is an incredible negotiator, BTW) and PERGATORY.

NEGOTIATION:
We lined up all his animals and I told him he could keep two of them and the rest would go "on vacation." (In our house, when a toy goes on vacation it is stored in a bin for a while and then later brought back out.) His eyes lit up knowing he would not lose anything. My little negotiator talked me into doubling the number of stuffed animals he could keep. Eh, I'm a pushover. Actually, I let him know that so long as he was able to manage all four and I was not always stepping over them or picking them up, four would be fine. (I have Diane Moore to thank for that idea.)

What my little sweetie does not know is that this vacation is really more of a PERGATORY. Today, while at his T-Ball game, I scoured the big boys' room. All the trinkets and junk and random collections and extra stuffed animals were sorted through. Much of it was placed in a big box that I marked PERGATORY. If either of my children say, "Mom, do you know where my ____ went?" I can say, "Hummmm, I will keep my eye out for it," and then pull the missed item out of the box a little later. But all THE OTHER not-so-missed items can stay put. At some point, I will trash/give away the contents of that box... when I am fairly certain it is safe to do so.

Honestly, I am "a tosser" and I would rather just send it to the curb right now but out of respect for my kids, I need to not just toss what might be precious to them. I will tread lightly (especially while my one child is in such a "keep it!!" phase) and recognize that while their things might not have value in my eyes, they are valuable in theirs. And that is enough reason to keep something around... for now.

Ouch!

2009-04-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

I shared with you earlier that I have been reading a great book on marriage. I am reading it REALLY s.l.o.w.l.y. Wanna know what is hitting me most?

Here is what I read today:

" 'Allison's' deepest heart's desire is for her husband to make her feel a certain way. Her desires are not necessarily bad. The problem, however, is when they become more important to her than a pure devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ. Whenever a wife sets her heart on her husband behaving a certain way, she will likely end up disappointed, frustrated, and hurt. A primary clue to recognize that a heart's desire has become an idol (something more important to her than delighting in and serving God), is that the wife is willing to sin in order to attain that desire. Instead of setting her heart on her husband, Allison's deepest desires should be the same as those of the Psalmist in Psalm 119. He desired, sought after, and longed after God with all his heart." (The Excellent Wife, Martha Peace, p65)

Possible Idolatrous/Lustful Desires
1. That my husband will be affectionate.
2. That he will anticipate my needs without my asking.
3. That he will give me compliments.
4. That he will make me feel special.
5. That he will not hurt my feelings.
6. That he will talk to me and share his thoughts and feeings.
7. That he will put me first.
(The Excellent Wife, Martha Peace, p68-69)

So, I won't say outloud which number is the one I struggle with most, but just know that my struggle is listed above!

Right Desires
1. That I may know God's Word and obey it.
2. That I may delight in Him.
3. That I may seek Him with all my heart.
4. That I may be pleasing to Him regardless of my circumstances.
5. That I may cultivate an attitude of joy and gratitude in what God is doing in my life no matter what my husband does or does not do.
6. That I may have joy in God deciding how my life and circumstances can glorify Him the most, that He can use me for His glory.
(The Excellent Wife, Martha Peace, p69)

Martha lists six things that we wives can do to set our minds on things above. Come back later this week and I will have them for you!

Here's Your Coffee, Mommy!

2009-04-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

Last week, my oldest son woke up early and, yup, made me a cup of coffee.

The next day, boy #2 was on the counter, looking for the coffee beans to grind. And for no other reason than they know how much I love my morning coffee. What a blessing these boys are to me.

My Main Ministry: Ryan

2009-04-21T18:29:00.000-07:00

I have been convicted lately to look carefully at how I am doing in terms of my marriage. I spend a TON of time thinking about how I can be a better mom but not nearly enough energy considering where I might improve my ministry to my husband.

I have a book on my bookshelf, The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, that I read about 5 years ago. And I have known for a while that it is time to pick it up again and do a personal "check up." It is so interesting what stuck out at me five years ago verses what is sticking out this time. My initial read-through of this book gave me permission to follow and submit to Ryan, even when I thought I had a better (read: right) way to do things. I honestly thought that if I had a better idea than him, that it would be wrong to follow his lead... that I was supposed to "follow" my spiritual leader, so long as he was spiritually leading well. After reading the book 5 years ago, I learned that I needed to follow and submit to his leadership regardless of his ability to lead, and regardless of whether or not I had a better idea. This revolutionized my concept of submission in a really good way. I saw that it was not my responsibility to make sure we were doing the best thing. What freedom I found in letting that go!

In my current read-through of this great book, one sentence has really impacted me more than any other (so far):
God's will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband.
This is something I have known for a long time but it is sinking deep into my fibers this time. Am I running my hours, days, weeks, and months as though this is what I believe? What am I doing that communicates this truth? If I am doing something intentional to minister to Ryan, is it something Ryan actually values, or is it something I merely THINK he values?

I am convicted to answer these questions. I want Ryan to believe that he has no bigger advocate on earth than his wife; No more enthusiastic cheerleader than the woman he married.

Have you given this any thought? I know that for a long time I felt like I could not be the kind of godly wife I was supposed to be "because he...". I played a blame game, believing that my role was stifled when he did not fulfill his role. Martha's book reminds me that there is only one thing that keeps me from being a godly wife: my own sin. One sin I see I have committed over and over again is the presumption that God will help me even when I am neglecting His truth. Why would God answer my cry for help when I am using my tongue to cut Ryan down, or allowing my mind to dream what it would be like "if only..."

Martha's answer to this problem: Because God has so richly provided for a Christian wife in her battle against sin, she is without excuse. Her loving, merciful, and holy God has truly provided everything she needs to become a godly wife - to become the excellent wife that God wants her to be. And even when she falls short, she can be forgiven. 'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness' (1 John 1:9).

I want my life and my relationship with my husband to glorify You, Jesus!

How Are We Doing

2009-04-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

Thank you so, so much for everyone who praised the Lord right along side us after our scary bathtub incident. Many people have asked how we are doing so I thought I would answer that question here as well.

As frightening as it was to have it happen, Jackson does not seem to realize just how serious the incident was. I asked him if he thought about it much and he said no, not at all. I, on the other hand, have relived it many times. Though my tears have dried up, I get a nervous pit in my stomach still when I find myself with a quiet moment. Mostly, though, we have all just moved on as normal.

I have alerted the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Please pass our experience on to as many people as possible.

Thanks to everyone for your care and concern for our family, and for your prayers!

We Almost Lost Him Today

2009-04-16T15:25:00.001-07:00

We have one of those bath toy holders that is a net with two suction cups to stick it to the side of the tub. Today I cut the suction cups off of it and if you have one, I hope you follow suit.

You see, this morning, while taking his bath, Jackson took that net (which was not attached to the tub wall), held it by the two suction cups and put it around the back of his neck - so it laid on his back like a cape. He then dunked his head underwater to see how long he could hold his breath for, and suctioned those cups to the bottom of the tub. When he tried to come up for air, he was stuck underwater. He pulled against the suction with his neck so hard that he has a rope burn on his neck. By God's Tender Mercy, he was able to get a breath and call for help. I came running, only to find him back under water.

He was already starting to inhale water into his lungs. I quickly figured out the problem and released the suction.

He is a very independent bather. He is 5, after all. All day today I have run through the what if's: What if I had been drying my hair in the other bathroom. What if I had gone downstairs for something and could not hear his call for help. What if...

I have cried many times today, thankful to have received such mercy, thankful for the Lord's rescue. This could have been "that day" that changed the rest of our family's life. Just moments away...

Thank you, Lord, for sparing my son. My sweet, wonderful Jackson Douglas

I Don't Want to Forget

2009-04-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

Little Language-less Weston is finally bursting with words. He is copying tons of things we say, just to try and see if he can say it. You really don't know how much a kid is absorbing until he finally busts out with a sackful of words. Like, the other day when I was not sure where Jackson was... We were all outside and it was time to go, "Jackson!" I called. Weston, who playing outside as well, looked up at me, pointed to Jackson and said, "Ah Kip!" And indeed, he was chatting with our neighbor Skip. I was astounded that he knew Skip's name. Its not like he has seen him much this winter.

So here is my little list (that promises to grow, if I can just remember to write it down):

wa, do, tee, wa, dive! (1,2,3,4,5!)
I pay gay-gay (translation: I want to play with My First LeapPad cartridge "Jay-Jay the Jetplane")
hey doo-en? (translation: How are you doing, or what are you doing)
Wets doe De-De, wets doe! (Let's go Davis, let's go! - think baseball dugout chant, here)
bok-ki-ki (brocoli)
Oh my goog-guk, La-La! (Oh my goodness, Lindy!)
Ah wee hop-op-hop (Translation: I want you to read me the book Hop on Pop)
Bobby geans (jelly beans)

My Cleaning Schedule

2009-04-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

By request, I post my declutter/cleaning schedule!

To create this, I sectioned my house off into 5 zones and assigned each region a day
1. Monday - Living room, Hallway & Stairs
2. Wednesday - Bathrooms
3. Thursday - Kitchen, Dining room & Family Room
4. Friday - Playroom
5. Saturday - Bedrooms

On Tuesday (notice it is missing from above), I take care of laundry for the week and do miscellaneous chores. Sunday I don't have any chores assigned. The goal is to have that be a rest day, or at least a catch-up day if it was a crazy week.

I work part-time, plus my husband works late many nights so I need to have enough energy to put all the kids to bed when he can't be there so rather than try to clean it all in one week, I give myself two weeks. I also switch it up so that the harder chores (like mopping the floors in the living room) don't fall in the same week.

Lastly (and here is my favorite part), now that the kids are trained on how to do these things, the actual amount of time spent cleaning is about 30 minutes or significantly less. Not bad! Oh, and since you will see that I rely upon the kids quite a bit to help, the counter in the bathroom, for instance, is not perfectly wiped, nor is the mirror wiped perfectly clean. But that is not the point in inviting the kids in on this part of being a family.

WEEK ONE

Monday: LIVING ROOM, HALLWAY & STAIRS
"Sweep, Mop & Wipe Day"
Jackson - put up all toys, misc things in prep for vacuumming; wipe glass tables, sweep hallway
Davis - vacuum carpet, sweep stairs and landing
Mom - Mop hallway, stairs & landing

Tuesday: LAUNDRY
"Laundry Day & Misc Chores"
Jackson & Davis - empty all trash cans, sort/put away kids clean laundry, round up and put away all outside toys
Mom - Laundry & misc chores or catch-up on cleaning that got missed

Wednesday: BATHROOMS
J - wipe sinks & counters
D - wipe toilets, bring in garbage and recycling bins from curb
M - scrub tub & sweep/mop floors in main bath

Thursday: KITCHEN, DINING & FAMILY ROOM
"Declutter & Dust Day"
J - dust TV stand
D - dust bookshelf
M - clear off kitchen hot spot, dust TV and high bookshelves, declutter
All - clean windows

Friday: PLAYROOM
"Dust & Declutter Day"
J - put toys away
D - sort toys into proper bins
M - declutter high shelves, sweep & dust

Saturday: BEDROOMS
"Change Sheets Day"
D&J - clear floor
All - strip beds
All - make beds

Sunday: REST!

WEEK TWO

Monday: LIVING ROOM, HALLWAY & STAIRS
"Declutter & Dust Day"
J - dust railing, sweep stairs & landing
D - put away toys, dust desk, window sills, fireplace & tables
M - declutter

Tuesday: LAUNDRY
"Laundry & Misc Chores"
D&J - empty all trash cans, sort & put away kids clean laundry, de-spiderweb porch/decks
M - laundry, sweep front porch &/or decks

Wednesday: BATHROOMS
J - wipe toilets
D - wipe sinks & counters, bring in recycle bins
M - Scrub shower, sweep & wipe floors in master bath

Thursday: KITCHEN, DINING & FAMILY ROOM
"Sweep & Mop Day"
J - pick up all toys, socks, shoes, etc (prep for mopping)
D - Sweep under all chairs
M - sweep & mop

Friday: PLAYROOM
"Dust & Vacuum Day"
D&J - pick up toys and put in proper bins
M - dust and vacuum

Saturday: BEDROOMS
"Dust and Declutter Day"
J - Pick up toys on floor, wipe window sills
D - put away toys on shelves (i.e. declutter shelves), dust shelves & dresser
M - declutter & dust master bedroom, little kids' rooms

Sunday: REST!

Did you read all the way down to here? Wow! I'm impressed! If you are drowning in clutter in your home, check out flylady.net for some amazing tips.

Keepin' It Real

2009-04-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

Tagged by Ming, to show what a mom of four looks like first thing in the morning.

Keepin' It RealHere are the rules:

Take a picture of yourself right now.
No primping or preparing.
Just snap a picture.
Load the picture onto your blog.
Tag some people to play.

Ginger, Christine, TAG! You're it!

Reading Time

2009-04-09T12:14:00.000-07:00

By far my most favorite time of the day is when I sit in our recliner with a chapter book in my hand. And my older boys sit on their "reading blankets" (thank you for making these, Grandma Maryann!) and listen. (Yes, Weston joins in ocassionally...though he has gotten a bit disruptive as of late.)

The rule is that your body stays on your own blanket. You may look at books as you listen (this really helps my more active child - it is remarkable how much BETTER he hears me when he is distracted just a little).

We just finished reading James and the Giant Peach. Oh what fun! To get Jackson (just turned 5) to enjoy chapter books, I started this routine out by reading Junie B Jones books. Oh, they are so funny! From there it did not take him long to become a lover of chapter books. (He is not naturally drawn toward books anyway, so long books without pictures was not exactly interesting to him at first! Now he just loves the time we spend and he is frequently heard saying, "one more chapter!" which is a huge accomplishment in our family!!

One thing that also has helped keep him engaged is that before we start reading each day, we talk about where we left off. Then while we are reading, I stop here and there and ask one boy or the other a question about the story (multiple choice for my 5-year-old, and tricky trivia questions for my 7 yo avid reader/listener. They both LOVE answering questions about the book. (Isn't that funny?)

I have been frequenting thrift stores lately, trying to get a "chapter book library" built up now that I have a reader in the family (Davis). I don't think it will be long before he is ready to read some of them. In the mean time, we are reading from the nice selection of books collected so far.
Our collection includes:
Narnia books (of course)
Tales of a Forth Grade Nothing
Junie B. Jones series
How to Eat Fried Worms
The Trumpet of the Swan
Henry and the Clubhouse
Pollyanna
The Borrowers

What chapter books have you read to your kids, or do you remember reading as a kid? I am always looking for suggestions!

Embracing Baseball

2009-04-06T19:42:00.000-07:00

I mentioned already that we are playing baseball for the first time this year. And we are in deep, as we have two boys old enough to swing a bat for a team. Someday in the future we will probably limit the number of kids that can play a sport at one time because you run yourself ragged getting to all the practices and games. And with our baseball league there are also mandatory volunteer opportunities (did I just say mandatory volunteer? Indeed.). And then there is fundraising and a tournament at the end of the season and the cost to play and the cost to outfit and gear-up both kids. And don't forget the help that the coaches really need to organize the volunteers, the fundraiser, and other things like that.

What am I getting at? This baseball thing is a significant committment in a variety of realms. As a parent that is completely GREEN when it comes to having kids in baseball, I was pretty stressed out when I discovered that Davis' team would be practicing three times a week. I was glad to know that Jackson's team is only practicing once a week. But he has games twice a week most weeks, and Davis has games sometimes as much as three times in a week. Plus practices. Yeah.

Resentment was building right from the start. I am pretty full already, you know? I mean, I have my safe little life and my wonderful routines. I have spaces in my day to be intentional with each of my kids. But I only have these spaces because I have organized my days and weeks in such a way... I don't exactly have five nights a week to devote to something as insignificant as baseball.

Today I saw in another mom's tone of voice and facial expressions what I had been feeling. Her complaints were pretty legit, if you ask me. She thought she signed up her child to play some ball but she didn't know she was signing up for a change in lifestyle for the next 10 weeks. She did not know that such a thing as mandatory volunteering existed. She did not know that there would be games three times a week and practices on top of that. I totally got it that she was disillusioned and deeply regretted letting her kid play ball.

The thing is, we did sign our kids up. And this is what is asked of all the parents. And regardless of whether or not we should have registered our boys for baseball, these are the circumstances we find ourselves in right now. Suddenly I saw so clearly that she and I both have choices to make.
1. Drop out of the league. Yeah, the $100 spent to play is lost, but at least you have your life back. Who wants to pay for misery?
2. Continue in the league, but make sure everyone knows just how ticked off you are about what a huge committment this has turned out to be. And write dozens of letters in your head to the Little League Board of Directors.
3. Embrace the circumstances. Better yet, use them to glorify the Lord.

I am thankful I saw myself so clearly in another mom's ugly behavior because I was inches from echoing her ticked-off sentiments. I realize now that my witness is at stake. And with that knowledge, my entire perspective has changed. I am finding myself excited for the next couple of months. I see that our lives are going to look very different for a while, and that means sacrificing some things that I don't want to sacrifice (but is that not the definition of sacrifice?!). But it is temporary. We can get back to our perfect lives soon enough. But for a while, it is going to get messy as we develop relationships with parents who don't know God's call on their lives. We are going to get our hands dirty as we permit our kids to work really hard all season long under someone else's authority. I have this mental image of our family really caring for the coaches (who are great, by the way) - serving them, praying for them, supporting them, assisting them, ministering to them.

In a blink of an eye, my mind has been renewed. Rather than fight against baseball all season long, I have embraced it. I see it as a ministry opportunity. I will use it in every way possible to glorify the Lord. I am so excited!

Play ball!

Type-A and Loving It!

2009-04-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing that has really changed in my life after adding my forth wonderful bundle of boy-joy, it is in the realm of time-management. I do have so much that MUST happen in a week(feeding the family, throwing laundry into machines, etc.), and so much that SHOULD get done (list appears below), and so much that I DESIRE to do (read to the kids, blog, etc.).

Maybe it is the same at your house as it is in mine: you get your "must's" done and you get your "desires" done, but the "shoulds" fall to the way-side - unless you are really on top of things. A short list of my Shoulds: mopping the floor, cleaning out the car, decluttering "that one spot" in the kitchen, mailing an encouraging note, putting laundry away, meal planning for next week, scrubbing the shower... you know... stuff that you can get away with not doing, but feels great to do (or at least feels great once its done).

So to fit it all in I have made three modifications to my life. And believe it or not, I love every one of them (even the first one!).

1. I wake up most mornings at 5:15AM. I know. I can't believe it myself. But what I REALLY can't believe is that I LIKE IT. I get a workout in, spend some time with the Lord, and shower all before my kids are up. I have tried on many occasions to get up before the kids so that I can have an uninterrupted quiet time. It has been seven years of intermittent trying and giving up. And this time - IT IS WORKING! It is a major victory for me. I will save you the details going on in my brain about this subject, but suffice it to say I have Joy to thank for making me see that getting up early is something you can learn. And it is a learned skill. For some reason, that clicked for me. Maybe I will blog about that some other day.

2. I created a two-week cleaning chart. If my boys and I do the 15-25 minutes of cleaning listed for that day and we do it every day for two weeks, the house stays clean and relatively clutter-free. This is a very new addition to our lives (we are finishing up our first two-week cycle this weekend), but so far it has been great. I have the kind of personality when it comes to cleaning that is best described as "all or nothing." If I don't think I can do it perfectly, I don't have any motivation to do it. And when was the last time I had 5 hours of uninterrupted time to clean the house top to bottom (ugh - that sounds dreadful!)? About 7.5 years ago. And way back then I had a list of other excuses as to why I couldn't keep a clean house. Anywho, this little chart breaks it down so that I don't feel defeated or overwhelmed at the thought of cleaning the entire house because I don't have to clean the whole house today...I just need to sweep and mop the floors.

3. I have a little list in my kitchen that reminds me to do a few things every night before I go to bed, like take tomorrow's meat out of the freezer and make school and work lunches. The list also reminds me to fold laundry on Wednesday nights and meal plan/make my grocery list on Monday nights. And it is on that little list that it says for Friday nights, "BLOG!!"

So, if you are looking for a good excuse to increase your neurosis and want to polish up on your ability to make an astute list, increase the number of children you are raising. It worked for me! But honestly, I am really enjoying increasing my homemaking skills. I like being (or attempting to become) excellent at my job!

Join CStone's Flu-Fest!

2009-03-29T14:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, it appears if you attend Cstone, you have gotten, (or will get?) the flu. With all the wonderful benefits of being part of that community, I suppose one passing affliction is alright.

This bug is making its way through our family now. I got it Friday night, right after putting the kids to bed. Usually what happens on a Friday night right after I put the kids to bed is blog-blog-blogging. As of late, I write all the posts for the coming week on Friday nights, and then I schedule them to appear throughout the week (sneaky, huh?).

So, I missed my blog evening. And I have sick kids to take care of (poor little sweeties). So I am afraid it will be at least Friday before you see anything new here. Unless something amazing happens.

Thanks, Jen, for taking care of my Sunday School responsibilities this weekend. No small feat! You are amazing to be able to juggle three kids and somehow come up with something to keep the class busy at the last minute.

That's Not What I Meant...

2009-03-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

I was re-reading my post "My Little Leaguer" and I was startled by what I wrote in my last paragraph. Do you ever go back and re-read your posts and think, "Heavens! That's NOT what I meant!!" My heart did NOT come through at all on this one.

So, it sounded like I was saying that I was so incredibly consistent, and so wonderfully prayerful, and am such a hard worker when it came to raising my Jackson. But honestly, what was in my heart when I wrote that was every failure, every frustrating day, every day that I did not have a CLUE what to do. I was remembering all the times I WASN'T consistent. All the times I gave in. And I was remembering, in the midst of trying to train him up, how I carried two of my babies to term, and how much of a louse of a parent I was during those months, and how much TV the kids had to watch while I was sleeping on the couch in the middle of the day, and how tired and grouchy I was...

And then (and only then) was I remembering that through the Lord's help (and the help of my sister and Lindy and a stack of books) how I kept on getting back on that horse, and did not throw my hands up and just give up. But it was not me who was faithful in all these years. It was my Lord. He was my Guide, my Help, my Source. He gently brought me back time and time again to training Jackson properly. He. He. He. Never me.

So, in case my horrible attempt at encouragement left a sour taste in your mouth, I hope that this clarification serves as a little bit of Listerine. Now, hear these words again: if you have a Jackson in your quiver, do not - do not - do not give up. Run to your Lord OFTEN for wisdom and strength. Knock on the doors of other moms who have done it before. Keep at the discipline (in order to succeed you must be willing to fail sometimes, too). Because there is fruit - beautiful fruit - in this labor.

Planning for Easter at Our House

2009-03-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

I grew up with nice memories of Easter egg hunts and always an impressive basket sitting on the fireplace in our living room. My sister and I would go through the baskets in the same way we would explore our Christmas stockings. The baskets had some candy in them, but Mom always had gifts in them as well. Jewelry, maybe a shirt, a CD perhaps, and other cool stuff that made Easter a holiday to really look forward to. I have taken those memories and added a couple of twists that keep the excitement of Easter alive, but moves the excitement of the gifts toward encouraging spiritual growth. As a result, Easter is probably my most favorite holiday of the whole year.

Here is what we do.

When the kids wake up there are baskets (buckets, actually) next to their door. They get to take their buckets and go on an egg hunt. The eggs have one or two jelly beans in each of them but the eggs the kids REALLY want to find are the ones with NO candy.

Its called "the empty tomb egg hunt." The real gift of Easter is the risen Jesus, right? That tomb was empty - which was the first sign of the ultimate gift: our risen savior! Candy is yummy and all, but when the kids find the empty eggs, they know they are very near the REAL gift: the family's easter basket

Rather than one basket for each member of the family, we do just one basket for the whole family. And each gift inside the basket is a means to the same end: spiritual growth. I save up a nice pile of cash and make some investments in great resources for the family. Last year, Davis received his first Bible cover (something he was SO excited about), Weston got his own set of not-yet-scratched-up CDs "The Word and Song Bible," Jackson got David and Goliath action figures. I bought myself and Ryan books that would encourage both of us in our quest to be godly parents.

I had so much fun online shopping this year. You wanna know what it is the basket?
The Children's Illustrated Bible
The Jim Elliot Story: The Torchlighters Series, DVD
Seeds Music CD (thanks for the recommendation, Ginger!)

I got myself an accessory so I can listen more easily to sermons on an MP3 player. I got something for my hubby, too, but I'll keep that quiet until Easter.

My Little Leager

2009-03-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

My heart absolutely swelled with pride Tuesday evening. Jackson participated in his first ever team sport practice. He is a coordinated kid, yes. And that's cool. But that's not what really made me well up with pride. What did it was his behavior. He paid attention. He was tough. He was patient. He listened. He followed instruction. He obeyed his coach.

I love this kid very deeply, and I am so thankful to be his mommy, but I have really been challenged in my parenting by this guy. Up until about four-and-a-half years of age, he has pushed in every way a toddler/preschooler can. He does not take "no" for an answer. His emotions are usually close to the surface, ready to bubble over (anger surfaced often). He has been easily distracted. These are traits that, if trained up properly, will bring him far in life because they seem to be signs that a person is persistent, thinks outside the box, and has great passion.

That is my Jackson. Persistent. Creative. Passionate. A Leader.

But all along the way, he continues to challenge me and make me wonder if I am doing ANYTHING right. Am I making ANY headway with this kid? Is he going to be a terror in the classroom next year?

But at that T-Ball practice I saw the fruit of all the prayer, consistency and hard work that had been poured into that little guy. So can I just say to you now that if you have a tough kid, don't give up. When you are in the middle of it, it feels like it is never going to end, but before you know it you will be at T-Ball practice amidst a pack of disruptive, spastic, kids and you will see the fruit. You will!!

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. (Heb 12:11-12)

editorial note: I was re-reading this post and I was startled by what I wrote in that last paragraph. Do you ever go back and re-read your posts and think, "Heavens! That's NOT what I meant!!" My heart did NOT come through at all on this one.

So, it sounded like I was saying that I was so incredibly consistent, and so wonderfully prayerful, and am such a hard worker when it came to raising my Jackson. But honestly, what was in my heart when I wrote that was every failure, every frustrating day, every day that I did not have a CLUE what to do. I was remembering all the times I WASN'T consistent. All the times I gave in. And I was remembering, in the midst of trying to train him up, how I carried two of my babies to term, and how much of a louse of a parent I was during those months, and how much TV the kids had to watch while I was sleeping on the couch in the middle of the day, and how tired and grouchy I was...

And then (and only then) was I remembering that through the Lord's help (and the help of my sister and Lindy and a stack of books) how I kept on getting back on that horse, and did not throw my hands up and just give up. But it was not me who was faithful in all these years. It was my Lord. He was my Guide, my Help, my Source. He gently brought me back time and time again to training Jackson properly. He. He. He. Never me.

So, in case my horrible attempt at encouragement left a sour taste in your mouth, I hope that this clarification serves as a little bit of Listerine. Now, here these words again: if you have a Jackson in your quiver, do not - do not - do not give up. Run to your Lord OFTEN for wisdom and strength. Knock on the doors of other moms who have done it before. Keep at the discipline (in order to succeed you must be willing to fail sometimes, too). Because there is fruit - beautiful fruit - in this labor.

2009-03-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

Here is my sweet little guy, now nearly 4 months old.

Happy, a good sleeper, and a decent eater (though distracted by every noise his brothers make...)